Firstly, this discussion is for all instruments except bodhrans, shakey eggs etc which probably get enough attention here already.
I am wondering what type of comments you all get from non musicians re your instruments. For instance, my mandolin is constantly referred to as a "banjo" either to annoy me or through ignorance. If the former, I'm not sure why as I like the banjo(In fact, I play a tenor also). Another thing that annoys me is when I have my fiddle, mandolin or whatever in a case, I get the same cliched jokes about bank robberies and "Have you got a gun in there?"
Are people just stupid, deliberately annoying or perhaps they just don't like musicians? Maybe they're just jealous!
It's not really abuse, but I've been asked on quite a few occasions whether my flute was 'some sort of clarinet' ... basically because it's black and wooden .... mmm!
You're singing my song, John J, if I had a dollar for every time someone has asked me "is that a machine gun in there", I wouldn't *have* to go to work every day to have the pleasure of everyone from the security guards on the gate through the umpteen passers-by between there and my desk *plus* the cleaner when I finally make it to my office ask the same stupid dumb**** question.
The tragic thing is they *all* think they're being funny. On a good day I say, "It's time somebody wrote a new violin case joke." On a bad day I say, "Gee, that's the first time I've heard that one... since morning tea." I have tried several combinations of fiddle case + voluminous cloth sack over it to get around this irritating behaviour... but nothing seems to work!!!!!
And, you know, when I sounded off to a work colleague about this, the very next day he had cause to bring his banjo into work for the very first time... at 6am, long before most folk are out and about... and guess what the security guard at the gate said to him...!!!
Haha, Zina, many years ago when I was first getting into recorder consorts I was seriously advised that rifle cases make excellent carry-cases for bass and great bass recorders >8>)
I say let 'em talk and have the experience of finding those boundaries. In the end there's nothing quite as humbling as explaining that your limp or swollen eye is the product of taking an ass-whoopin' from a . . . whistle player.
The Boehm system flute has been uncharitably referred to as a typewriter. But really only by someone who was uncharitable to every other musician - unless they could play obscure Donegal tunes. Nowadays I couldn't give a monkeys.
When I enter a bus or something else, people ask me if in my banjocase there is a machinegun. I can´t here this stupid joke anymore!
"No it´s just a huge lollypop!" I would answere.
Maybe the only solution is to actually carry a machine gun in your case so that if anyone asks, you can take it out and show them how it works, making sure it's aimed at them at point blank range and loaded.
I think people make these lame remarks because they don't know what else to say. The fact that you are hauling around this Thing that they know is a musical instrument sets you apart from the unwashed masses. I routinely haul the fiddle along on trips across the country, and have found that I can ignore the dopey machine gun "jokes" (they tend not to make this one in airports anymore....) becasue I also get to talk to lots of interesting people--some fellow fiddlers--while travelling.
Of course, my fantasy is a spontaneous jam springing to life in some grim boarding area while we all wait for the plane to be deiced or the pilots to finish contract talks or some such....
This is hardly abuse. People simply don't know what to say. I can tell you from vast, long, and painful experience, that they genuinely think they're being funny and they're trying to make a connection with you. It's the thousandth time you've heard it, but it's the first time they have. It gets old for you, but it's fresh for them. Probably best to relax. If really pushed, the really big lollipop line or "Yes, it IS a gun--I used to carry a mandolin, but so many people made jokes about it that it drove me crazy. Want to hear a tune?"
If you think I don't have experience with having to handle lame jokes, please try to imagine what it might be like to have the name...
I love it when people make jokes about the instruments I play...the more the better.
Re/ "Of course, my fantasy is a spontaneous jam springing to life in some grim boarding area while we all wait for the plane to be deiced or the pilots to finish contract talks or some such...."
No fantasy. Last time I was trapped with my bandmates on a small commuter jet, with no A/C, on the tarmac: at the end of the 2nd hour, when people were audibly and visibly losing it, we broke out our instruments and played all the waltzes, mazurkas, and O Carolan tunes (e.g., all the usual "session killers") we could to keep 'em chilled out.
I don't mean to hijack, but talking about machine guns, this traveller told me the other day that there's this place (I think in Cambodia somewhere) where you can pay to shoot a live cow with an uzi, or if you're feeling really aggressive, with a rocket launcher. How sick is that?! I think it's so awful, but something about the idea of it makes me laugh every time I think about it.
Can you play duelling banjos? is very common, but with my banjolin it is more normal to get something about George Formby. The other week a guy asked if he could have a play, because he could play the ukelele.
Being a thorough swine, I let him have a go.
I get the same as Ottery, I have a keyless blackwood flute, and very polite well educated people ask me it is.
And along with you Coyotebanjo - I came up to a traffic hold up in Warwickshire one time - stopped as far as the eye can see, and no sense in going anywhere else. Nice day. After a while I got out a whistle and sat on the grass and played tunes for a half hour or so till the problem got cleared. I think it stopped a lot of frustrated people around me from going apopleptic.
Zina - that last comment of yours came just as I took a swig of tea, and nearly killed me, so the threat nearly worked.
Here in the UK the English Lumpenproletariat defines it's self by what it is not.
Not sheep shagging, leek eating, Taffies.
Not Bagpipe playing, Haggis eating, tight-fisted Jocks
Not Bog trotting, pisshead, thick, Paddies.
Not (add your own ridiculelous stereotypes)
This is because the only "culture" they have is signing on, robbing and getting pissed.
As playing any kind of musical instrument is not represented in their vast panoply of skills, any one who does, is obviously a dangerous dissident.
