I play the pipes, and it's quite hard to first of all explain to guys my age what I play without them blurting out innuendoes... Second of all try dragging you're non-playing boyfriend to a drink fuelled session where lets face it... you're surrounded by mostly men.
Through talking to a few of my girlfriends about this situation, they seem to have come to the conclusion that they eventually end up with someone who plays Irish Music as 'they'll be the only one who understands'. I understand this theory a lot due to my both my parents having Irish music in common.
I don't really know what I'm trying to get at here, but I've dated both musicians and non musicians and I have to say that they are both quite different, from the places that you meet and go out to even what you talk about. In Irish music I have noticed there is a wider variety of people, from lawyers to pilots... Perhaps more interesting people (correct me if i'm wrong!!) Outside of this world you're limited to your work place, social circle, school or college.
At the end of the day, everyone in a session is initially masked by their instrument!!!!
"they seem to have come to the conclusion that they eventually end up with someone who plays Irish Music as 'they'll be the only one who understands'."
- wrong; it is simply because we are BETTER LOVERS than anyone else!
Sigh.....
Oh, to be young
in love
with yearning glance
who is my mysterious stranger?
ache deep oh desire..............
the secret sign true lovers share...........
melt the icy road with each and every step..............
sing with woe the wistful words of young love gone awry.............
suffer love................
suffer pain...............
love let go returns again.......................................
I have three non-work lives: my GF and her kids, Irish music, and the world of mountaineering. In some ways, this is a hassle, because my passions take me away from each other. I would love to play more music, and stay at sessions later...but I have to get up to get the kids ready for school, or to get an alpine start. My GF also gets annoyed when I come home at midnight reeking of beer and humming a new tune.
BUT...I also find that these very different things balance each other, and I appreciate them more since I have less of each of them. I honestly think that, while it is important to have activities etc in common, having just activities is not enough: in the long term, the relationship and the energy you put into it are what make it, and hobbies are secondary.
(but if I were ever unable to do my hobbies...grrr...)
Fluter:
1. People who at 16 have any sort of a hobby except for TV, video gaming, booze and blurting innuendos are by this very fact more interesting than the rest,
2. People who have similar hobby to yours are by this very fact more interesting to you than others.
Being with someone who shares your passion for this, let's be frank, niche music, will certainly be one of the points of connection between you, - and similarly, being with someone who doesn't understand might potentially be a point of misunderstanding when the times get rough. It doesn't have to, but just could.
And yes, wait 'till you are married. Especially when you get kids, and your free time together is so limited that going out and having fun on your own becomes an issue.
As to guys blurting innuendos - there is a Polish proverb that says: "A cow that moos a lot disappoints during milking"
'everyone is masked by their instrument' -- too true. That can
be a good thing or bad thing ... Also, you can get together with
someone who you have everything in common with -- 'on paper' -
but discover you don't really connect after all. It may be your
complete opposite who is meant for you - even someone who
hates the music ...
Ah youth! You're on the right track though, at least in my opinion. The only way I've been able to maintain monogamy since my divorce is with a lovely singing whistler. Life is just too short to not make beautiful music together with someone.
I've tried both ways. I was married to the one who got me into the music, and still enjoy playing tunes with her, even though we're divorced. And I dated another Irish musician recently as well. And I had a 3 year relationship with someone who really disliked the music.
It's no bed of roses either way, necessarily. If both you and your partner play the music, it can be good, but can also create tension if there are widely disparate skill levels, practice habits, or tastes within the music. It can actually be a negative thing for the relationship in some cases.
For me, it was obviously worse having to keep the music and the relationship completely separate, and then have them compete for attention. That was ultimately part of the downfall of an otherwise-successful relationship for me, mostly because she felt like she was keeping me from being who I wanted to be.
But every relationship is unique. And finding the balance is good. My new philosophy is to try dating someone who enjoys the music, but doesn't play. Don't know if that will work either
1/
Marry someone who likes or plays the music you do -
or later on they wont understand this Addiction for going out till all the Fleadhs - late session's, friends in you house playing and or learning tunes etc, And you'll be always under pressure because of this - and one will have to Go, and I was told further, being a musician you should know the one that Goes -- lol..
2/
Never Marry a Female musician that better that you Men being men or boys being boys { whatever way you see it } There will always be a jealousy there - and Conflict between you's in your music/s..
I was told this a few times - when I was single by the old guy's
lol.
Shared hobbies are important but shared values are more important. Hobbies are like the decorations on the cake. Nice but it's the cake that's important. The way you treat people, integrity, your world view and what you want out of life together will be more important than what music you play. Those things may change but core values won't.
I met my wife at the local ceili dance: I was playing accordion, she was dancing. We entered into our relationship with the knowledge that I loved the accordion first. ;)
I still play for her dance group (the longest established performing ceili dancing group in our region) and am still trying to figure out how to get her to pick up her fiddle that she was only beginning to learn how to play when we first met.
