So There I was. Sitting in a sessin with a few old acquaitances and a few more folks I'd just met at a house session. We're crankin away in the middle of a set when, then, it happened, I had to fart. Not just any old fart, butt, one of those gut wrenching belly blasters that I'm sure will probably soil my trousers. I shut the pipes off and pull out of the tune while carefully taking the bellows belt off my belly. Ah relief, maybe I can make it to the privy. I go to stand and blammo. I'm done for. But wait, it's all methane, no solid fuel, no soiled trousers. I survived. Amazingly, nobody in the session could hear it over the great volume of fiddles, banjos, flutes, whistles, another piper, a guitar player and a bodhran. Actually I think the Bodhran player did hear it cause he smiled, but, suddenly the homeowner put her fiddle down and rushed over to the dog and said "Oh, Oh, No, bad boy, you're going outside this instant. She slides the door open and out goes pooch. I casually saunter over to the single malt bottle, pour a bit o the nectar and head back to my seat like that's what I planned all along. The Bodhran player smiling away. Nobody any the wiser. Only the bodhran player and I know. Unless maybe he didn't hear it and just smiles at the odor of a good Piper's Ahem...erm....I mean dog fart.
Next time you feel it coming on, launch into 'Liberty Bell' - a hearty gas release fits the music perfectly at the end of the B. Mind you, you can only do it so many times. Our session has got to the stage where every time I start 'Liberty Bell' everyone else immediately goes outside for a smoke.
But why did you have to stop playing? Of all the instruments perfectly designed to hide flatulence, surely the pipes is the master of aural camouflage?
I think he had to stop as he thought it was going to be more than just aural.
I have taken my dog to the pub session on a couple of occassions and she did manage to cause a bit of a stink once, well twice actually, on the same night. But my fellow players jokey comments about having brought her with me to take the blame for my own transgressions have put me off taking her since.
Now if only I could blame her for my bum notes and dodgy tune changes I would take her every week
But that would change the pitch, so he'd have to re-tune to fart pitch - different gases have different densities. That's why your voice goes all squeaky when you talk after breathing helium, or if you burp into your flute whilst playing the pitch drops.
Ahh nice, stirring that up (the thread, not the air) before bed last night really made for a good chuckle of a read this morning. It's great to start the day with a good laugh.
Beans, beans, good for your heart,
The more you eat, the more you fart,
The more you fart, the better it feels,
So open your legs and just let it squeal! ;p
tom my mate was jumping around our fire pit in the woods playing his guitar. just as he was getting to the end of some hendrix, he decided to drop his guts over the fire. funny enough when he lit it up, but it was even better when it kept on burning on his jeans! nearly killed the rest of with laughter watching him run into the trees with his arse on fire.
So There I Was.........:-P
So There I Was.........
So There I was. Sitting in a sessin with a few old acquaitances and a few more folks I'd just met at a house session. We're crankin away in the middle of a set when, then, it happened, I had to fart. Not just any old fart, butt, one of those gut wrenching belly blasters that I'm sure will probably soil my trousers. I shut the pipes off and pull out of the tune while carefully taking the bellows belt off my belly. Ah relief, maybe I can make it to the privy. I go to stand and blammo. I'm done for. But wait, it's all methane, no solid fuel, no soiled trousers. I survived. Amazingly, nobody in the session could hear it over the great volume of fiddles, banjos, flutes, whistles, another piper, a guitar player and a bodhran. Actually I think the Bodhran player did hear it cause he smiled, but, suddenly the homeowner put her fiddle down and rushed over to the dog and said "Oh, Oh, No, bad boy, you're going outside this instant. She slides the door open and out goes pooch. I casually saunter over to the single malt bottle, pour a bit o the nectar and head back to my seat like that's what I planned all along. The Bodhran player smiling away. Nobody any the wiser. Only the bodhran player and I know. Unless maybe he didn't hear it and just smiles at the odor of a good Piper's Ahem...erm....I mean dog fart.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by Gone to work
Re: So There I Was.........
Right, don't call us, we'll call you.
Next, please.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by Jon Kiparsky
Re: So There I Was.........
Hey Jon, mind if I sit here next to you? By the way, there's some really good chili in the kitchen, help yourself
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by Gone to work
Re: So There I Was.........