PP
Cellists invariably get the be-whiskered oldies along the lines of "how do you get it under your chin?" Don't get so much of that now because my cello's usual route is house - car - concert hall car park (or somewhere nearby) - concert hall, and back again, so it doesn't get carried around the streets much. Never had any fiddle-case jokes, though.
Trevor
I bring my mandolin or banjo to work with me for the night shifts(lucky me-i know). The constant advice from one co worker of "nevermind playing all those notes, just learn the chords" to "you should learn the guitar instead, then you could play things like the irish rover, dirty old town etc", are getting up my nose. Some of the others think they are all very original with the comments of "is that your lunch box","it's a good job you don't play the drums or the piano". These light hearted comments are funny (if not original) but the Donal Lunny of the group gets on my nerves(he dos'nt play any instrument but would love to play the "lonesome boatman" like the Furey's-don't we all!).
Some of my friends think i look rediculous playing the mandolin, (maybe they are being kind and not admitting that it's my playing that gets on their nerves) and most people think that this ITM stuff is easy and you could be playing any instrument in about 10 minutes if you want. Not me anyway.....
The same idiot i was referring to above( ya the Finbar Furey wannabe) calls to me in work for a fag and feels it necessary to run into my office if i'm playing and start mimicking Michael Flatley, which he finds hilarious, also the comments of "did i hear that tune somewhere before" followed by " oh i know, i heard it in a chinese porn film i saw once" follwed by the same histerical laughter.This is as you could imagine during trying in vain to get a difficult part of a tune off, not very welcome. I don't think i'm being uptight but the first hundred times it was funny, not know, change the record jack.
Not music, but sometimes if I'm out running I get those really tedious comments, usually from teenagers: "get those knees up!" "go on, you can do it!" "keep on runnin'!" etc....to which I've started to answer back,
"And what would you know about it?"
That usually gets them apoplectic.
As well as abuse, when I went for a run in Drumchapel, Glasgow some kids started throwing stones at me - I sure put on a spurt then!
Haha. Somebody was recently telling me about taking a run around an estate he wasn't familiar with in Dublin. There were a couple young girls watching him from their balconies. Knowing the Dub whit and sh!t he was just waiting for stone throwing or something, especially since he was wearing less-than-covering runner's shorts and it was a little nippy outside. Sure enough, just as he was about to leave one of the girls shouted, "Run along, Snow White, your dwarves'll be watin' for ya!" I thought that was classic. You might have to know him though. He is a bit pale.
'Hi Coyote Banjo. Did any of them say "Gonnae play that tune from Deliverance?"'
"round here we generally say something like..."sure got a purty mouth, don't he?"
More the latter than the former, but in either case it's usually one of the session stalwarts slagging another while the other tries to play something Sensitive and Meaningful (tm).
We have been experimenting over the past 2 years with the astonishing applicability of lines from "O Brother Where Art Thou?" in session situations:
"We're not here to sing into a can, ya dumb cracker! . . .We's MASS-communicatin'!"
Over and out
ps: non-Yanks: if you haven't seen the above, it's one of the true greats of American comic film. Tons of music too.
Here in Norway nobody has ever har about a whistle, so I got the reputation of being the stubborn recorder player.
Damn!! I really hate when people call it a recorder, I hate the sound of recorders, I hate recorders, and I can't understand why people can't see the difference between a Generation and recorder even though I've told it to them!!!!
Awwawgh!
Ah, a post I can respond to without inexperienced! I can really identify with where you're coming from. I wear a Utilikilt just about every day, so I get a lot of "are you Scottish?" (favorite answer: No, I'm a guy in a skirt. Deal with it.) and my personal favorite "what are you wearing underneath?" A LOT of it. It's almost a relief when I'm carrying my fiddle, because then people just assume I'm in a band or something and don't say anything.
Here's what I've figured out: I deal with your fiddle, kilt, what have you every day. But to all these people I'm something new and interesting. So I try to keep in mind that they don't know that I hear it all the time, and that helps my patience.
oh yes, the "got a gun in that case".. no, more often it is "what is the difference between a violin and a fiddle". I usually answer that a fiddle is what I play if I want to have fun. If non-fiddler is asked, he says "Violin With Attitude".
The mandolin is a fairly innocuous instrument on the grand scheme of things. The closest I usually receive to abuse is when kids (both little and big), spotting me in the street with my frying-pan shaped case, execute a manic strumming action, accompanied by "Ding-a-ling-a-ling", or some such onomatopoeic utterance.
On one occasion, while I was busking in a town somewhere (I forget where - I can't even remember which country) a woman appeared from a nearby shop, saying, "Will you stop! That music's driving me insane!" The last thing I wanted was an insane woman to deal with, so I obliged and moved on. I think I was probably playing the whistle.
I have a neighbor who always asks me the same question when he sees me going down the stairs with my guitar and mandolin : "When are you coming to play for us ?" Luckily he is in charge of the house so I always say something like : " eh , I'll come to pay my tax first thing tomorrow morning.." and go away quickly.
Hi David. Yes, the mandolin is fairly harmless. Though, several years ago, I used to learn/practise on the night shift but my colleague complained about all the "plinking and plonking" and wondered why I never played the ending of "Maggie May"(Rod Stewart)---I'm a lot better now though and can do the latter as a party piece )
If I ever take my old/cheaper mandolin outside, I have a soft case and everybody thinks it's a tennis racket. My good mandolin gets carried in a hard case and people think it's a banjo!! Many still do even when they see it. Either that or Ukele!
John--playing the end of "Maggie May" on your mandolin as a party piece--I love that!
Anyway, I tend to have Michael Bolton's attitude--it doesn't bother me at all--there's a lot more annoying,rude, and treating-you-like-dirt people than that I have to deal with every day working retail, so a bad joke or ingorant comment or two about my instrument(s) is nothing to get hot under the collar about.