I agree with Shanty on shared core values. We don't see eye to eye on everything, but at the center of our relationship there is no division.
The moment I knew my then sometime-to be wife was 'special' was when I picked her up in the car not long after we met and she said "That'll be Christy Moore you're playing!"
Trad* reaches parts other types of music may occasionaly reach, but you'd never know, given how ubiquitous they are.
Funny that this topic doesn't get a more frequent airing on the mustard board.
For me there are three big issues:
1) it's very easy to fall for someone because of a shared hobby which masks everything else. There's a common wisdom that "If you're spending more time making out than talking, maybe it's just physical" - This could be extended to "If you spend more time making out and making music..."
2) On a related note, everyone needs their "space". If you do everything together and share everything, you'll have trouble finding alone time. Also if it doesn't work out, you'll have nothing left that was never "tainted" by the other person: session mates, favourite tunes, festivals, etc.
3) I don't know how universal this is, but I feel that in a relationship, both people need to both admire the other and feel admired. If there are different levels of skill (or different perceived levels of skill), it can lead to an "only one person admiring the other" situation. Which may be ok in some cases, but I wouldn't be with a girl who looked up to me with a sort of groupie-"I'll never be as good as you"-like devotion, nor with a girl who didn't at least have a few mad skills.
Currently I'm with a dancer with whom I'm very well matched on a skill level and who is a wonderful singer and fiddler, with an intuitive approach to music I'm almost jealous of - but it balances itself out well because I "know" more about music, different styles, different traditions. Something must be working well because she has motivated me to practice singing - and I've gone from being completely out of tune embarassing to "will sing in public".
But even that balance is precarious as we both have a tendancy to overestimate the other's abilities, leading to friction when we move out of our comfort zones and learn something new:
her: "can't you hear that you're not singing in tune?"
me: "obviously not or I *would* be singing in tune you s*** b****" (reaction exagerated for effect)
me: "you're not nailing the hornpipe rhythm there, try playing it more like this"
her: *plays exactly the same*
me: "you just played it exactly the same"
her: "never mind, let's give it a rest"
me: "no, you can do this, you're just not trying"
(You can guess where this is going...)
As for a non-musician and/or non dancer... why not, it could work out. But seeing as I make little effort to socialize with people who aren't musicians or dancers, it's just unlikely.
any session i go to, there arent any women!!!! if there were more girls at sessions in london i probably would end up going for a girl who played irish music. i dont think many women can put up with the sound of a banjo, so it would make sense to go for someone who played irish music
That was a close call. I was typing out a response when suddenly I realized, I am the penultimate person to be saying anything about dating, much less relationships.
Pete, sorry to hear about the 3 years you spent with someone who doesn't like the music. You seem like a nice guy, so I hope she didn't mistreat you too bad. Wait a minute ... I feel my self slipping below the next to last position.
'nuff said, by me. ;)
When marrying a musician, the other half has to accept that it involves playing a number of evenings a week, every week, for the next X years, without fail. Playing is much more important than shopping/sport/anything else.
They have to accept that you have tunes going through your head all the time, yes, even in the middle of the night.
They don't have to be a musician, but if they think all diddley-diddley tunes sound the same, they aren't cut out for marrying a musician.
If you can't find a musician to marry, try a deaf and dumb nymphomaniac that owns a pub.
my first wife said that if I ever got a set of pipes she would leave, and I had to make a choice, so I didnt get any, and carried on wtih the fiddle and whistle. And a year later she left anyway.
Second time around I've had nothing but encouragement with all my music and now I finally got those pipes. But they do go hand in hand with strange pig-like noises when you put them down and a whole host of inuendos
I think women like musicians in general. I've never dated a girl who was into Irish music. The ones I have dated have found that interesting about me. It's one of my intriguing quirks that they find attractive, but sooner or later, they get over it and toss me aside for an electric guitar player.
My Mam told me that when my Dad proposed he said, "Do you like the bagpipes?" and when she said, "Well, yes, I suppose so," He said, "Will you marry me then?"
Good job for me she liked them.
Unless already hitched up to normal people before getting into trad, tradheads hook up with other tradheads and breed like rabbits. It goes on under my very eyes. At this rate, the tribe will become larger than its various host nations in quite a short time.
Its members will become distinguishable from the common run of people by having fingers about seven inches long, obviously as a result of selective breeding among people who do tend to have longer fingers than most - otherwise they couldn't play the stuff. If the tribe gets inbred, its members may have fewer fingers, but they may well be longer. Finger-length competitions will feature in its festivals. It will be rumoured that young competitors get their fingers extended in ways that contravene their human rights. The music, of course, might just be forgotten about, but the matter of identity won't be - it'll be continuously discussed and polished up, in the context of strange new preoccupations.
The friends we had staying this weekend strike me as sad for being so musically incompatible: he loves music (not trad, but he can't help it) - he plays piano and guitar fairly well, but his wife can't stand him playing so he never does. What's more, we've never even had a jam because I can just see him thinking "she won't like it" all the time. And she's Scottish...
