I haven't been around lately. My second son was born almost three months ago, and between marriage, kids, work, and a year left on a Master's degree I'm trying to get finished, I haven't been to a session in about 4 months. Moreover, I am finding the opportunities to pick up my mando or banjo scarce these days. It's depressing, because I really love this music and want to develop.
I'm not looking for advice. At some point conditions will improve and I'll be able to get back into the game, but right now it's just a bit depressing and I feel like venting. So, I guess commisseration is more in order.
"Due to circumstances beyond our control, and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off."
Really, it'll come around again. Lots of us have been through the same thing--other priorities and lots of them. You'll manage. And in the meantime, the experiences you have away from music can make you a better, heartfelt musician if you let them. (Marriage and kids especially are good at that....)
I do feel sorry for you. But I also envy your time being with your children as they grow up. I know its been said before, but it really does happen fast. Have a great time - and the music will be there waiting for you when you get the time. Good luck.
I've just come back after a "rest" of 18 years. Don't let it take you that long.
I've found old set lists (in my pipes case) that contain the names of tunes I would tell you I had never known.
It's taken me months to get the whistle playing back and I'm still too intimidated by the pipes to get them out of the box.
Insist on 1/2 hour every day. Don't ask for more, but insist on 1/2 hour every day. Don't postpone your pleasure for too long, you may get hit by the proverbial bus tomorrow.
Lately, I only ever get the fiddle out when I go down the pub with it - once a week if I can, but often it's more like 3 times a month, or sometimes less. Yeah, I get really grumpy and start to blame the kids, the work etc.
My tin whistle at work with a lump of blue tack on it helps. I often look forward to small things, like having to save a file that's maybe 250MB. You can get a couple of times through a reel on that one. Or the "Oh feck, I'm just gonna have to re-boot". Buy the time that's done, you can get a set out of it.
yea man. 3 kids and another on the way . I wouldn t change it for all the trad in the world though. Without them there would be no point in playing at all. . . . . You just gotta be realistic. A year ago i decided to stick to about four sets for practising. I got them off ok even though i cant practise much. Then any time i end up at a session (2 in the last 3 months only ! ) at least i can still confidently knock out some good tunes. The rest of the time at the sessions i just sit back and enjoy an hour or two of time to myself with some great music.
Hey Jimmy, wondered what happened to you. Congrats! Perspective? Soon, they'll be old and you'll have all the time you want to play tunes, and you'll wonder where the time went.
You still have to pick it up at home and play it as much as you can. Not for you, for the little ones. You have to subconsciously inject the music into their little noggins. Get crackin' McCracken!
Positives:
You have a (brand new) 3 month old son - Congratulations!
You'll have a Masters degree by this time next year - Good Luck!
You love this music so much that you felt moved to send this post to The World - Good on you!
At least ( I hope ) you're not clinically depressed Jimmy !! ..
Like the others have said.....It'll pass mate,and you'll come back bigger and brighter than ever...
You're lucky to have children -- I think. We weren't able to
do it even with several rounds of IVF. If you like music enough,
you'll be motivated to get back into it. If not, then it doesn't matter.
About five years ago I told myself to just pick up the fiddle. Not play it, necessarily, but just pick it up. Of course, once it was in my hands I either picked at it or played it, and my practicing got longer and more consistent.
On a positive (?) note, during some of my worst downs I find playing helps bring me out of it. And on some occasions that meant I needed a new instrument!
Cheer up. You'll look back on this time in a good light.
Don't worry- in no time the kids'll be teenagers and embarrassed to be seen with you and, if blessed with a long marriage, the wife will grow tired of you. This will leave you with plenty of time on your hands. Cheers!
Just because you aren't playing right now doesn't mean you are not developing. You are gaining a whole new perspective on everything. Parenthood does that. Maybe do some listening, and then if you feel like it, play for your baby (or for yourself after baby has gone to sleep!). Life has all of a sudden become about something beyond yourself. and that's quite alright!