A few people have thought my larger harp in its case was a massage table, though! The only thing that did annoy me was a woman--a piano teacher, too--who called my small harp a lute!
Once I had a subway worker guy ask me to play him a sad song when I answered his question of what instrument I was carrying--I declined, but in retrospect, I really should have done it.
Once, when someone asked, "Is that a violin or a viola in there?" I said, "A fiddle, actually" To which he responded, "Oh, ok--first fiddle or second fiddle?" Then I explained that in Irish music all the fiddles are first fiddles!
I'm a \()) player, but this is about something else (no real abuse suffered for playing the drum so far...)
Andee, your story about someone asking you to play reminded me of this...
I used to be a real morris dancer. During the UK miners's strike back in the 70s we were invited to spend a weekend with some teams in Yorkshire, a shire of many mines. In our minibus on the motorway we were stopped by the police who saw a gang of blokes heading into Yorkshire in a bus. They thought we were flying pickets.
We had to do a dance for them before they'd believe us! We passed the hat around and they were generous...
We carried on to Sheffield and had a really great weekend. The communities were suffering and the folksongs about labouring class woes were thick on the ground and moving.
No instruments involved, but Green Oak Morris had a "Green Man" dancing with them at the time. He was rather realistic with leafy costume and quite horrific Haloween makeup.
We were dancing May Day and meeting at 5am for dawn. Of course, Eric drove to the venue "in character" and was stopped by the Picket Polis.
Ello,Ello,Ello, whats all this then? Been to a fancy dress party?
Now involving instruments,
In my busking days, travelling central France, I had no problem hitch-hiking as it was obvious it was an accordion in the case so they gave me a lift to the next village and invited me into their bar for music and free drinkies.
I don't know if I've told this one before. I share a house with a Mancunian and a Geordie. They're both sparks so most of their friends are manual labourers of some sort. Anyway one of the Geordie's mates was lodging with us for a few weeks - a great guy but a little bit slow. I'm in the kitchen one evening playing the box and in he comes blotto as usual. I say hello to him and he says, in a big loud Geordie accent: "Aw don't stop playing man. Gis a tune on ya trumpet!"
Hilarious Conan-thats a great story! Ive never been offended about anything that has been said about the fiddle, tho as we all know I get incredibly annoyed and worked up about people who go on about how the music is easy etc. I think its fine to make jokes about instruments.
Geoff, hitch hiking with an accordion is a sure ticket *out* of town, rather than a welcome into the next one
What amazes me are the highly observant types who can't tell the difference between and end-blown whistle and a side-blown flute (even when you're playing it!), or a banjo and a guitar. I wonder how they find their way home each day after work....
It's not really abuse, but it gets on my nerves in a big way when someone asks "Is that a bagpipe?" re my pipes, especially when I'm in the middle of a tune.
I try hard to be polite, mind you, I know it's a perfectly innocent question, since most Americans have never seen irish pipes nor any other kind of pipes other than the Scottish Highland variety. It doesn't pay to be rude to people who are just curious.
After playing Folk harp for almost ten years, a year ago I moved on to Anglo Concertina as my main instrument, and was completely unprepared for the reaction this change provoked.
One (non-musical) friend of mine literally laughed in my face, and it took some time to convince her that I was being totally serious.
Most of my other non-musical friends have all expressed confusion over why I would put aside something as beautiful as the hard to play "an accordian" (their description not mine).
(Nothing to do with increased portability, being more session friendly, or more importantly, that after making my living as as harp player for five years I was just plain burnt out).
Fortunately my partner, and my musical friends have all been supportive about this change of direction. One thing I have found is that as a harp player at festival you get a lot of attention; as a concertina player you are almost universally ignored.
At least I no longer have to put up with the regular comment: "You play harp, you must be an angel" (to which my reply is usually "Yes and Satan was an angel once too!"
Cheers,
Morgana
(No offense intended to any harp players anywhere I still play from time to time, but no longer professionally, and now only for my own enjoyment
Hey now, Mark, it's not MY fault the Queen's English has degenerated so badly over the years...and y'all dare to complain about the President's English -- well, to be honest, just right now, we do too...
So why are Newcastlians known as "Geordies", or do I want to know?
Y'know, Geordies do not have any word for "coat", so the concept of a coat in winter doesn't exist in Geordieland. The young people go out at the weekend in tee-shirts and skimpy dresses the whole year round. I've seen it with my own eyes. Before that I thought it was just an urban myth. Nope. It's true. Honest.
I'm heading off from work today en route to the session, fiddle case (oblong foam block style) in hand when a fellow from the office says, "Off to the squash court tonight, eh?". "Haha, like, yeah" sez I, muttering under my breath about smart-a fiddle case comments.
Then he sez, "Do you know so-and-so from work, his son used to play". "Oh, really?" sez I. "Yes, he was one of the top fifty in Australia". (I wonder how you work out who the top fifty violinists in Australia are, I thinks to meself.)
"Yeah, played for years until his knees packed it in." (Like, whaaaat????).
Danny - George Stephenson invented a safety lantern for miners back in 1800 and something, it was known as the Geordie. Sir Humphrey Davy who had an excellent understanding of science and flammable gases, came up with a superior lantern in 1815 ish, this pretty much replaced the Geordie throughout the UK - everywhere except the Newcastle area, where they continued to use the Geordie lantern - hence they got the name Geordie.
I hadn't heard the coat theory before - but my brother (who lives in Newcastle) assures me that the coat situation described by Danny is true. However, we feel that the young girls with skimpy dresses and no coats is now a national trend and not just a geordie thing!