Oh dead Fiddle4 - I'm not saying I'm a great musician, but I'm a better one than the husband. I hope he's not a seething cesspool of envy and bitterness
hmm this could be a difficult issue in about fifteen years, thing is, I want to marry a girl but her culture does not involve pubs whatsoever and i doubt she would like the kids to be sat in pubs surrounded by alcohol (i don't drink either) and trying to explain what alcohol is to them. but i really want them to get into ITM.
Three-Squares, don't worry - even if you don't know how to explain to your kids what alcohol is, once they go to school, their friends will help them understand and appreciate, big time. Company of peers works miracles on the sins-of-the-world awareness of young people.
As to the sessions, the solution is to organize musical gatherings/sessions in your kitchen.
"Opportunities for innuendo are suddenly endless."
That would be, "innu-endless"?
As for where our minds really tend to go as a group:
When we first saw the word "Dating" attached to "Irish music" for this thread, how many here, like me, thought the subject was going to be documentation and history of the tunes?
"When we first saw the word "Dating" attached to "Irish music" for this thread, how many here, like me, thought the subject was going to be documentation and history of the tunes?"
Met my sweetie through playing for the dance side she's in. She's an infinitely better classical musician than I but enjoys playing traditional music whether at home or a session. She's very tolerant my my gigging. I consider myself extremely lucky...
I thought it was going to be about historical dating of tunes as well.
That said...
Both my husband and I are musicians. We met in college, he was playing trombone in the symphony, I was in the 1st violin section. Yep, quite the opposites attract kind of deal. For many years during our marriage, he played in bands on the weekends (guitar), playing in bars. I spent a lot of time playing in symphonies, quartets.
He is also a mountaineer, spending time every summer going on backpacking trips up into the wilderness, climbing mountains. I have no desire to do that.
Recently, like in the last 6 years, we've started playing together (performing jazz standards, old time, rock). He no longer plays in bands, and we've started playing trad together. We don't actually perform much anymore, playing a session once a week, and playing in our church praise band on Sundays.
Our kids perform quite a bit. They can haul the gear around!
I have a friend that is married to a very much nonmusician. They don't share much in common, other than their family life. She is very busy as a musician, and I believe there is great strain in their relationship.
I don't think I could even imagine a relationship with a non musician. Although our musical styles have been so different for so many years, we GET each other and our need to play music.
As for the mountaineering aspect, I miss him terribly while he is gone and out of touch. But, after spending two weeks in a tent with his brother... well, the reunion is sweet!
We'll celebrate our 30th anniversary this June.
Herself knew she was getting a musician. She was a dancer, whose mother was/still is a dancer, as well as a vocalist.
But years of teaching, kids of our own overlayed by my playing all sorts of gigs (it helped keep the ends meeting and put the sweet young things through expensive universities) had lessened her tolerance of me doing music for fun if it means I am out solo.
And she does not like loud raucus places (translate American pubs) so there is some friction.
I met tootyflutey in a session in a hotel in Tubbercurry 2005 .
I met the ex wife in a session in the Mother Red Cap, Holloway road in 1988
Tubbercurry was the better session by far
I thought I am getting a sweet deal when I started going out with a girl I'm now married to, as she was a renowned Irish dancer and choreographer and even ran her own dance school. I thought, that's a perfect match, in addition to everything else I will be playing ceilis for her! Soon afterwards she sold the school, changed career and told me that she is totally fed up with Irish music and dancing. But it was too late for me, she was too perfect in every other aspect.
She never says anything nor complains, but I still don't play when she's at home - it feels awkward. My older daughter (now almost three years old) says when I play the flute: "Stop it, my ears hurt", which is hardly an encouragement. At least the kids love it when I sing, so I try to teach them all the gems of our heritage - the best traditional ballads about incest, murder and betrayal.
I went out with some non-musicians for a few years and then I've embarked on some serial musician dating. The non-musicians all had a certain amount of tolerance for it and would even show up and listen to the occasional session. One even tried to learn to play the whistle, although his whistle playing ended at the same time as the relationship.
It's fantastic being able to share the music with someone and go to sessions with them, but you need more things in common than that. A similar worldview, general philosophy, and a large amount of tolerance for each other's neuroses is more important in the long run than shared interests.
Word from the wise to the OP: Quite commonly relationships don't work out and if you date and then break up with a fellow trad musician, you might still find yourself playing sessions with that person. Awkward! What do you do? Glare angrily across a session at one another? Try to tolerate each other as cordially as possible? Hide in the toilets when he (or she) comes into the session? Divvy up the sessions so you never ever have to play at the same one again? Categorically avoid certain ones you know they might play in? I've probably tried all of the above at various times. In spite of the failure of any of these options to be a completely satisfactory solution, I still date musicians.