Don't we play this music because we want to? If you want to, then do it. Just don't put any expectations on it, other than pleasure!
One day at a time, breathe deep, enjoy!
and if you find yourself feeling depressed about other stuff, too, go talk to somebody. It happens. It's normal!!!!
As long as you have your health, you are a rich man. I keep telling myself that.
My wife is a recent cancer survivor. Diagnosed with lymphoma in January, she had to leave her job, deal with all the chemo, hair and appetite loss, and the shame (from her point of view) of not having earned a dime for the family since January. She is now cancer-free, working at a new job, and her hair is growing back every day.
I used to complain often; I will never complain again. When you have your health, you are way ahead of the game.
Jimmy, take good care of yourself, you deserve to be well taken care of and the best person to do that is you.
It may sound selfish but it's true.
If you don't take good care of yourself, you will have a hard time being there for those who need you.
The little ones are who need you and a few tunes now and then to keep yourself happy will keep them happy too.
Fatherhood is the most important thing you will ever do.
Be the best dad you can be.
A dad who plays tunes is a blessing. Play for the kids.
I understand your depression Jimmy, but those youngins grow up fast on you. You will get back in the music soon enough. I would kick back and enjoy every second with the family, then the music will fall into place.
Maybe trying to get one of your kids (if they are old enough) into the music, so you can play music and have fun teaching and spending time with the kids.
I know with a newborn, it is hard to do much of anything.
Mate, in the blink of an eye, when the kids have grown up and you're back playing music, you'll miss the times they were little and full of wonder. Enjoy yourself in the now.
Cheers, Dave
Wow, I have a lot of respect for someone who, in a tough place in life, can look into his heart and then ask for input, and get it. Sometimes this is a tough crowd; came through in this case, though.
My husband and I continued to play music while starting our family(not ITM at the time), and music was always around the house (and our profession as music teachers). We didn't sit down with the kids and play with them so much, as we continued to be the adults we were before kids... just a new dimension with kids. We never "left" music, so didn't come "back" to it after the kids were grown. They are 21, 25, and 27. They all play music, daily, different idioms. They all play for the fun of it, as well as perform in public. None of them could imagine their lives without music. They are not pursuing musical careers... one is in the navy, one in college - kinieseology, one pursuing nursing, but they are all successful musicians (whatever that means), in their own right.
but, yes... things were overwhelming when they were babies. They can turn your world upside down. Hang on, because it is sooooo worth it!
Jimmy, I know how you feel - my two are two years and eight months, what with work, studies etc. etc. there REALLY is no opportunity to play. Finding even 15 minutes for yourself during the day is a feat, and usually at least one of the two is asleep then, so playing is out of the question. Lack of sleep and unpredictability of the day doesn't really cheer you up either, I imagine.
When it gets me down, I remind myself that many of the good musicians I know have kids, and they have managed; also, I can see that the kids already start to enjoy their own company; seems like before 2 years are past, you will still have your playing time for yourself.
Also, I can see them already dancing, singing and being interested in instruments. Good sign.
jaysus, what do you want a manual for life?! Not that it matters but I labour during the day, barwork at night and have a missus and her dog who are a pain in the hole. yet my choons are my choons. end of..
heres a couple of sneaky snacky strategys I use.
1.. grab bag bellows and music stick, go to car, sit in car, play. dont matter what time.
2.. grab whistle, go on a dander where theres no one, play
3.. go to the bedroom, close the door. ignore protestations of dog and missus. play
4.. half hour lunchbreak. bring whistle and wee recorder. play
5..get up before everyone else. go somwhere handy. play.
I SO hear you! Working mom with two kids I'm raising mostly on my own here, plus doing online degree at night.....the fiddle gets bouts of attention, sometimes alot and sometimes none, depending on the push & pull of priorities. Bringing the music into regular life is good for the kids, though. Pick a nice O'Carolan tune or a slow jig and play them to sleep with your mando - it's good for you to play *something* and it gives them great memories, plus an understanding of 'this is what we do in our house'. I take them to concerts and such too- there are lots of families. Pretty soon, they are humming Silver Spear absentmindedly and any kid can play Britches Full of Stitches on a pennywhistle with you!