Yes, The Bigg market area on a Friday or Saturday night is the place to be for skimpy dresses and no coats although Glasgow city centre gets a bit like that too. We're a little more refined in Edinburgh where the girls wear coats but no knickers )
Auggh. You're all fired. *snort* (how many am I up to now, Kevin and Jer?)
Actually, I don't think it's limited to Geordies at all. Even here in the States -- among the Goth kids, if you don't have a cool black or red coat (although a cloak is also quite the thing as well) to go over your latest acquisition of a genuine Victorian mourning outfit or black stretch PVC dress with the zipper cutouts running down the sides with sky-high platform thigh-high boots, then you go without.
Zina, in certain areas of Bristol can be seen ladies wearing the black stretch pvc etc. If a gentleman is driving a car at night and is lost, he should never stop to ask one of these ladies for instructions. She may possibly misunderstand his innocent enquiry, but the local police will most certainly misunderstand, as the subsequent court case will show ...
Trevor
The primary melody instrument of my choice is Recorder. It's a beautiful instrument and QUITE versatile. No one I've ever played for has had an ill word to say about it's sound itself, or my skill in playing it. I also play Whistle (though not nearly as much or as well), Bodhran, and sing specializing in Puirt-A-Beul.
There is a story, however...
When I first started playing melody/recorder, years + ago, a traddy musician approached me and said,
"Why don't you get yourself a real instrument, a traditional instrument, if you're going to play traditional Celtic music?"
This man played guitar, mandolin, bouzouki, and of course flute and whistle.
Well, as far as history goes... there are but five traditionally indigenous instruments to the Celts: Voice, Bones, Whislte (made from a bone), Bodhran & Harp. So technically speaking, anyone sporting an instrument OTHER than those five are playing an instrument that has, at some point in history, been adopted into Celtic music usage.
I'm darn sure that Guitar, Mandolin & Bouzouki aren't inventions of the ancient Celts.
I think it's wonderful to have ANY musician be so enamored by our Celtic music to want to play it despite whatever instrument they may choose.
To all those snotrags who see fit to pass judgement on others and the instruments their hearts choose to play... again, leave off your ego at the door and keep in mind that we are ONE community who gather and play together for the sake of the music. Honour the music, and stop dishonouring yourself by the negativity you spread each time you open your mouth to let fly anything other than something kind and supportive. If you can't play well with others in the sandbox called life, then go live alone in a cave and stop putting a damper on it for the rest of us.
I've had my share, particularly when learning to play the whistle, and especially when living in a converted henhouse that served as a work hostel. Afterwards I met a girl who played whistle and was learning uilleann pipes. She said that when she practised the pipes, complaints just came from next door, but when she played the whistle, they came from houses quite a bit further away. I played "Planxty Irwin" for my sister's wedding: she said, "That tune's the reason I left the house!"
All in all, I can't blame the guys in the hostel for their dislike for my early attempts, or my sister either.
The melodeon I play is, of course, either an accordion or a concertina...
Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Firstly, this discussion is for all instruments except bodhrans, shakey eggs etc which probably get enough attention here already.
I am wondering what type of comments you all get from non musicians re your instruments. For instance, my mandolin is constantly referred to as a "banjo" either to annoy me or through ignorance. If the former, I'm not sure why as I like the banjo(In fact, I play a tenor also). Another thing that annoys me is when I have my fiddle, mandolin or whatever in a case, I get the same cliched jokes about bank robberies and "Have you got a gun in there?"
Are people just stupid, deliberately annoying or perhaps they just don't like musicians? Maybe they're just jealous!
John
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Johannes J
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
On second thoughts, if you are a bodhran player, please feel free to tell your story. I just wasn't wanting another spate of "bodhran jokes".
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Johannes J
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
You could always go buy a Tommy Gun case and scare 'em to death by getting it out to prove it...
http://www.markanthonyoriginals.com/EBAY/E-TC105.jpg
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Zina Lee
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
It's not really abuse, but I've been asked on quite a few occasions whether my flute was 'some sort of clarinet' ... basically because it's black and wooden .... mmm!
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Ottery
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
You're singing my song, John J, if I had a dollar for every time someone has asked me "is that a machine gun in there", I wouldn't *have* to go to work every day to have the pleasure of everyone from the security guards on the gate through the umpteen passers-by between there and my desk *plus* the cleaner when I finally make it to my office ask the same stupid dumb**** question.
The tragic thing is they *all* think they're being funny. On a good day I say, "It's time somebody wrote a new violin case joke." On a bad day I say, "Gee, that's the first time I've heard that one... since morning tea." I have tried several combinations of fiddle case + voluminous cloth sack over it to get around this irritating behaviour... but nothing seems to work!!!!!
And, you know, when I sounded off to a work colleague about this, the very next day he had cause to bring his banjo into work for the very first time... at 6am, long before most folk are out and about... and guess what the security guard at the gate said to him...!!!
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Tish
Haha, Zina, many years ago when I was first getting into recorder consorts I was seriously advised that rifle cases make excellent carry-cases for bass and great bass recorders >8>)
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Tish
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
I say let 'em talk and have the experience of finding those boundaries. In the end there's nothing quite as humbling as explaining that your limp or swollen eye is the product of taking an ass-whoopin' from a . . . whistle player.
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Stevie C
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
The Boehm system flute has been uncharitably referred to as a typewriter. But really only by someone who was uncharitable to every other musician - unless they could play obscure Donegal tunes. Nowadays I couldn't give a monkeys.
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Key Maniac Lad
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
When I enter a bus or something else, people ask me if in my banjocase there is a machinegun. I can´t here this stupid joke anymore!