Hah... I can relate to that, TSS. I have attended dances where 3 ex-girlfriends and the current girlfriend were present. Fortunately we're all pretty easy going and, have managed to get over most of our differences
On reflection, I have not yet met a girl who plays the pipes and suspect I would be a sucker for them. How do people resist female pipers? I suspect I wouldn't dare approach them.
emily, I only see one ~ try to tolerate each other as cordially as possible. Unless he is a complete jerk, but you probably wouldn't want to play in the same session anyway.
Damn, I forgot. I don't do relationship threads.
Reviving this thread..
Playing Irish trad is what I love. I keep thinking I'll meet someone at a session or at a summer workshop, and I've been trying for a few years now - many of the men are lovely and are even in my age bracket (around 60), but very rarely single. It's been so interesting to read this topic, which I found by typing in Google "Irish music dating". I was worried that when I opened this it would be about finding the date of Irish tunes
I know that compatibility involves much more than one shared hobby, but I can't help feeling that a non-musician or even a non-trad musician just wouldn't understand the compulsion to play at sessions, learn tunes, etc. Trad is also the only kind of music I listen to, even though I was a classical musician most of my life. I find classical boring now. I teach school music and private lessons in Celtic instruments, so it's more than a hobby for me.
whatever you do, don't become an astronomer - the sounds your pipes make are nothing compared to uranus (I mean the jokes about those things of course)
oops - sorry Anne - I didn't realize how old this thread was. You should start a new threat - most people don't notice when someone has posted to an old thread (unless they happen to be browsing new posts after a few pints). This is definitely a topic people here will revisit with you.
I also encourage you to start a new thread Anne. I'm a bit yournger but I understand what you mean. Music is my life and without someone else who understands, you may as well just stay single aye?
Dating in Irish music
Dating in Irish music
I play the pipes, and it's quite hard to first of all explain to guys my age what I play without them blurting out innuendoes... Second of all try dragging you're non-playing boyfriend to a drink fuelled session where lets face it... you're surrounded by mostly men.
Through talking to a few of my girlfriends about this situation, they seem to have come to the conclusion that they eventually end up with someone who plays Irish Music as 'they'll be the only one who understands'. I understand this theory a lot due to my both my parents having Irish music in common.
I don't really know what I'm trying to get at here, but I've dated both musicians and non musicians and I have to say that they are both quite different, from the places that you meet and go out to even what you talk about. In Irish music I have noticed there is a wider variety of people, from lawyers to pilots... Perhaps more interesting people (correct me if i'm wrong!!) Outside of this world you're limited to your work place, social circle, school or college.
At the end of the day, everyone in a session is initially masked by their instrument!!!!
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by fluter
Re: Dating in Irish music
"they seem to have come to the conclusion that they eventually end up with someone who plays Irish Music as 'they'll be the only one who understands'."
- wrong; it is simply because we are BETTER LOVERS than anyone else!
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Joe CSS
Re: Dating in Irish music
Fortunately for me, true love is not only blind, but frequently deaf as well.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by ormepipes
Re: Dating in Irish music
Sigh.....
Oh, to be young
in love
with yearning glance
who is my mysterious stranger?
ache deep oh desire..............
the secret sign true lovers share...........
melt the icy road with each and every step..............
sing with woe the wistful words of young love gone awry.............
suffer love................
suffer pain...............
love let go returns again.......................................
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Gone to work
Re: Dating in Irish music
You think mixing dating and Irish music is frustrating, wait till you're married....
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Will Harmon
Re: Dating in Irish music
Wait until you're married and the boys play
at the bar once a week.
And then the girls decide to join the boys
to share the music.
ok
There will be cramping of styles.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by dogmageek
Re: Dating in Irish music
You gottsa be mo better off jussa trade na dem pipes fer a shovel an set ta diggin up yerself a grave fer ta save yerself hellotta grief!
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Gone to work
Re: Dating in Irish music
I have three non-work lives: my GF and her kids, Irish music, and the world of mountaineering. In some ways, this is a hassle, because my passions take me away from each other. I would love to play more music, and stay at sessions later...but I have to get up to get the kids ready for school, or to get an alpine start. My GF also gets annoyed when I come home at midnight reeking of beer and humming a new tune.
BUT...I also find that these very different things balance each other, and I appreciate them more since I have less of each of them. I honestly think that, while it is important to have activities etc in common, having just activities is not enough: in the long term, the relationship and the energy you put into it are what make it, and hobbies are secondary.
(but if I were ever unable to do my hobbies...grrr...)
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by chris stolz
Re: Dating in Irish music
Fluter:
1. People who at 16 have any sort of a hobby except for TV, video gaming, booze and blurting innuendos are by this very fact more interesting than the rest,
2. People who have similar hobby to yours are by this very fact more interesting to you than others.
Being with someone who shares your passion for this, let's be frank, niche music, will certainly be one of the points of connection between you, - and similarly, being with someone who doesn't understand might potentially be a point of misunderstanding when the times get rough. It doesn't have to, but just could.