Been there, done that. Except there was no dog to blame.
Life lesson: Never eat a big, cheap burrito before a session, no matter how hungry you are.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by John Galt
Re: So There I Was.........
I love dogs.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by Gone to work
Re: So There I Was.........
...........................I don't know what to say.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by Greg the Piano Tuner
Re: So There I Was.........
It's better to fart and stink a little...
Than burst yer bum and be a cripple.
Just a little poem that us kids used to say in the 1950's......It was a lot funnier back then though !!
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by zoukboy
Re: So There I Was.........
NEVER trust anyone who finds no humor in a fart joke.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by Gone to work
Re: So There I Was.........
As we say here in California, "Thank you for sharing..."
But seriously, waay too much information.
beans, beans, they're good for your heart,
the more you eat, the more you...
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by fiddlerdan
Re: So There I Was.........
At least you didn't set off the smoke alarm.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by Lint - upon - Tweed
Re: So There I Was.........
Call the RSPCA
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by mcknowall
Re: So There I Was.........
IN a place without smoke ban you could have lighted it... no smell, and a wee bit o'fireworks to emlighten the session...
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by Nikita Pfister
Re: So There I Was.........
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6dm9rN6oTs
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by RichardB
Re: So There I Was.........
Next time you feel it coming on, launch into 'Liberty Bell' - a hearty gas release fits the music perfectly at the end of the B. Mind you, you can only do it so many times. Our session has got to the stage where every time I start 'Liberty Bell' everyone else immediately goes outside for a smoke.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by skreech
Re: So There I Was.........
Uh.... TMI, dude.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by DrSilverSpear
Re: So There I Was.........
Better out than in.
But why did you have to stop playing? Of all the instruments perfectly designed to hide flatulence, surely the pipes is the master of aural camouflage?
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by Jusa Nutter Eejit
Re: So There I Was.........
I think he had to stop as he thought it was going to be more than just aural.
I have taken my dog to the pub session on a couple of occassions and she did manage to cause a bit of a stink once, well twice actually, on the same night. But my fellow players jokey comments about having brought her with me to take the blame for my own transgressions have put me off taking her since.
Now if only I could blame her for my bum notes and dodgy tune changes I would take her every week
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by flossie
Re: So There I Was.........
Perhaps you should connect yourself up to those bellows for that extra bit of puff, though I suppose it might shred the reeds.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by nicholas
Re: So There I Was.........
But that would change the pitch, so he'd have to re-tune to fart pitch - different gases have different densities. That's why your voice goes all squeaky when you talk after breathing helium, or if you burp into your flute whilst playing the pitch drops.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by Rudall the time
Re: So There I Was.........
That might be true of your flute, but no one would notice if a piper goes a bit further out of tune.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by skreech
Re: So There I Was.........
I'm with JNE there. We've all heard of "blame it on the dog." Why not "blame it on the pipes.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by Jimmy B
Re: So There I Was.........
Ahh nice, stirring that up (the thread, not the air) before bed last night really made for a good chuckle of a read this morning. It's great to start the day with a good laugh.
# Posted on March 1st 2010 by Gone to work
Re: So There I Was.........
beans, beans, the magical fruit
the more you eat, the more you toot
the more you toot, the better you feel
so eat your beans at every meal!
# Posted on March 2nd 2010 by fiddlerdan
Re: So There I Was.........
Fiddlerdan and the rest of you,
The better version of that song is:
Beans, beans, good for your heart,
The more you eat, the more you fart,
The more you fart, the better it feels,
So open your legs and just let it squeal! ;p
# Posted on March 7th 2010 by dtb
Re: So There I Was.........
"musical" fruit
# Posted on March 7th 2010 by airport
Re: So There I Was.........
In case anyone ever wondered the connection between American bluegrass and Irish music, here it is.
# Posted on March 8th 2010 by Red Crow
Re: So There I Was.........
tom my mate was jumping around our fire pit in the woods playing his guitar. just as he was getting to the end of some hendrix, he decided to drop his guts over the fire. funny enough when he lit it up, but it was even better when it kept on burning on his jeans! nearly killed the rest of with laughter watching him run into the trees with his arse on fire.
so good, musicians are funny folk.
# Posted on November 17th 2010 by christofloffer