"No it´s just a huge lollypop!" I would answere.
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by banjopluckinjan
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Maybe the only solution is to actually carry a machine gun in your case so that if anyone asks, you can take it out and show them how it works, making sure it's aimed at them at point blank range and loaded.
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Dow
Re: Not really abuse; something else?
I think people make these lame remarks because they don't know what else to say. The fact that you are hauling around this Thing that they know is a musical instrument sets you apart from the unwashed masses. I routinely haul the fiddle along on trips across the country, and have found that I can ignore the dopey machine gun "jokes" (they tend not to make this one in airports anymore....) becasue I also get to talk to lots of interesting people--some fellow fiddlers--while travelling.
Of course, my fantasy is a spontaneous jam springing to life in some grim boarding area while we all wait for the plane to be deiced or the pilots to finish contract talks or some such....
Batlady
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Batlady
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
I've been asked if my flute case was a snooker cue case - but that wasn't a joke, it was a genuine question!
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Key Maniac Lad
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
This is hardly abuse. People simply don't know what to say. I can tell you from vast, long, and painful experience, that they genuinely think they're being funny and they're trying to make a connection with you. It's the thousandth time you've heard it, but it's the first time they have. It gets old for you, but it's fresh for them. Probably best to relax. If really pushed, the really big lollipop line or "Yes, it IS a gun--I used to carry a mandolin, but so many people made jokes about it that it drove me crazy. Want to hear a tune?"
If you think I don't have experience with having to handle lame jokes, please try to imagine what it might be like to have the name...
---Michael Bolton
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by MichaelBolton
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
I love it when people make jokes about the instruments I play...the more the better.
Re/ "Of course, my fantasy is a spontaneous jam springing to life in some grim boarding area while we all wait for the plane to be deiced or the pilots to finish contract talks or some such...."
No fantasy. Last time I was trapped with my bandmates on a small commuter jet, with no A/C, on the tarmac: at the end of the 2nd hour, when people were audibly and visibly losing it, we broke out our instruments and played all the waltzes, mazurkas, and O Carolan tunes (e.g., all the usual "session killers") we could to keep 'em chilled out.
Worked, too.
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by coyotebanjo
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
I don't mean to hijack, but talking about machine guns, this traveller told me the other day that there's this place (I think in Cambodia somewhere) where you can pay to shoot a live cow with an uzi, or if you're feeling really aggressive, with a rocket launcher. How sick is that?! I think it's so awful, but something about the idea of it makes me laugh every time I think about it.
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Dow
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Hi Coyote Banjo. Did any of them say "Gonnae play that tune from Deliverance?" Sorry, I'm Scottish.
John
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Johannes J
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
A rocket launcher. A rocket launcher? Jeeeeeeez. But you're right -- there's something funny about it, in a very sick way, Mark! Poor cows, though...
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Zina Lee
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
John, round here we generally say something like..."sure got a purty mouth, don't he?"
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Zina Lee
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Can you play duelling banjos? is very common, but with my banjolin it is more normal to get something about George Formby. The other week a guy asked if he could have a play, because he could play the ukelele.
Being a thorough swine, I let him have a go.
I get the same as Ottery, I have a keyless blackwood flute, and very polite well educated people ask me it is.
And along with you Coyotebanjo - I came up to a traffic hold up in Warwickshire one time - stopped as far as the eye can see, and no sense in going anywhere else. Nice day. After a while I got out a whistle and sat on the grass and played tunes for a half hour or so till the problem got cleared. I think it stopped a lot of frustrated people around me from going apopleptic.
Zina - that last comment of yours came just as I took a swig of tea, and nearly killed me, so the threat nearly worked.
goodnight all.
Dave
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by showaddydadito
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Here in the UK the English Lumpenproletariat defines it's self by what it is not.
Not sheep shagging, leek eating, Taffies.
Not Bagpipe playing, Haggis eating, tight-fisted Jocks
Not Bog trotting, pisshead, thick, Paddies.
Not (add your own ridiculelous stereotypes)
This is because the only "culture" they have is signing on, robbing and getting pissed.
As playing any kind of musical instrument is not represented in their vast panoply of skills, any one who does, is obviously a dangerous dissident.
PP
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Pied Piper
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Cellists invariably get the be-whiskered oldies along the lines of "how do you get it under your chin?" Don't get so much of that now because my cello's usual route is house - car - concert hall car park (or somewhere nearby) - concert hall, and back again, so it doesn't get carried around the streets much. Never had any fiddle-case jokes, though.
Trevor
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by lazyhound
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
I bring my mandolin or banjo to work with me for the night shifts(lucky me-i know). The constant advice from one co worker of "nevermind playing all those notes, just learn the chords" to "you should learn the guitar instead, then you could play things like the irish rover, dirty old town etc", are getting up my nose. Some of the others think they are all very original with the comments of "is that your lunch box","it's a good job you don't play the drums or the piano". These light hearted comments are funny (if not original) but the Donal Lunny of the group gets on my nerves(he dos'nt play any instrument but would love to play the "lonesome boatman" like the Furey's-don't we all!).
Some of my friends think i look rediculous playing the mandolin, (maybe they are being kind and not admitting that it's my playing that gets on their nerves) and most people think that this ITM stuff is easy and you could be playing any instrument in about 10 minutes if you want. Not me anyway.....
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Celtic1234
The same idiot i was referring to above( ya the Finbar Furey wannabe) calls to me in work for a fag and feels it necessary to run into my office if i'm playing and start mimicking Michael Flatley, which he finds hilarious, also the comments of "did i hear that tune somewhere before" followed by " oh i know, i heard it in a chinese porn film i saw once" follwed by the same histerical laughter.This is as you could imagine during trying in vain to get a difficult part of a tune off, not very welcome. I don't think i'm being uptight but the first hundred times it was funny, not know, change the record jack.