And yes, wait 'till you are married. Especially when you get kids, and your free time together is so limited that going out and having fun on your own becomes an issue.
As to guys blurting innuendos - there is a Polish proverb that says: "A cow that moos a lot disappoints during milking"
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Janek
Re: Dating in Irish music
Or in English: "All mouth and trousers".
I ended up marrying the landlord's daughter. Shared interests, etc. lol.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by gam
Re: Dating in Irish music
And there are two more old English provers that say:-
"For every Jack there is a Jill"
and
"Marry in haste, repent at leisure"
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by ormepipes
Re: Dating in Irish music
'everyone is masked by their instrument' -- too true. That can
be a good thing or bad thing ... Also, you can get together with
someone who you have everything in common with -- 'on paper' -
but discover you don't really connect after all. It may be your
complete opposite who is meant for you - even someone who
hates the music ...
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Hup
Re: Dating in Irish music
Ah youth! You're on the right track though, at least in my opinion. The only way I've been able to maintain monogamy since my divorce is with a lovely singing whistler. Life is just too short to not make beautiful music together with someone.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: Dating in Irish music
fluter:
My wife knew I was into the music when we met.
Fiddle, pipes, and a couple harps I neglect a bit.
None of them annoy her, in fact she likes my piping very much.
(My little Isle Of Skye MacLeod!)
No surprises, so no regrets. We share what we can,
and support each other in what we do not share.
Partners, in love.
Go thou and do likewise, lass.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Piece
Re: Dating in Irish music
Piping innuendos are common amongst all ages and genders. You don't grow out of them. Or is that just me?
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by DrSilverSpear
Re: Dating in Irish music
My wife plays music, too. We're very tight. The music is very important to us, and we wouldn't have met if not for our mutual interest in it.
It can work.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Seosamh Ui Sinan
Re: Dating in Irish music
I've tried both ways. I was married to the one who got me into the music, and still enjoy playing tunes with her, even though we're divorced. And I dated another Irish musician recently as well. And I had a 3 year relationship with someone who really disliked the music.
It's no bed of roses either way, necessarily. If both you and your partner play the music, it can be good, but can also create tension if there are widely disparate skill levels, practice habits, or tastes within the music. It can actually be a negative thing for the relationship in some cases.
For me, it was obviously worse having to keep the music and the relationship completely separate, and then have them compete for attention. That was ultimately part of the downfall of an otherwise-successful relationship for me, mostly because she felt like she was keeping me from being who I wanted to be.
But every relationship is unique. And finding the balance is good. My new philosophy is to try dating someone who enjoys the music, but doesn't play. Don't know if that will work either
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Reverend
Re: Dating in Irish music
I was told two thing's about this -
1/
Marry someone who likes or plays the music you do -
or later on they wont understand this Addiction for going out till all the Fleadhs - late session's, friends in you house playing and or learning tunes etc, And you'll be always under pressure because of this - and one will have to Go, and I was told further, being a musician you should know the one that Goes -- lol..
2/
Never Marry a Female musician that better that you Men being men or boys being boys { whatever way you see it } There will always be a jealousy there - and Conflict between you's in your music/s..
I was told this a few times - when I was single by the old guy's
lol.
jim,,,
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by FIDDLE4
Re: Dating in Irish music
Shared hobbies are important but shared values are more important. Hobbies are like the decorations on the cake. Nice but it's the cake that's important. The way you treat people, integrity, your world view and what you want out of life together will be more important than what music you play. Those things may change but core values won't.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by shanty
Re: Dating in Irish music
I met my wife at the local ceili dance: I was playing accordion, she was dancing. We entered into our relationship with the knowledge that I loved the accordion first. ;)
I still play for her dance group (the longest established performing ceili dancing group in our region) and am still trying to figure out how to get her to pick up her fiddle that she was only beginning to learn how to play when we first met.
I agree with Shanty on shared core values. We don't see eye to eye on everything, but at the center of our relationship there is no division.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by juniper
Re: Dating in Irish music
The moment I knew my then sometime-to be wife was 'special' was when I picked her up in the car not long after we met and she said "That'll be Christy Moore you're playing!"
Trad* reaches parts other types of music may occasionaly reach, but you'd never know, given how ubiquitous they are.
Ian
*(well sort of - it was acutally Moving Hearts)
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by ian stock
Re: Dating in Irish music
Funny that this topic doesn't get a more frequent airing on the mustard board.
For me there are three big issues:
1) it's very easy to fall for someone because of a shared hobby which masks everything else. There's a common wisdom that "If you're spending more time making out than talking, maybe it's just physical" - This could be extended to "If you spend more time making out and making music..."
2) On a related note, everyone needs their "space". If you do everything together and share everything, you'll have trouble finding alone time. Also if it doesn't work out, you'll have nothing left that was never "tainted" by the other person: session mates, favourite tunes, festivals, etc.
