It seems like every night, my mom insists that I stop practicing before I am ready to quit. It's always "Put that fiddle up and go to bed!" or "You've been playing for four hours today! That's enough!" My parents have even threatened to hide my violin because they think I don't spend enough time with friends! Just curious, but does anyone else have this problem with parents/friends/spouses cutting their practice time short?
This is the reason play with the electric fiddle after hours...not that I worry about the consequences, my wife cut me off years ago...I just don't want to wake her to hear the complaints. (10 years of pure Bliss)
I'm 15, and my parents are not ITM inclined... Dad will sing Skye Boat Song every once in a while in a very off-key voice, but that's about it. I have a good practice mute, so I don't think it's the sound that bothers them so much as the fact that I would rather practice than watch TV or go shopping... Can't stand that sort of thing... I guess I'm just too weird for them or something
In the meantime some poor kid who hates violin and would rather be out hanging on the street corner and harassing old ladies is being whipped by his dad because he only practiced 4 hours today instead of the 6 he was scheduled for.
I'm afraid life isn't fair, but especially so if parents get involved in it. That was your mistake right there, acquiring parents.
Breadan has the right idea. Find some friends who also play, but. . . don't tell your folks you're going out for tunes. Tell 'em you're going to the mall or something. Then you can all be happy.
Maybe you can all get leather jackets or something so your foks just think you're a perfectly normal gang of street toughs. Then go out busking as "Hell's Fiddlers."
You sound like a great kid. You can tell your dad I said so. Hang in there and don't give up the passion, but you're going to have to find a way to humor your folks, even if you do it with deceit (but don't tell your dad I said that bit).
Just a few more years and you can do as you please, if you can pay for it.
The last time I tried to earnestly answer this type of question here, it was a wind up (practical joke). Sorry, but my poor youthful innocence has been lost for eternity.
Your caught in the crosshairs of two well-known conflicts: that of adolescence and that of art. . . .
Regarding the first: It's your parents' job to try to help you be well-rounded. It's your job to pursue your interests with the single-minded enthusiasm of youth. The inherent conflict is why adolescence is so hard on parent and child alike!
But try to be understanding of your folks. Like the song says:
You of tender years
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by
And so please help them with your youth
They seek the truth before they can die
. . . .
Don't you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you.
And then there's the well-known gap between those who pursue art for art's sake, and the rest of humanity, who just want to make as good a life for themselves as possible.
As Yeats said:
"The intellect of man is forced to choose
Perfection of the life, or of the work"
If you continue in creative pursuits, this will be the first of many times others think you aren't being very practical. Learning how you want to handle this is part of the challenge. . . .!
My father forbid me to play music, when I was younger, so I had to practice secretly when he wasn't home.
At the end I kept playing music, and he lost my affection.
His loss.
Getting one of them cheap electric fiddles on ebay might be the thing. They are truly terrible instruments, but you get to play learn the tunes. Then the tunes can be refined during the day/afternoon.
I am a teenageer, and my dad plays in a band with me, my 11 year old brother, however is more into rock and cannot stand me playing folk, "Put something decent on" is what I always hear when I am surfing the net. My parents are not a problem, but my brother is.
Snorre has the right idea - yes get a cheap electric fiddle - once the door is closed no-one else will hear you play - they make just enough sound for you to hear the tune. You can also plug into an effects pedal and warm the sound with a little bit of delay (echo) and listen to it through headphones - again, no-one else will hear.
The other thing you can do is point out that this is also your fitness routine - it will keep you flexible for years. Just remember to take breaks every hour so you don't run the risk of overuse syndrome!
Yes, I have the same problem. Only the voice telling me I've been at it far too long for one day is my own.
I'm totally addicted. I now look at house work, cutting the lawn, gardening, errands etc. as things I do to reward myself with a couple of more hours of fiddle time.
Maybe that voice will go away if only I just ignore it!
My mom isn't very ITM savvy, especially when it comes to piping or whistling in the kitchen [god forbid I interupt Rachel Ray!]. My dad's for it though, wheee!