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Celtic1234
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Not music, but sometimes if I'm out running I get those really tedious comments, usually from teenagers: "get those knees up!" "go on, you can do it!" "keep on runnin'!" etc....to which I've started to answer back,
"And what would you know about it?"
That usually gets them apoplectic.
As well as abuse, when I went for a run in Drumchapel, Glasgow some kids started throwing stones at me - I sure put on a spurt then!
Danny.
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Key Maniac Lad
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Haha. Somebody was recently telling me about taking a run around an estate he wasn't familiar with in Dublin. There were a couple young girls watching him from their balconies. Knowing the Dub whit and sh!t he was just waiting for stone throwing or something, especially since he was wearing less-than-covering runner's shorts and it was a little nippy outside. Sure enough, just as he was about to leave one of the girls shouted, "Run along, Snow White, your dwarves'll be watin' for ya!" I thought that was classic. You might have to know him though. He is a bit pale.
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by jerball
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
'Hi Coyote Banjo. Did any of them say "Gonnae play that tune from Deliverance?"'
"round here we generally say something like..."sure got a purty mouth, don't he?"
More the latter than the former, but in either case it's usually one of the session stalwarts slagging another while the other tries to play something Sensitive and Meaningful (tm).
We have been experimenting over the past 2 years with the astonishing applicability of lines from "O Brother Where Art Thou?" in session situations:
"We're not here to sing into a can, ya dumb cracker! . . .We's MASS-communicatin'!"
Over and out
ps: non-Yanks: if you haven't seen the above, it's one of the true greats of American comic film. Tons of music too.
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by coyotebanjo
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Ah, yes. "O Brother Where Art Thou?" quotes have made the rounds in our session, as have "Father Ted" quotes.
"DRRRRIIIIINK!" - soon to be followed by, "I'm feelin' it now, Ted!"
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by jerball
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Here in Norway nobody has ever har about a whistle, so I got the reputation of being the stubborn recorder player.
Damn!! I really hate when people call it a recorder, I hate the sound of recorders, I hate recorders, and I can't understand why people can't see the difference between a Generation and recorder even though I've told it to them!!!!
Awwawgh!
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by tufbo
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Ah, a post I can respond to without inexperienced! I can really identify with where you're coming from. I wear a Utilikilt just about every day, so I get a lot of "are you Scottish?" (favorite answer: No, I'm a guy in a skirt. Deal with it.) and my personal favorite "what are you wearing underneath?" A LOT of it. It's almost a relief when I'm carrying my fiddle, because then people just assume I'm in a band or something and don't say anything.
Here's what I've figured out: I deal with your fiddle, kilt, what have you every day. But to all these people I'm something new and interesting. So I try to keep in mind that they don't know that I hear it all the time, and that helps my patience.
Keith
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by hotsauce
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
You have a LOT of what you wear underneath your Utilikilt, Keith? ;)
Well, this is what my husband wore under his kilt at our wedding (I bought it the day before and had my sisters deliver it before the ceremony...)
http://www.zinalee.com/images/wedding/whatsunder.jpg
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Zina Lee
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
oh yes, the "got a gun in that case".. no, more often it is "what is the difference between a violin and a fiddle". I usually answer that a fiddle is what I play if I want to have fun. If non-fiddler is asked, he says "Violin With Attitude".
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Aine Ni Scully
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
The mandolin is a fairly innocuous instrument on the grand scheme of things. The closest I usually receive to abuse is when kids (both little and big), spotting me in the street with my frying-pan shaped case, execute a manic strumming action, accompanied by "Ding-a-ling-a-ling", or some such onomatopoeic utterance.
On one occasion, while I was busking in a town somewhere (I forget where - I can't even remember which country) a woman appeared from a nearby shop, saying, "Will you stop! That music's driving me insane!" The last thing I wanted was an insane woman to deal with, so I obliged and moved on. I think I was probably playing the whistle.
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by granama
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
I have a neighbor who always asks me the same question when he sees me going down the stairs with my guitar and mandolin : "When are you coming to play for us ?" Luckily he is in charge of the house so I always say something like : " eh , I'll come to pay my tax first thing tomorrow morning.." and go away quickly.
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by azo
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Hi David. Yes, the mandolin is fairly harmless. Though, several years ago, I used to learn/practise on the night shift but my colleague complained about all the "plinking and plonking" and wondered why I never played the ending of "Maggie May"(Rod Stewart)---I'm a lot better now though and can do the latter as a party piece
)
If I ever take my old/cheaper mandolin outside, I have a soft case and everybody thinks it's a tennis racket. My good mandolin gets carried in a hard case and people think it's a banjo!! Many still do even when they see it. Either that or Ukele!
John
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Johannes J
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
John--playing the end of "Maggie May" on your mandolin as a party piece--I love that!
Anyway, I tend to have Michael Bolton's attitude--it doesn't bother me at all--there's a lot more annoying,rude, and treating-you-like-dirt people than that I have to deal with every day working retail, so a bad joke or ingorant comment or two about my instrument(s) is nothing to get hot under the collar about.
A few people have thought my larger harp in its case was a massage table, though! The only thing that did annoy me was a woman--a piano teacher, too--who called my small harp a lute!
Once I had a subway worker guy ask me to play him a sad song when I answered his question of what instrument I was carrying--I declined, but in retrospect, I really should have done it.