3) I don't know how universal this is, but I feel that in a relationship, both people need to both admire the other and feel admired. If there are different levels of skill (or different perceived levels of skill), it can lead to an "only one person admiring the other" situation. Which may be ok in some cases, but I wouldn't be with a girl who looked up to me with a sort of groupie-"I'll never be as good as you"-like devotion, nor with a girl who didn't at least have a few mad skills.
Currently I'm with a dancer with whom I'm very well matched on a skill level and who is a wonderful singer and fiddler, with an intuitive approach to music I'm almost jealous of - but it balances itself out well because I "know" more about music, different styles, different traditions. Something must be working well because she has motivated me to practice singing - and I've gone from being completely out of tune embarassing to "will sing in public".
But even that balance is precarious as we both have a tendancy to overestimate the other's abilities, leading to friction when we move out of our comfort zones and learn something new:
her: "can't you hear that you're not singing in tune?"
me: "obviously not or I *would* be singing in tune you s*** b****" (reaction exagerated for effect)
me: "you're not nailing the hornpipe rhythm there, try playing it more like this"
her: *plays exactly the same*
me: "you just played it exactly the same"
her: "never mind, let's give it a rest"
me: "no, you can do this, you're just not trying"
(You can guess where this is going...)
As for a non-musician and/or non dancer... why not, it could work out. But seeing as I make little effort to socialize with people who aren't musicians or dancers, it's just unlikely.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Tirno
Re: Dating in Irish music
(and of course, Joe CSS is wrong. It's *dancers* that do it better)
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Tirno
Re: Dating in Irish music
any session i go to, there arent any women!!!! if there were more girls at sessions in london i probably would end up going for a girl who played irish music. i dont think many women can put up with the sound of a banjo, so it would make sense to go for someone who played irish music
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by FastEddie
Re: Dating in Irish music
That was a close call. I was typing out a response when suddenly I realized, I am the penultimate person to be saying anything about dating, much less relationships.
Pete, sorry to hear about the 3 years you spent with someone who doesn't like the music. You seem like a nice guy, so I hope she didn't mistreat you too bad. Wait a minute ... I feel my self slipping below the next to last position.
'nuff said, by me. ;)
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Ben Steen
Re: Dating in Irish music
When marrying a musician, the other half has to accept that it involves playing a number of evenings a week, every week, for the next X years, without fail. Playing is much more important than shopping/sport/anything else.
They have to accept that you have tunes going through your head all the time, yes, even in the middle of the night.
They don't have to be a musician, but if they think all diddley-diddley tunes sound the same, they aren't cut out for marrying a musician.
If you can't find a musician to marry, try a deaf and dumb nymphomaniac that owns a pub.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by geoffwright
Re: Dating in Irish music
my first wife said that if I ever got a set of pipes she would leave, and I had to make a choice, so I didnt get any, and carried on wtih the fiddle and whistle. And a year later she left anyway.
Second time around I've had nothing but encouragement with all my music and now I finally got those pipes. But they do go hand in hand with strange pig-like noises when you put them down and a whole host of inuendos
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by whistlingrich
Re: Dating in Irish music
I think women like musicians in general. I've never dated a girl who was into Irish music. The ones I have dated have found that interesting about me. It's one of my intriguing quirks that they find attractive, but sooner or later, they get over it and toss me aside for an electric guitar player.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by Gringo
Re: Dating in Irish music
Fluter, I asked the follow-up question a couple of years ago:
http://www.thesession.org/discussions/display/15624/comments#comment323911
Note that a couple of current posters said much the same thing back then, so I guess the advice is sound.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by oldstrings
Re: Dating in Irish music
My Mam told me that when my Dad proposed he said, "Do you like the bagpipes?" and when she said, "Well, yes, I suppose so," He said, "Will you marry me then?"
Good job for me she liked them.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by gam
Re: Dating in Irish music
My wife and I both play. But I play accordion, which is one of her least favorite instruments. Despite that, we somehow make the relationship work...
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by AlBrown
Re: Dating in Irish music
Unless already hitched up to normal people before getting into trad, tradheads hook up with other tradheads and breed like rabbits. It goes on under my very eyes. At this rate, the tribe will become larger than its various host nations in quite a short time.
Its members will become distinguishable from the common run of people by having fingers about seven inches long, obviously as a result of selective breeding among people who do tend to have longer fingers than most - otherwise they couldn't play the stuff. If the tribe gets inbred, its members may have fewer fingers, but they may well be longer. Finger-length competitions will feature in its festivals. It will be rumoured that young competitors get their fingers extended in ways that contravene their human rights. The music, of course, might just be forgotten about, but the matter of identity won't be - it'll be continuously discussed and polished up, in the context of strange new preoccupations.
I am 187 and far too old for all this.
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by nicholas
Re: Dating in Irish music
With the music, who the hell needs a relationship?