Jimmy B, my old chum - fear not brother, I'm keeping the chair warm for you when you're ready to make your triumphant return. I'm sure wee Declan won't mind if you play a few tunes for him whilest slurping down his jar of gerbers.
I know it feels like an eternity, like you're a million miles from the music - but it (and we) will still be there when you're ready to get out again. Pretty soon, you'll be like me - brainwashing your kids into liking this whacky, dusty old music. I played a few jigs with my 9 year old yesterday. Just think how much fun that will be for you and Declan some day...
I played for years after my daughter went to bed. She was fine. Kids can fall asleep in a noisy environment that is safe, and secure. She was used to it, because I did it... every night. She never grew bitter about it later even, saying "I love your fiddle and what it brings into our family". (she has friends at the sessions, and a love, and passion and ability to play music, though she did opt for rock guitar).
Your kids should NOT be sheltered from music!
Jimmy, I too am very very busy. I am often not at the local session due to my daughter's schedule, but as for practicing, that gig never stops. I am compulsive and also just get plain mean if I haven't had much time to practice . Hang in there, find the time, and by all means expose your wee ones to music, even if its for 30 min a night while they toss and turn in their cribs. Its good for them.
Kids and music—this might give you a laugh. I read an interview with Paul McCartney (Sir Paul, sorry, m’lord) where he said he’d always looked forward to the day when he’d have his own kids and could sing to them, because he’d come up in a musical home. But whenever Sir P tried to sing to his children as toddlers and young children they’d cover their ears and demand that he stop. He was denied the homey pleasure he’d always envisioned. (“But, darlin, I was a godlike Beatle, y’see.” No go.)
Somehow, though, he found his way back into the world of music. You ain’t alone!
Oh, and she is a great barometer for when I have finally made a tune danceable, because she starts be bopping when I play it, and sings it to herself sometimes later in the day after I have stopped. That's when I know I've got it ready.
this is good really . (i dont mean your stress and possible depression ). it is a hidden benefit of places like thesession.org . . Firstly people can come to speak , express fears . As a sufferer of depression myself (thankfully not at the mo ) you learn that the first step can be just to talk about it. Secondly , for those of us with kids and commitments this site is a great way of keeping in touch with the trad world. . .
Hang in there, Jimmy. And don't be afraid to pipe up and share with us. After all, as someone told me once, pain shared is pain diminished, and joy shared is joy increased. (I heard that from science fiction writer Spider Robinson, not sure if it was original to him, but it sure is a true statement!)
I like that Al. And music fits right in with that analogy. Music shared is definitely more enjoyable regardless of whether it is actually better.
JimmyB you have my commiserations as well.
Sadly that gap for me was about 25 years....enough to get the kids out of the house. Steve Goodman put right on the money in one of his songs.
You Gotta Get it While You Can.
At my point in life, I am taking great consolation in the news that 89 year old Dave Brubeck is playing the Newport Jazz festival this year.
And the ageless Kevin Henry here in Chicago seems to be playing flute and pipes magnificanently everywhere I wander into.
I saw my cousin who has MS. 64 years old and still ticking as it were. He counsels young folks diagnosed with the disease. Opening remarks. "Get off your butt and do what you can. And don't quit."
Same for the music. Get off your butt and do it when you can and don't lose sight of it. And you are lucky having little ones. Start working with them on The Music. Someone has to pass on what you are doing to them. I have to think that is what this little exercise on the Mustard Board is all ultimately about.
After reading all of these comments in this discussion, I have to ask whether or not any of you have had to deal with people in your lives who seemed to think that you weren't good enough to be allowed to think about having children of your own. That you shouldn't be allowed to pass your genetic material on to the next generation.
Instead, these fools seemed to think I should marry a single mother and help raise someone else's children. I should never know the joys and pleasures and sorrows of raising my own child. Since these fools tried to steer me away from single women with no children and push me towards single mothers, I walked out on these idiots and have had nothing more to do with them for many years now.