Once, when someone asked, "Is that a violin or a viola in there?" I said, "A fiddle, actually" To which he responded, "Oh, ok--first fiddle or second fiddle?" Then I explained that in Irish music all the fiddles are first fiddles!
# Posted on October 17th 2003 by Andee
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
I'm a \()) player, but this is about something else (no real abuse suffered for playing the drum so far...)
Andee, your story about someone asking you to play reminded me of this...
I used to be a real morris dancer. During the UK miners's strike back in the 70s we were invited to spend a weekend with some teams in Yorkshire, a shire of many mines. In our minibus on the motorway we were stopped by the police who saw a gang of blokes heading into Yorkshire in a bus. They thought we were flying pickets.
We had to do a dance for them before they'd believe us! We passed the hat around and they were generous...
We carried on to Sheffield and had a really great weekend. The communities were suffering and the folksongs about labouring class woes were thick on the ground and moving.
# Posted on October 18th 2003 by greenman
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
No instruments involved, but Green Oak Morris had a "Green Man" dancing with them at the time. He was rather realistic with leafy costume and quite horrific Haloween makeup.
We were dancing May Day and meeting at 5am for dawn. Of course, Eric drove to the venue "in character" and was stopped by the Picket Polis.
Ello,Ello,Ello, whats all this then? Been to a fancy dress party?
Now involving instruments,
In my busking days, travelling central France, I had no problem hitch-hiking as it was obvious it was an accordion in the case so they gave me a lift to the next village and invited me into their bar for music and free drinkies.
# Posted on October 19th 2003 by geoffwright
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
I don't know if I've told this one before. I share a house with a Mancunian and a Geordie. They're both sparks so most of their friends are manual labourers of some sort. Anyway one of the Geordie's mates was lodging with us for a few weeks - a great guy but a little bit slow. I'm in the kitchen one evening playing the box and in he comes blotto as usual. I say hello to him and he says, in a big loud Geordie accent: "Aw don't stop playing man. Gis a tune on ya trumpet!"
Eh?
Conán
# Posted on October 19th 2003 by Conán McDonnell
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
LOL Conán -- I understood all of that up to "I share a house..." Translate for us Yanks, have a heart!
# Posted on October 20th 2003 by Zina Lee
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Hilarious Conan-thats a great story! Ive never been offended about anything that has been said about the fiddle, tho as we all know I get incredibly annoyed and worked up about people who go on about how the music is easy etc. I think its fine to make jokes about instruments.
# Posted on October 20th 2003 by bb
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Geoff, hitch hiking with an accordion is a sure ticket *out* of town, rather than a welcome into the next one
What amazes me are the highly observant types who can't tell the difference between and end-blown whistle and a side-blown flute (even when you're playing it!), or a banjo and a guitar. I wonder how they find their way home each day after work....
# Posted on October 20th 2003 by Will CPT
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
It's not really abuse, but it gets on my nerves in a big way when someone asks "Is that a bagpipe?" re my pipes, especially when I'm in the middle of a tune.
I try hard to be polite, mind you, I know it's a perfectly innocent question, since most Americans have never seen irish pipes nor any other kind of pipes other than the Scottish Highland variety. It doesn't pay to be rude to people who are just curious.
# Posted on October 21st 2003 by Hanley
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
I'd definitely pick up a hitchhiker with an accordion, esp in France!
& no jokes either about scraping him off the grill or the absence of skid marks.....
# Posted on October 21st 2003 by emily_bmore
You're giving up the harp for that???
After playing Folk harp for almost ten years, a year ago I moved on to Anglo Concertina as my main instrument, and was completely unprepared for the reaction this change provoked.
One (non-musical) friend of mine literally laughed in my face, and it took some time to convince her that I was being totally serious.
Most of my other non-musical friends have all expressed confusion over why I would put aside something as beautiful as the hard to play "an accordian" (their description not mine).
(Nothing to do with increased portability, being more session friendly, or more importantly, that after making my living as as harp player for five years I was just plain burnt out).
Fortunately my partner, and my musical friends have all been supportive about this change of direction. One thing I have found is that as a harp player at festival you get a lot of attention; as a concertina player you are almost universally ignored.
At least I no longer have to put up with the regular comment: "You play harp, you must be an angel" (to which my reply is usually "Yes and Satan was an angel once too!"
Cheers,
Morgana
(No offense intended to any harp players anywhere
I still play from time to time, but no longer professionally, and now only for my own enjoyment 
# Posted on October 22nd 2003 by Ptollemy
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Zina, here's a glossary:
Mancunian - someone from Manchester
Geordie - someone from Newcastle
Spark - electrician
Blotto - you probably already know!
Conán
# Posted on October 22nd 2003 by Conán McDonnell
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
[Snigger @ Zina
]
# Posted on October 22nd 2003 by Dow
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Hey now, Mark, it's not MY fault the Queen's English has degenerated so badly over the years...and y'all dare to complain about the President's English -- well, to be honest, just right now, we do too...
So why are Newcastlians known as "Geordies", or do I want to know?
# Posted on October 22nd 2003 by Zina Lee
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
C'mon Dow, tell us....
Y'know, Geordies do not have any word for "coat", so the concept of a coat in winter doesn't exist in Geordieland. The young people go out at the weekend in tee-shirts and skimpy dresses the whole year round. I've seen it with my own eyes. Before that I thought it was just an urban myth. Nope. It's true. Honest.
# Posted on October 22nd 2003 by Key Maniac Lad
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
OK, here's one I *hadn't* heard before...
I'm heading off from work today en route to the session, fiddle case (oblong foam block style) in hand when a fellow from the office says, "Off to the squash court tonight, eh?". "Haha, like, yeah" sez I, muttering under my breath about smart-a fiddle case comments.