# Posted on December 12th 2010 by sara505sings
Re: Dating in Irish music
The friends we had staying this weekend strike me as sad for being so musically incompatible: he loves music (not trad, but he can't help it) - he plays piano and guitar fairly well, but his wife can't stand him playing so he never does. What's more, we've never even had a jam because I can just see him thinking "she won't like it" all the time. And she's Scottish...
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by ian stock
Re: Dating in Irish music
geoffwright
< try a deaf and dumb nymphomaniac that owns a pub. >
This has to be the alternative answer for the ITM man -- lol...
jim,,,
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by FIDDLE4
Re: Dating in Irish music
Oh dead Fiddle4 - I'm not saying I'm a great musician, but I'm a better one than the husband. I hope he's not a seething cesspool of envy and bitterness
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by Red Menace
Re: Dating in Irish music
hmm this could be a difficult issue in about fifteen years, thing is, I want to marry a girl but her culture does not involve pubs whatsoever and i doubt she would like the kids to be sat in pubs surrounded by alcohol (i don't drink either) and trying to explain what alcohol is to them. but i really want them to get into ITM.
it's gonna be interesting
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by I ♥ Dow
Re: Dating in Irish music
What kind of innuendos do they blurt out? I can't think of any.
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by Gringo
Re: Dating in Irish music
Three-Squares, don't worry - even if you don't know how to explain to your kids what alcohol is, once they go to school, their friends will help them understand and appreciate, big time. Company of peers works miracles on the sins-of-the-world awareness of young people.
As to the sessions, the solution is to organize musical gatherings/sessions in your kitchen.
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by Janek
Re: Dating in Irish music
Gringo, think squeezing, blowing, fingering, and a kind of phallically shaped instrument. Opportunities for innuendo are suddenly endless.
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by DrSilverSpear
Re: Dating in Irish music
"Opportunities for innuendo are suddenly endless."
That would be, "innu-endless"?
As for where our minds really tend to go as a group:
When we first saw the word "Dating" attached to "Irish music" for this thread, how many here, like me, thought the subject was going to be documentation and history of the tunes?
Just curious.
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by Piece
Re: Dating in Irish music
Nope. I'm afraid to say that's just you.
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by DrSilverSpear
Re: Dating in Irish music
"When we first saw the word "Dating" attached to "Irish music" for this thread, how many here, like me, thought the subject was going to be documentation and history of the tunes?"
Make that two of us.
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by sara505sings
Re: Dating in Irish music
Sara, refering to you earlier post, it get cold up here in Carlisle!!!!!!xx ;)
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by mandolinist
Re: Dating in Irish music
Met my sweetie through playing for the dance side she's in. She's an infinitely better classical musician than I but enjoys playing traditional music whether at home or a session. She's very tolerant my my gigging. I consider myself extremely lucky...
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by TomB-R
Re: Dating in Irish music
Rook -
< how many here, like me, thought the subject was going to be documentation and history of the tunes?>
Funny, that never occurred to me : )
jim,,,
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by FIDDLE4
Re: Dating in Irish music
TomB-R
< I consider myself extremely lucky...>
'' You truly are '' - lol.
jim,,,
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by FIDDLE4
Re: Dating in Irish music
I thought it was going to be about historical dating of tunes as well.
That said...
Both my husband and I are musicians. We met in college, he was playing trombone in the symphony, I was in the 1st violin section. Yep, quite the opposites attract kind of deal. For many years during our marriage, he played in bands on the weekends (guitar), playing in bars. I spent a lot of time playing in symphonies, quartets.
He is also a mountaineer, spending time every summer going on backpacking trips up into the wilderness, climbing mountains. I have no desire to do that.
Recently, like in the last 6 years, we've started playing together (performing jazz standards, old time, rock). He no longer plays in bands, and we've started playing trad together. We don't actually perform much anymore, playing a session once a week, and playing in our church praise band on Sundays.
Our kids perform quite a bit. They can haul the gear around!
I have a friend that is married to a very much nonmusician. They don't share much in common, other than their family life. She is very busy as a musician, and I believe there is great strain in their relationship.
I don't think I could even imagine a relationship with a non musician. Although our musical styles have been so different for so many years, we GET each other and our need to play music.
As for the mountaineering aspect, I miss him terribly while he is gone and out of touch. But, after spending two weeks in a tent with his brother... well, the reunion is sweet!
We'll celebrate our 30th anniversary this June.
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by Wyogal
Re: Dating in Irish music
Herself knew she was getting a musician. She was a dancer, whose mother was/still is a dancer, as well as a vocalist.
But years of teaching, kids of our own overlayed by my playing all sorts of gigs (it helped keep the ends meeting and put the sweet young things through expensive universities) had lessened her tolerance of me doing music for fun if it means I am out solo.
And she does not like loud raucus places (translate American pubs) so there is some friction.
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by zippydw
Re: Dating in Irish music
I met tootyflutey in a session in a hotel in Tubbercurry 2005 .