2. They're going to suggest a musician doesn't pass on their DNA when we've got people with no talent aside from watching TV and eating Cheetos having flocks and litters of humans?
With the vast majority of stupidity in the world, if you have an IQ even remotely average or above, I think it's simply a matter of duty. Pop those puppies out as fast as you can.
Ever seen this movie? Horrifyingly hilarious.
"...The film tells the story of two ordinary people who are taken into a top-secret military hibernation experiment that goes awry, and awaken 500 years in the future. They discover that the world has degenerated into a dystopia where advertising, commercialism, and cultural anti-intellectualism run rampant and dysgenic pressure has resulted in a uniformly stupid human society devoid of individual responsibility or consequences...."
There are too many people who are beyond asinine and don't value music and/or musicians as highly as they ought to. These fools are probably the people who are in charge of the public school systems which are cutting back on their music programs because music is supposedly "useless".
As I said above, I walked away from these fools many years ago and haven't looked back.
Hi,
If it makes you feel better, let me tell you about me. I love ITM, I don't even have people to play with but I became obsessed with it. I even live in a Southamerican country ..I have a 2 year old daughter and my wife decided to split. I feel wrecked now and can't even think of playing a tune.......last night I couldn't get my rest.
Hi peniguisel. In seriously dark times like what you are experiencing it is so difficult to pick up an instrument. Maybe if you log in here every day and read music related topics it can keep you in touch with the tunes and might help. If you leave your instrument out of its case and make yourself play one set of tunes a day something might give and the music might become a help to your situation. In the meantime keep in touch with us and let us know if things start to improve.
i think i have heard experiences like this quite a number of times, including on this site previously.
don't they say pipers are "married" to their pipes for all intents and purposes (well, most anyway)?
I suspect there are some serious issues around this.
Depression
Depression
I haven't been around lately. My second son was born almost three months ago, and between marriage, kids, work, and a year left on a Master's degree I'm trying to get finished, I haven't been to a session in about 4 months. Moreover, I am finding the opportunities to pick up my mando or banjo scarce these days. It's depressing, because I really love this music and want to develop.
I'm not looking for advice. At some point conditions will improve and I'll be able to get back into the game, but right now it's just a bit depressing and I feel like venting. So, I guess commisseration is more in order.
Please feel sorry for me.
# Posted on August 11th 2010 by Jimmy B
Re: Depression
"Due to circumstances beyond our control, and until further notice, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off."
Really, it'll come around again. Lots of us have been through the same thing--other priorities and lots of them. You'll manage. And in the meantime, the experiences you have away from music can make you a better, heartfelt musician if you let them. (Marriage and kids especially are good at that....)
# Posted on August 11th 2010 by Will Harmon
Re: Depression
Hi Jimmy!
I know what you're going through. A couple of times in my life I've not been able to get out to play, most recently when I sustained a tendon injury.
The thing to look forward to is how you'll feel when you DO get to play!
You'll feel brilliant!
All the best
Brian x
# Posted on August 11th 2010 by briantheflute
Re: Depression
Yeah I've been there. The important thing to remember is that it will pass. It's like bad weather, just wait it out and the sun will come out again.
# Posted on August 11th 2010 by Marklar
Re: Depression
I do feel sorry for you. But I also envy your time being with your children as they grow up. I know its been said before, but it really does happen fast. Have a great time - and the music will be there waiting for you when you get the time. Good luck.
John
# Posted on August 11th 2010 by John Culhane
Re: Depression
I've just come back after a "rest" of 18 years. Don't let it take you that long.
I've found old set lists (in my pipes case) that contain the names of tunes I would tell you I had never known.
It's taken me months to get the whistle playing back and I'm still too intimidated by the pipes to get them out of the box.
Insist on 1/2 hour every day. Don't ask for more, but insist on 1/2 hour every day. Don't postpone your pleasure for too long, you may get hit by the proverbial bus tomorrow.