Even if / when you move out of your parents home, you will still have room-mates, or neighbors, or a significant other whom you want to be happy to live with you. Unless you plan to be a hermit, I agree strongly with the advice to buy an electric fiddle. Best wishes!
Fiddlekit, if it's any consolation you have lots of company. My 15-year-old has ogres for parents as well, and gets a lot of activities shut down when he's been doing them "for hours."
Jams' advice above is good, even though I'm sure it's hard to accept. I love to see my son practice guitar, but I want to see him do a whole bunch of other things as well so he has the best chance of being a happy and well-rounded person. Instead of a screwed-up guitar genius. You'll have to admit there's more than enough of those out there.
Hearing the fiddle for hours might get a bit much for your aged parental units. I like the idea about an electric fiddle (for practice). I might try that myself. A good mute also helps keep you under the radar of others in the house.
Enjoy the discretionary time of youth. You'll have less time to practice when you're grown and going to dinners and your kids' sports matches and so forth.
My son -- 16 -- probably plays mandolin four or five hours a day minimum. I don't mind because it means he's home and not out getting into trouble doing the things I did when I was his age.
Enjoy your time to play four or five hours per day while it lasts. Romkey said you'll have less time to practice when you're an adult, but even in college your time will die. I play the pipes about two hours per day, and I have to be well-organized and on top of things -- and not sleeping since it often involves doing homework at 2am -- to make that work. Being as it's finals, yesterday was the first time in like five days that I played for over an hour, To do that, I basically decided my work could f-- off that night). I haven't touched a whistle since the session Friday before last Friday.
To sound kind of pedantic, the only way to be able to play substantially more than I do play and not fail out of school is to cut back other things, like my horse and my social life. It's important to get out and do things other than music. If anything, you'll have better tales to tell in sessions about the crazy stupid things you did in college during all those times you weren't practicing.
Interesting timing on this post: Just the other day, I was having a wonderful discussion with a teenaged fiddler friend of mine, about music and life and how they fit together. At one point, we started to talk about practicing, the time we devote to it, how we structure it, and so on. She explained that, essentially, when she's not in a classroom, or doing homework, or doing something else requiring her mental and physical attention, she's playing (even to the point of taking her fiddle to school and, when she's got free time, finding a quiet place somewhere to have at it).
Then she said, "You know, I really kind of wondered -- what's it like for someone like you, who has a job and a family to take care of? I mean, how do _you_ practice?"
I liked this question in many ways. It was a simple, unvarnished inquiry, but also perhaps represented the dawning realization that life is quite different when you come out the other side of college and young adulthood. When you're her age, you certainly have your share of commitments and demands, but at the same time you can be somewhat anarchical enough to, well, play fiddle when you've got the chance.
Maybe I'm making too big a deal, but this fiddler is only a little older than my older daughter, who is also beginning to get a little perspective on maturity. Guess it all boils down to that basic parental saying, "Wait until _you're_ grown up..."
Then again, maybe I should start bringing the bouzouki to work and find a quiet corner on my lunch hour...
I have my fiddle with me nearly everywhere I go and I'm playing whenever I don't have to be doing something else. It's hard to balance music and the rest of life, especially since I have a lot more passion for music than for school or many other commitments. I'm 17, and my mother used to be like that, [i used to have to stop practicing at 9 and i'd get crap all the time about how i wasn't keeping up with housework or whatever else because of music] but somehow we reached a peace about it. She understands how much it means to me and how connected to the music I am, and I try to do my part with the things in her life that matter. It's really a trade-off at this point and we both try to respect each other's lifestyles and be considerate.
A lot of the issues worked themselves out when I started playing more outside the house or closed in a room downstairs, although most of it probably came from an improvement in our relationship. Once my mom was less annoyed at me about things in general, she wasn't blaming it on music in particular. Do you typically break up your time or do you just play for four hours in one go? I think it's made a difference too since I started splitting up my time more.
Thanks to everyone for the good advice! My mom likes the electric fiddle idea, but I don't think I could really make that transition... and my fiddle's not very loud with a mute on, anyways. Sts, your friend sounds a lot like me. I carry my fiddle around school with me, too. I learn tunes during class if we have a free day, (I tackled Farewell to Tchernobyl in 3rd period today) and sometimes I play at lunch time for the Spanish teachers... Once again, thanks to everyone for your help!