I met the ex wife in a session in the Mother Red Cap, Holloway road in 1988
Tubbercurry was the better session by far
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by bazouki dave
Re: Dating in Irish music
I thought I am getting a sweet deal when I started going out with a girl I'm now married to, as she was a renowned Irish dancer and choreographer and even ran her own dance school. I thought, that's a perfect match, in addition to everything else I will be playing ceilis for her! Soon afterwards she sold the school, changed career and told me that she is totally fed up with Irish music and dancing. But it was too late for me, she was too perfect in every other aspect.
She never says anything nor complains, but I still don't play when she's at home - it feels awkward. My older daughter (now almost three years old) says when I play the flute: "Stop it, my ears hurt", which is hardly an encouragement. At least the kids love it when I sing, so I try to teach them all the gems of our heritage - the best traditional ballads about incest, murder and betrayal.
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by Janek
Re: Dating in Irish music
I went out with some non-musicians for a few years and then I've embarked on some serial musician dating. The non-musicians all had a certain amount of tolerance for it and would even show up and listen to the occasional session. One even tried to learn to play the whistle, although his whistle playing ended at the same time as the relationship.
In spite of the failure of any of these options to be a completely satisfactory solution, I still date musicians.
It's fantastic being able to share the music with someone and go to sessions with them, but you need more things in common than that. A similar worldview, general philosophy, and a large amount of tolerance for each other's neuroses is more important in the long run than shared interests.
Word from the wise to the OP: Quite commonly relationships don't work out and if you date and then break up with a fellow trad musician, you might still find yourself playing sessions with that person. Awkward! What do you do? Glare angrily across a session at one another? Try to tolerate each other as cordially as possible? Hide in the toilets when he (or she) comes into the session? Divvy up the sessions so you never ever have to play at the same one again? Categorically avoid certain ones you know they might play in? I've probably tried all of the above at various times.
# Posted on December 13th 2010 by DrSilverSpear
Re: Dating in Irish music
"Sara, refering to you earlier post, it get cold up here in Carlisle!!!!!!xx ;)"
hmmm...is that an invitation ? LOL
# Posted on December 14th 2010 by sara505sings
Re: Dating in Irish music
Hah... I can relate to that, TSS. I have attended dances where 3 ex-girlfriends and the current girlfriend were present. Fortunately we're all pretty easy going and, have managed to get over most of our differences
# Posted on December 14th 2010 by Tirno
Re: Dating in Irish music
On reflection, I have not yet met a girl who plays the pipes and suspect I would be a sucker for them. How do people resist female pipers? I suspect I wouldn't dare approach them.
# Posted on December 14th 2010 by Tirno
Re: Dating in Irish music
emily, I only see one ~ try to tolerate each other as cordially as possible. Unless he is a complete jerk, but you probably wouldn't want to play in the same session anyway.
Damn, I forgot. I don't do relationship threads.
# Posted on December 14th 2010 by Ben Steen
if you do find yourself trapped ... Glare! It might ruin the evening, but it gets your point across. Might even fill good.
I'm done ...
# Posted on December 14th 2010 by Ben Steen
Except for the typo
... feel good.
# Posted on December 14th 2010 by Ben Steen
Re: Dating in Irish music
In all smugness... just got together with a lass who plays a bit of fiddle and absolutely loves the music.. Result.
# Posted on December 14th 2010 by TheHappyCamper
Re: Dating in Irish music
Reviving this thread..
Playing Irish trad is what I love. I keep thinking I'll meet someone at a session or at a summer workshop, and I've been trying for a few years now - many of the men are lovely and are even in my age bracket (around 60), but very rarely single. It's been so interesting to read this topic, which I found by typing in Google "Irish music dating". I was worried that when I opened this it would be about finding the date of Irish tunes
I know that compatibility involves much more than one shared hobby, but I can't help feeling that a non-musician or even a non-trad musician just wouldn't understand the compulsion to play at sessions, learn tunes, etc. Trad is also the only kind of music I listen to, even though I was a classical musician most of my life. I find classical boring now. I teach school music and private lessons in Celtic instruments, so it's more than a hobby for me.
# Posted on January 23rd 2012 by islandanne
Re: Dating in Irish music
whatever you do, don't become an astronomer - the sounds your pipes make are nothing compared to uranus (I mean the jokes about those things of course)
# Posted on January 23rd 2012 by airport
Re: Dating in Irish music
oops - sorry Anne - I didn't realize how old this thread was. You should start a new threat - most people don't notice when someone has posted to an old thread (unless they happen to be browsing new posts after a few pints). This is definitely a topic people here will revisit with you.
# Posted on January 25th 2012 by airport
Re: Dating in Irish music
I also encourage you to start a new thread Anne. I'm a bit yournger but I understand what you mean. Music is my life and without someone else who understands, you may as well just stay single aye?
# Posted on January 25th 2012 by fiddlelearner