# Posted on August 11th 2010 by ormepipes
Re: Depression
Lately, I only ever get the fiddle out when I go down the pub with it - once a week if I can, but often it's more like 3 times a month, or sometimes less. Yeah, I get really grumpy and start to blame the kids, the work etc.
My tin whistle at work with a lump of blue tack on it helps. I often look forward to small things, like having to save a file that's maybe 250MB. You can get a couple of times through a reel on that one. Or the "Oh feck, I'm just gonna have to re-boot". Buy the time that's done, you can get a set out of it.
# Posted on August 11th 2010 by ...
Re: Depression
I would have bagged the second kid, but we all make choices. If that was yours, deal. No sympathy from this quarter.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Ailin
Re: Depression
yea man. 3 kids and another on the way . I wouldn t change it for all the trad in the world though. Without them there would be no point in playing at all. . . . . You just gotta be realistic. A year ago i decided to stick to about four sets for practising. I got them off ok even though i cant practise much. Then any time i end up at a session (2 in the last 3 months only ! ) at least i can still confidently knock out some good tunes. The rest of the time at the sessions i just sit back and enjoy an hour or two of time to myself with some great music.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by richrua
Re: Depression
Hey Jimmy, wondered what happened to you. Congrats! Perspective? Soon, they'll be old and you'll have all the time you want to play tunes, and you'll wonder where the time went.
You still have to pick it up at home and play it as much as you can. Not for you, for the little ones. You have to subconsciously inject the music into their little noggins. Get crackin' McCracken!
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: Depression
Hi Jimmy,
Positives:
You have a (brand new) 3 month old son - Congratulations!
You'll have a Masters degree by this time next year - Good Luck!
You love this music so much that you felt moved to send this post to The World - Good on you!
Negatives:
What was the question?
Hang in there - you already know the score!
This from a chronic pessimist,
Rick.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Rick Payman
Re: Depression
At least ( I hope ) you're not clinically depressed Jimmy !! ..
Like the others have said.....It'll pass mate,and you'll come back bigger and brighter than ever...
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by zoukboy
Re: Depression
You're lucky to have children -- I think. We weren't able to
do it even with several rounds of IVF. If you like music enough,
you'll be motivated to get back into it. If not, then it doesn't matter.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Hup
Re: Depression
Jimmy
About five years ago I told myself to just pick up the fiddle. Not play it, necessarily, but just pick it up. Of course, once it was in my hands I either picked at it or played it, and my practicing got longer and more consistent.
On a positive (?) note, during some of my worst downs I find playing helps bring me out of it. And on some occasions that meant I needed a new instrument!
Cheer up. You'll look back on this time in a good light.
Wolf
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by wolfhul
Re: Depression
Don't worry- in no time the kids'll be teenagers and embarrassed to be seen with you and, if blessed with a long marriage, the wife will grow tired of you. This will leave you with plenty of time on your hands. Cheers!
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by shanty
Re: Depression
Just because you aren't playing right now doesn't mean you are not developing. You are gaining a whole new perspective on everything. Parenthood does that. Maybe do some listening, and then if you feel like it, play for your baby (or for yourself after baby has gone to sleep!). Life has all of a sudden become about something beyond yourself. and that's quite alright!
Don't we play this music because we want to? If you want to, then do it. Just don't put any expectations on it, other than pleasure!
One day at a time, breathe deep, enjoy!
and if you find yourself feeling depressed about other stuff, too, go talk to somebody. It happens. It's normal!!!!
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Wyogal
Re: Depression
As long as you have your health, you are a rich man. I keep telling myself that.
My wife is a recent cancer survivor. Diagnosed with lymphoma in January, she had to leave her job, deal with all the chemo, hair and appetite loss, and the shame (from her point of view) of not having earned a dime for the family since January. She is now cancer-free, working at a new job, and her hair is growing back every day.
I used to complain often; I will never complain again. When you have your health, you are way ahead of the game.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Greg the Piano Tuner
Re: Depression
Jimmy, take good care of yourself, you deserve to be well taken care of and the best person to do that is you.