Then he sez, "Do you know so-and-so from work, his son used to play". "Oh, really?" sez I. "Yes, he was one of the top fifty in Australia". (I wonder how you work out who the top fifty violinists in Australia are, I thinks to meself.)
"Yeah, played for years until his knees packed it in." (Like, whaaaat????).
"Well, enjoy your game!"
Ummm, *squash* rackets?
# Posted on October 23rd 2003 by Tish
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Danny - George Stephenson invented a safety lantern for miners back in 1800 and something, it was known as the Geordie. Sir Humphrey Davy who had an excellent understanding of science and flammable gases, came up with a superior lantern in 1815 ish, this pretty much replaced the Geordie throughout the UK - everywhere except the Newcastle area, where they continued to use the Geordie lantern - hence they got the name Geordie.
I hadn't heard the coat theory before - but my brother (who lives in Newcastle) assures me that the coat situation described by Danny is true. However, we feel that the young girls with skimpy dresses and no coats is now a national trend and not just a geordie thing!
# Posted on October 23rd 2003 by jkneale
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Yeah, but it's not just a *trend* in Geordieland. It's a prerequisite to being a Geordie.
# Posted on October 23rd 2003 by Key Maniac Lad
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Yes, The Bigg market area on a Friday or Saturday night is the place to be for skimpy dresses and no coats although Glasgow city centre gets a bit like that too. We're a little more refined in Edinburgh where the girls wear coats but no knickers
)
John
# Posted on October 23rd 2003 by Johannes J
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
That could easily lead to abuse of your chosen instrument....
# Posted on October 23rd 2003 by Key Maniac Lad
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Stop it at once Danny! It's not big and it's not clever!
# Posted on October 24th 2003 by Geoff Pollitt
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Auggh. You're all fired. *snort* (how many am I up to now, Kevin and Jer?)
Actually, I don't think it's limited to Geordies at all. Even here in the States -- among the Goth kids, if you don't have a cool black or red coat (although a cloak is also quite the thing as well) to go over your latest acquisition of a genuine Victorian mourning outfit or black stretch PVC dress with the zipper cutouts running down the sides with sky-high platform thigh-high boots, then you go without.
# Posted on October 24th 2003 by Zina Lee
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Zina, in certain areas of Bristol can be seen ladies wearing the black stretch pvc etc. If a gentleman is driving a car at night and is lost, he should never stop to ask one of these ladies for instructions. She may possibly misunderstand his innocent enquiry, but the local police will most certainly misunderstand, as the subsequent court case will show ...
Trevor
# Posted on October 24th 2003 by lazyhound
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
...7 years of penal servitude, far away from his friends & relations? Sounds like a waltz:
Her eyes they shone like the diamond
You'd think she was queen of the land
And her derriere shone in the darkness
In tight black stretch PVC pants.
:D
# Posted on October 24th 2003 by emily_bmore
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Wish I had a dollar for everytime someone asks if my Concertina is an Accordian.
# Posted on November 11th 2003 by Ani Trec-Noc
Re: Abuse From Others RE: Your Chosen Instrument
The primary melody instrument of my choice is Recorder. It's a beautiful instrument and QUITE versatile. No one I've ever played for has had an ill word to say about it's sound itself, or my skill in playing it. I also play Whistle (though not nearly as much or as well), Bodhran, and sing specializing in Puirt-A-Beul.
There is a story, however...
When I first started playing melody/recorder, years + ago, a traddy musician approached me and said,
"Why don't you get yourself a real instrument, a traditional instrument, if you're going to play traditional Celtic music?"
This man played guitar, mandolin, bouzouki, and of course flute and whistle.
Well, as far as history goes... there are but five traditionally indigenous instruments to the Celts: Voice, Bones, Whislte (made from a bone), Bodhran & Harp. So technically speaking, anyone sporting an instrument OTHER than those five are playing an instrument that has, at some point in history, been adopted into Celtic music usage.
I'm darn sure that Guitar, Mandolin & Bouzouki aren't inventions of the ancient Celts.
I think it's wonderful to have ANY musician be so enamored by our Celtic music to want to play it despite whatever instrument they may choose.
To all those snotrags who see fit to pass judgement on others and the instruments their hearts choose to play... again, leave off your ego at the door and keep in mind that we are ONE community who gather and play together for the sake of the music. Honour the music, and stop dishonouring yourself by the negativity you spread each time you open your mouth to let fly anything other than something kind and supportive. If you can't play well with others in the sandbox called life, then go live alone in a cave and stop putting a damper on it for the rest of us.
# Posted on April 1st 2004 by Muirich3
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
April 1st. Alternatively, try it in Ireland, and let us know what happens.
# Posted on April 1st 2004 by Kenny
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
LOL Kenny!
# Posted on April 1st 2004 by Zina Lee
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
Urm... Muirich might benefit from researching the history of the bodhran, as it relates to ITM, before he places it into a chronological perspective.
# Posted on April 1st 2004 by Phantom Button
Re: Abuse from others re your chosen instrument
I've had my share, particularly when learning to play the whistle, and especially when living in a converted henhouse that served as a work hostel. Afterwards I met a girl who played whistle and was learning uilleann pipes. She said that when she practised the pipes, complaints just came from next door, but when she played the whistle, they came from houses quite a bit further away. I played "Planxty Irwin" for my sister's wedding: she said, "That tune's the reason I left the house!"
All in all, I can't blame the guys in the hostel for their dislike for my early attempts, or my sister either.
The melodeon I play is, of course, either an accordion or a concertina...
# Posted on August 27th 2006 by nicholas