I have a wife to tell me to shut up practising and to get on with tiling the kitchen - trouble is every time I head for my little "workshop" where I spend most of my time playing the fiddle, I have to walk past guilty evidence of all the house projects that I should be doing instead (and the kitchen tiles have waited a year so far). Fortunately 'er indoors likes the fiddle no matter how badly I play it - it's the mandolin she finds irritating: curious that!
Practice restrictions
Practice restrictions
It seems like every night, my mom insists that I stop practicing before I am ready to quit. It's always "Put that fiddle up and go to bed!" or "You've been playing for four hours today! That's enough!" My parents have even threatened to hide my violin because they think I don't spend enough time with friends! Just curious, but does anyone else have this problem with parents/friends/spouses cutting their practice time short?
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by Fiddlekit
Re: Practice restrictions
You dont say how old you are or if your parents are in any way interested in your fling with irish music.
Maybe if you talked ot them and explained your passion for the music and maybe [God forbid
] strike a deal with them?
You could, of course, cheat a wee bit and get a mute for the bridge so that at least the sound is lower and less likely to draw their attention.
Maybe you could get your friends interested as well then you could mix both meet the friends and play the tunes at the same time !
I have teenage kids and I would be only too delighted if they played tunes for hours on end
Good luck with it.
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by breandan
Re: Practice restrictions
This is the reason play with the electric fiddle after hours...not that I worry about the consequences, my wife cut me off years ago...I just don't want to wake her to hear the complaints. (10 years of pure Bliss)
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by Tim_Fiddler
Re: Practice restrictions
I'm 15, and my parents are not ITM inclined... Dad will sing Skye Boat Song every once in a while in a very off-key voice, but that's about it. I have a good practice mute, so I don't think it's the sound that bothers them so much as the fact that I would rather practice than watch TV or go shopping... Can't stand that sort of thing... I guess I'm just too weird for them or something
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by Fiddlekit
Re: Practice restrictions
In the meantime some poor kid who hates violin and would rather be out hanging on the street corner and harassing old ladies is being whipped by his dad because he only practiced 4 hours today instead of the 6 he was scheduled for.
I'm afraid life isn't fair, but especially so if parents get involved in it. That was your mistake right there, acquiring parents.
Breadan has the right idea. Find some friends who also play, but. . . don't tell your folks you're going out for tunes. Tell 'em you're going to the mall or something. Then you can all be happy.
Maybe you can all get leather jackets or something so your foks just think you're a perfectly normal gang of street toughs. Then go out busking as "Hell's Fiddlers."
You sound like a great kid. You can tell your dad I said so. Hang in there and don't give up the passion, but you're going to have to find a way to humor your folks, even if you do it with deceit (but don't tell your dad I said that bit).
Just a few more years and you can do as you please, if you can pay for it.
KFG
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by KFG
Re: Practice restrictions
The last time I tried to earnestly answer this type of question here, it was a wind up (practical joke). Sorry, but my poor youthful innocence has been lost for eternity.
PS: I survived and so will you. (^:
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by CeolCairdeas
Re: Practice restrictions
Your caught in the crosshairs of two well-known conflicts: that of adolescence and that of art. . . .
Regarding the first: It's your parents' job to try to help you be well-rounded. It's your job to pursue your interests with the single-minded enthusiasm of youth. The inherent conflict is why adolescence is so hard on parent and child alike!
But try to be understanding of your folks. Like the song says:
You of tender years
Can't know the fears that your elders grew by
And so please help them with your youth
They seek the truth before they can die
. . . .
Don't you ever ask them why
If they told you, you would cry
So just look at them and sigh
And know they love you.
And then there's the well-known gap between those who pursue art for art's sake, and the rest of humanity, who just want to make as good a life for themselves as possible.
As Yeats said:
"The intellect of man is forced to choose
Perfection of the life, or of the work"
If you continue in creative pursuits, this will be the first of many times others think you aren't being very practical. Learning how you want to handle this is part of the challenge. . . .!