It may sound selfish but it's true.
If you don't take good care of yourself, you will have a hard time being there for those who need you.
The little ones are who need you and a few tunes now and then to keep yourself happy will keep them happy too.
Fatherhood is the most important thing you will ever do.
Be the best dad you can be.
A dad who plays tunes is a blessing. Play for the kids.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Gone to work
Oops, sorry, you didn't want advice.
Please diregard that last post if you wish.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Gone to work
Re: Depression
I understand your depression Jimmy, but those youngins grow up fast on you. You will get back in the music soon enough. I would kick back and enjoy every second with the family, then the music will fall into place.
Maybe trying to get one of your kids (if they are old enough) into the music, so you can play music and have fun teaching and spending time with the kids.
I know with a newborn, it is hard to do much of anything.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by pipersgrip
Re: Depression
Mate, in the blink of an eye, when the kids have grown up and you're back playing music, you'll miss the times they were little and full of wonder. Enjoy yourself in the now.
Cheers, Dave
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by kenneads
Re: Depression
Wow, I have a lot of respect for someone who, in a tough place in life, can look into his heart and then ask for input, and get it. Sometimes this is a tough crowd; came through in this case, though.
Best to you.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by full measure
Re: Depression
My husband and I continued to play music while starting our family(not ITM at the time), and music was always around the house (and our profession as music teachers). We didn't sit down with the kids and play with them so much, as we continued to be the adults we were before kids... just a new dimension with kids. We never "left" music, so didn't come "back" to it after the kids were grown. They are 21, 25, and 27. They all play music, daily, different idioms. They all play for the fun of it, as well as perform in public. None of them could imagine their lives without music. They are not pursuing musical careers... one is in the navy, one in college - kinieseology, one pursuing nursing, but they are all successful musicians (whatever that means), in their own right.
but, yes... things were overwhelming when they were babies. They can turn your world upside down. Hang on, because it is sooooo worth it!
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Wyogal
Re: Depression
Jimmy, I know how you feel - my two are two years and eight months, what with work, studies etc. etc. there REALLY is no opportunity to play. Finding even 15 minutes for yourself during the day is a feat, and usually at least one of the two is asleep then, so playing is out of the question. Lack of sleep and unpredictability of the day doesn't really cheer you up either, I imagine.
When it gets me down, I remind myself that many of the good musicians I know have kids, and they have managed; also, I can see that the kids already start to enjoy their own company; seems like before 2 years are past, you will still have your playing time for yourself.
Also, I can see them already dancing, singing and being interested in instruments. Good sign.
Hang on there, mate, not all hope is lost!
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Janek
Re: Depression
"you will *again* have your playing time for yourself"... sheesh.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Janek
Re: Depression
jaysus, what do you want a manual for life?! Not that it matters but I labour during the day, barwork at night and have a missus and her dog who are a pain in the hole. yet my choons are my choons. end of..
heres a couple of sneaky snacky strategys I use.
1.. grab bag bellows and music stick, go to car, sit in car, play. dont matter what time.
2.. grab whistle, go on a dander where theres no one, play
3.. go to the bedroom, close the door. ignore protestations of dog and missus. play
4.. half hour lunchbreak. bring whistle and wee recorder. play
5..get up before everyone else. go somwhere handy. play.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Miss Mulligan
Re: Depression
6. dump the missus and the dog; play more choons.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Skull Duggeraigh Dubh
Re: Depression
You had of millions of years' worth of ancestors who all survived against astronomical odds, and you're complaining?
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by gam
Re: Depression
"we continued to be the adults we were before having kids"
The poor, deprived children. That's terrible that is. Social services are coming round for you guys.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by ...
Re: Depression
I SO hear you! Working mom with two kids I'm raising mostly on my own here, plus doing online degree at night.....the fiddle gets bouts of attention, sometimes alot and sometimes none, depending on the push & pull of priorities. Bringing the music into regular life is good for the kids, though. Pick a nice O'Carolan tune or a slow jig and play them to sleep with your mando - it's good for you to play *something* and it gives them great memories, plus an understanding of 'this is what we do in our house'. I take them to concerts and such too- there are lots of families. Pretty soon, they are humming Silver Spear absentmindedly and any kid can play Britches Full of Stitches on a pennywhistle with you!
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by dragonfiddle
Re: Depression
Jimmy B, my old chum - fear not brother, I'm keeping the chair warm for you when you're ready to make your triumphant return. I'm sure wee Declan won't mind if you play a few tunes for him whilest slurping down his jar of gerbers.
I know it feels like an eternity, like you're a million miles from the music - but it (and we) will still be there when you're ready to get out again. Pretty soon, you'll be like me - brainwashing your kids into liking this whacky, dusty old music. I played a few jigs with my 9 year old yesterday. Just think how much fun that will be for you and Declan some day...
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Jusa Nutter Eejit
Re: Depression
I played for years after my daughter went to bed. She was fine. Kids can fall asleep in a noisy environment that is safe, and secure. She was used to it, because I did it... every night. She never grew bitter about it later even, saying "I love your fiddle and what it brings into our family". (she has friends at the sessions, and a love, and passion and ability to play music, though she did opt for rock guitar).
. Hang in there, find the time, and by all means expose your wee ones to music, even if its for 30 min a night while they toss and turn in their cribs. Its good for them.
Your kids should NOT be sheltered from music!
Jimmy, I too am very very busy. I am often not at the local session due to my daughter's schedule, but as for practicing, that gig never stops. I am compulsive and also just get plain mean if I haven't had much time to practice
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by SandyBottoms
Re: Depression
Jimmy B—
Kids and music—this might give you a laugh. I read an interview with Paul McCartney (Sir Paul, sorry, m’lord) where he said he’d always looked forward to the day when he’d have his own kids and could sing to them, because he’d come up in a musical home. But whenever Sir P tried to sing to his children as toddlers and young children they’d cover their ears and demand that he stop. He was denied the homey pleasure he’d always envisioned. (“But, darlin, I was a godlike Beatle, y’see.” No go.)
Somehow, though, he found his way back into the world of music. You ain’t alone!
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by NEW Pure Drop® Ear Canal Oil
Re: Depression
Oh, and she is a great barometer for when I have finally made a tune danceable, because she starts be bopping when I play it, and sings it to herself sometimes later in the day after I have stopped. That's when I know I've got it ready.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by SandyBottoms
Re: Depression
this is good really . (i dont mean your stress and possible depression ). it is a hidden benefit of places like thesession.org . . Firstly people can come to speak , express fears . As a sufferer of depression myself (thankfully not at the mo ) you learn that the first step can be just to talk about it. Secondly , for those of us with kids and commitments this site is a great way of keeping in touch with the trad world. . .
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by richrua
Re: Depression
To Ailin:
That's okay, I got plenty of commisseration and kind words from everyone else, and they helped.
To everyone else:
THANKS!
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Jimmy B
Re: Depression
Jusa Nutter Eejit:
I have no doubt. The chairs have always been warm every time I've shown up.
# Posted on August 12th 2010 by Jimmy B
Re: Depression
Hang in there, Jimmy. And don't be afraid to pipe up and share with us. After all, as someone told me once, pain shared is pain diminished, and joy shared is joy increased. (I heard that from science fiction writer Spider Robinson, not sure if it was original to him, but it sure is a true statement!)
# Posted on August 13th 2010 by AlBrown
Re: Depression
I like that Al. And music fits right in with that analogy. Music shared is definitely more enjoyable regardless of whether it is actually better.
JimmyB you have my commiserations as well.
# Posted on August 13th 2010 by Donough
Re: Depression
Heh, "misery loves accompaniment."
# Posted on August 13th 2010 by Will Harmon
Re: Depression
Sadly that gap for me was about 25 years....enough to get the kids out of the house. Steve Goodman put right on the money in one of his songs.