Good luck!
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by Jams O'Donnell
Re: Practice restrictions
Fiddlekit, start plotting your escape now.
Just kidding
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by Phantom Button
Re: Practice restrictions
"Just kidding"
I wasn't.
KFG
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by KFG
Re: Practice restrictions
I moved away from home at 16, but don't let that be of any influence. You wouldn't want to turn out like me -- just ask my dad.
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by Phantom Button
Re: Practice restrictions
My father forbid me to play music, when I was younger, so I had to practice secretly when he wasn't home.
At the end I kept playing music, and he lost my affection.
His loss.
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by Beheader
Re: Practice restrictions
Getting one of them cheap electric fiddles on ebay might be the thing. They are truly terrible instruments, but you get to play learn the tunes. Then the tunes can be refined during the day/afternoon.
Good Luck
Snorre
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by snorre
Re: Practice restrictions
I am a teenageer, and my dad plays in a band with me, my 11 year old brother, however is more into rock and cannot stand me playing folk, "Put something decent on" is what I always hear when I am surfing the net. My parents are not a problem, but my brother is.
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by snowyowl
Re: Practice restrictions
Snorre has the right idea - yes get a cheap electric fiddle - once the door is closed no-one else will hear you play - they make just enough sound for you to hear the tune. You can also plug into an effects pedal and warm the sound with a little bit of delay (echo) and listen to it through headphones - again, no-one else will hear.
The other thing you can do is point out that this is also your fitness routine - it will keep you flexible for years. Just remember to take breaks every hour so you don't run the risk of overuse syndrome!
cheers
Jerry
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by ijerry
Re: Practice restrictions
Yes, I have the same problem. Only the voice telling me I've been at it far too long for one day is my own.
I'm totally addicted. I now look at house work, cutting the lawn, gardening, errands etc. as things I do to reward myself with a couple of more hours of fiddle time.
Maybe that voice will go away if only I just ignore it!
Mary
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by Antikhntr
Re: Practice restrictions
Don't worry Kit, you're not alone =P
My mom isn't very ITM savvy, especially when it comes to piping or whistling in the kitchen [god forbid I interupt Rachel Ray!]. My dad's for it though, wheee!
I think I should get an electric fiddle.. Ebay!
Cheers,
Armand
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by fiddlinviolinin
Re: Practice restrictions
Even if / when you move out of your parents home, you will still have room-mates, or neighbors, or a significant other whom you want to be happy to live with you. Unless you plan to be a hermit, I agree strongly with the advice to buy an electric fiddle. Best wishes!
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by ceciltguitar
Re: Practice restrictions
Fiddlekit, if it's any consolation you have lots of company. My 15-year-old has ogres for parents as well, and gets a lot of activities shut down when he's been doing them "for hours."
Jams' advice above is good, even though I'm sure it's hard to accept. I love to see my son practice guitar, but I want to see him do a whole bunch of other things as well so he has the best chance of being a happy and well-rounded person. Instead of a screwed-up guitar genius. You'll have to admit there's more than enough of those out there.
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by grego
Re: Practice restrictions
Hearing the fiddle for hours might get a bit much for your aged parental units. I like the idea about an electric fiddle (for practice). I might try that myself. A good mute also helps keep you under the radar of others in the house.
Enjoy the discretionary time of youth. You'll have less time to practice when you're grown and going to dinners and your kids' sports matches and so forth.
My son -- 16 -- probably plays mandolin four or five hours a day minimum. I don't mind because it means he's home and not out getting into trouble doing the things I did when I was his age.
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by Romkey
Re: Practice restrictions
Enjoy your time to play four or five hours per day while it lasts. Romkey said you'll have less time to practice when you're an adult, but even in college your time will die. I play the pipes about two hours per day, and I have to be well-organized and on top of things -- and not sleeping since it often involves doing homework at 2am -- to make that work. Being as it's finals, yesterday was the first time in like five days that I played for over an hour, To do that, I basically decided my work could f-- off that night). I haven't touched a whistle since the session Friday before last Friday.