You Gotta Get it While You Can.
At my point in life, I am taking great consolation in the news that 89 year old Dave Brubeck is playing the Newport Jazz festival this year.
And the ageless Kevin Henry here in Chicago seems to be playing flute and pipes magnificanently everywhere I wander into.
I saw my cousin who has MS. 64 years old and still ticking as it were. He counsels young folks diagnosed with the disease. Opening remarks. "Get off your butt and do what you can. And don't quit."
Same for the music. Get off your butt and do it when you can and don't lose sight of it. And you are lucky having little ones. Start working with them on The Music. Someone has to pass on what you are doing to them. I have to think that is what this little exercise on the Mustard Board is all ultimately about.
You gotta get it while you can
# Posted on August 13th 2010 by zippydw
Re: Depression
After reading all of these comments in this discussion, I have to ask whether or not any of you have had to deal with people in your lives who seemed to think that you weren't good enough to be allowed to think about having children of your own. That you shouldn't be allowed to pass your genetic material on to the next generation.
Instead, these fools seemed to think I should marry a single mother and help raise someone else's children. I should never know the joys and pleasures and sorrows of raising my own child. Since these fools tried to steer me away from single women with no children and push me towards single mothers, I walked out on these idiots and have had nothing more to do with them for many years now.
Laurence
# Posted on August 14th 2010 by fauxcelt
Re: Depression
Laurence, that's asinine for two reasons:
1. It ain't none of their damn business.
2. They're going to suggest a musician doesn't pass on their DNA when we've got people with no talent aside from watching TV and eating Cheetos having flocks and litters of humans?
With the vast majority of stupidity in the world, if you have an IQ even remotely average or above, I think it's simply a matter of duty. Pop those puppies out as fast as you can.
Ever seen this movie? Horrifyingly hilarious.
"...The film tells the story of two ordinary people who are taken into a top-secret military hibernation experiment that goes awry, and awaken 500 years in the future. They discover that the world has degenerated into a dystopia where advertising, commercialism, and cultural anti-intellectualism run rampant and dysgenic pressure has resulted in a uniformly stupid human society devoid of individual responsibility or consequences...."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiocracy
# Posted on August 14th 2010 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: Depression
Beginning of the movie here, sound is a little off, but you can get the picture:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSROlfR7WTo
# Posted on August 14th 2010 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: Depression
I passed on all sort of worrisome genes to my two kids....
# Posted on August 14th 2010 by Will Harmon
Re: Depression
Verbosity, an ability to educate and musical proficiency? You evil man!
# Posted on August 14th 2010 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: Depression
There are too many people who are beyond asinine and don't value music and/or musicians as highly as they ought to. These fools are probably the people who are in charge of the public school systems which are cutting back on their music programs because music is supposedly "useless".
As I said above, I walked away from these fools many years ago and haven't looked back.
Laurence
# Posted on August 15th 2010 by fauxcelt
Re: Depression
Hi,
If it makes you feel better, let me tell you about me. I love ITM, I don't even have people to play with but I became obsessed with it. I even live in a Southamerican country ..I have a 2 year old daughter and my wife decided to split. I feel wrecked now and can't even think of playing a tune.......last night I couldn't get my rest.
# Posted on August 15th 2010 by peniguisel
Re: Depression
Hi peniguisel. In seriously dark times like what you are experiencing it is so difficult to pick up an instrument. Maybe if you log in here every day and read music related topics it can keep you in touch with the tunes and might help. If you leave your instrument out of its case and make yourself play one set of tunes a day something might give and the music might become a help to your situation. In the meantime keep in touch with us and let us know if things start to improve.
# Posted on August 15th 2010 by big_tab
Re: Depression
i think i have heard experiences like this quite a number of times, including on this site previously.
don't they say pipers are "married" to their pipes for all intents and purposes (well, most anyway)?
I suspect there are some serious issues around this.
# Posted on August 15th 2010 by Skull Duggeraigh Dubh