To sound kind of pedantic, the only way to be able to play substantially more than I do play and not fail out of school is to cut back other things, like my horse and my social life. It's important to get out and do things other than music. If anything, you'll have better tales to tell in sessions about the crazy stupid things you did in college during all those times you weren't practicing.
# Posted on May 3rd 2005 by TheSilverSpear
Re: Practice restrictions
jim troy, quit whining and go to bed! ;)
# Posted on May 4th 2005 by justwhistle
Re: Practice restrictions
And make sure you brush your teeth!
# Posted on May 4th 2005 by Zina Lee
Re: Practice restrictions
Interesting timing on this post: Just the other day, I was having a wonderful discussion with a teenaged fiddler friend of mine, about music and life and how they fit together. At one point, we started to talk about practicing, the time we devote to it, how we structure it, and so on. She explained that, essentially, when she's not in a classroom, or doing homework, or doing something else requiring her mental and physical attention, she's playing (even to the point of taking her fiddle to school and, when she's got free time, finding a quiet place somewhere to have at it).
Then she said, "You know, I really kind of wondered -- what's it like for someone like you, who has a job and a family to take care of? I mean, how do _you_ practice?"
I liked this question in many ways. It was a simple, unvarnished inquiry, but also perhaps represented the dawning realization that life is quite different when you come out the other side of college and young adulthood. When you're her age, you certainly have your share of commitments and demands, but at the same time you can be somewhat anarchical enough to, well, play fiddle when you've got the chance.
Maybe I'm making too big a deal, but this fiddler is only a little older than my older daughter, who is also beginning to get a little perspective on maturity. Guess it all boils down to that basic parental saying, "Wait until _you're_ grown up..."
Then again, maybe I should start bringing the bouzouki to work and find a quiet corner on my lunch hour...
# Posted on May 4th 2005 by sts
Re: Practice restrictions
I have my fiddle with me nearly everywhere I go and I'm playing whenever I don't have to be doing something else. It's hard to balance music and the rest of life, especially since I have a lot more passion for music than for school or many other commitments. I'm 17, and my mother used to be like that, [i used to have to stop practicing at 9 and i'd get crap all the time about how i wasn't keeping up with housework or whatever else because of music] but somehow we reached a peace about it. She understands how much it means to me and how connected to the music I am, and I try to do my part with the things in her life that matter. It's really a trade-off at this point and we both try to respect each other's lifestyles and be considerate.
A lot of the issues worked themselves out when I started playing more outside the house or closed in a room downstairs, although most of it probably came from an improvement in our relationship. Once my mom was less annoyed at me about things in general, she wasn't blaming it on music in particular. Do you typically break up your time or do you just play for four hours in one go? I think it's made a difference too since I started splitting up my time more.
# Posted on May 4th 2005 by heth
Re: Practice restrictions
Perhaps, this is why there are so many bad bodhran players around. It could be because of "Practice Restrictions". :-|
# Posted on May 4th 2005 by Johannes J
Re: Practice restrictions
Thanks to everyone for the good advice! My mom likes the electric fiddle idea, but I don't think I could really make that transition... and my fiddle's not very loud with a mute on, anyways. Sts, your friend sounds a lot like me. I carry my fiddle around school with me, too. I learn tunes during class if we have a free day, (I tackled Farewell to Tchernobyl in 3rd period today) and sometimes I play at lunch time for the Spanish teachers... Once again, thanks to everyone for your help!
# Posted on May 4th 2005 by Fiddlekit
Re: Practice restrictions
I'll want a picture of you in your leather jacket.
KFG
# Posted on May 5th 2005 by KFG
Re: Practice restrictions
I have a wife to tell me to shut up practising and to get on with tiling the kitchen - trouble is every time I head for my little "workshop" where I spend most of my time playing the fiddle, I have to walk past guilty evidence of all the house projects that I should be doing instead (and the kitchen tiles have waited a year so far). Fortunately 'er indoors likes the fiddle no matter how badly I play it - it's the mandolin she finds irritating: curious that!
# Posted on May 5th 2005 by RichardB