How to make the other passengers on a bus or train feel very uncomfortable.
Put your mobile phone up to your ear and start talking loudly about the great four weeks you have just spent in Mexico, then start sneezing!!!!!!!
Mark: "It gave me the trots" - the oinkment? That leaves us with a way too obvious question - where did you rub it? ( ^ :
I suppose everyone could show up to a session with those sanitary wipes that disinfect everything. Any perennial pub drunks would have to be thoroughly wiped from top to bottom.
Sounds like a good concept for a new tune "The Sani-wipes Hornpipe."
An infected flute player I know has come up with through-the-flute "sneeze ornaments," which, to my ears, range from delightful to just so-so.
The less impressive ornaments sound like sadly earnest, unintentionally comic vocalized honks as made by a Special Olympics version of Ian Anderson. (Grateful tears to you, Mr. World President, for building a bridge back to this terrific brand of pick-on-the-helpless humor! Teachable moment.)
Seriously though, fate hinges on the tiniest things. If this flute player had turned his head away while sneezing, the ornaments would never have manifested themselves. Similarly, if Dr. Fleming had not played around with that mold, how many would have perished from disease?
I thought the United States wasn't supposed to have an African-American person as President until there was a cold day in Hell. In a short story by Harlan Ellison that I read in 1977 or 1976, there is a cold day in Hell with lots of snow that has some really funny and strange effects on all of these fools who used the phrase "cold day in Hell".
Someone tried to grab one of bangers off my plate the other day. I karate chopped his hand, the sausage went flying up in the air, and well, sure enough, swine flew.
I forget which politically incorrect British politician is quoted today in the Grauniad as saying "How do you get a seat on the bus ? Sneeze loudly over your poncho."
airport - that WAS meant to be a pun. (Although tempted I will not say "see what I mean" as you definitely do not fall into my aforementioned description )
Harlan Ellison ~ now that's one writer I'm quite fond of...
At least, if everyone does the white mask thing all the intonation and irritation problems with 'wind' will cease, no out of tune flutes or squeaky whistles, just reeds and strings and do-whacka-do ~ UH OH! I just realized, it will have no effect whatsoever on the bodhranistas and shaky egg brigade. But, just maybe, coughing and sneezing will have a more musical quality about it than the usual do-whacka-do?
STOP IT! I'm only kidding, don't hit me with your rhythm sticks... And sorry about the bad use of language, 'stick' on its own would be more appropriate, without the modifier 'rhythm'.
I haven't yet had that pleasure Ptarm. Hey, what about that black bread recipe I begged you to chase up for me in Ballycastle? That would surely do as a preventative measure against ill health of any kind, and double as a head for a sledge hammer, or a defensive weapon to threaten hoodies with. "Anywhere nearer son and I'll make you eat this!", shoving it in his face...
Hmmmm, 'Instant Coffee granules', interesting. Yes, I've had black rye breads before. This particular one I fell in love with there, we both did, pre-marriage, skirting your territory for music, dance and tales, was served up as a regular choice at a small bakery on the main street of Ballycastle. I even remember, roughly, that the name of the bread was Dalriada or Daligerry, or something like that, but with 'Dal' starting it off. It was heavy, dense, filling and scrumptious, great with a bit of pig of any smoked and cooked variety, or just dipped in or spread with salty bacon fat. It would definitely help to keep the chill and ills away.
And while we're on about Russians, which I'm growing fonder of every day, one member Bregolas being amongst them, we both like Black Russians and White Russians and a favourite tipple from Moscow is Moskovskaja, including thier Crystal, lovely stuff, including straight and unadulterated.
Scientist have released what they believe is the chronological order in which the virus spread.
This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy went...
"Wee wee wee" all the way home
(Does anyone remember this bedtime ritual of putting infants to bed and doing this toe pulling recital?)
my mum did it in our family and my wife and i continued the tradition with our daughters when they were infants
i love pork, favourite meal is 'bangers and mash' despite world culinanary dishes, but still haven't tasted wild Boar _ the original wild pig of Europe including the British Isles
'The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.'
final line of George Orwell's 'Animal Farm' (1945)
Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I called the Swine 'Flu Hotline but all I got was crackling...
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by Krick Stahlschwanz
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I am worried about this too,
I am pig sick and I came out in a nasty rasher, however I am hoping to be cured.
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by See You Wins
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
Don't worry it will be ok if you run on oinkment!
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by bazouki dave
Rub that should be
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by bazouki dave
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
Gave me a bad case of the trots
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by Mark Harmer
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
How to make the other passengers on a bus or train feel very uncomfortable.
Put your mobile phone up to your ear and start talking loudly about the great four weeks you have just spent in Mexico, then start sneezing!!!!!!!
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by Free Reed
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I kid you not .... two Mexicans actually arrived at our session pub last night, dressed like this:
http://www.partydomain.co.uk/d-commerce/media/pmslrg_G11039.jpg
They brought on lots of pretend sneezing around the bar, but they didn't actually upset our session.
I couldn't think of any Irish tunes, with the word Mexico in the title though.
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by Ptarmigan
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
My Mexican freinds are calling it the 'California Flu'.
I suppose one wouldn't use a horpipe for that since it could be contagious......
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by zippydw
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
Mark: "It gave me the trots" - the oinkment? That leaves us with a way too obvious question - where did you rub it? ( ^ :
I suppose everyone could show up to a session with those sanitary wipes that disinfect everything. Any perennial pub drunks would have to be thoroughly wiped from top to bottom.
Sounds like a good concept for a new tune "The Sani-wipes Hornpipe."
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by Micheál
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
An infected flute player I know has come up with through-the-flute "sneeze ornaments," which, to my ears, range from delightful to just so-so.
The less impressive ornaments sound like sadly earnest, unintentionally comic vocalized honks as made by a Special Olympics version of Ian Anderson. (Grateful tears to you, Mr. World President, for building a bridge back to this terrific brand of pick-on-the-helpless humor! Teachable moment.)
Seriously though, fate hinges on the tiniest things. If this flute player had turned his head away while sneezing, the ornaments would never have manifested themselves. Similarly, if Dr. Fleming had not played around with that mold, how many would have perished from disease?
Food for thought.
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by NEW Pure Drop® Ear Canal Oil
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I am sure you could always ham it up
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by bazouki dave
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I couldn't give a sausage.
Miss Piggy's my only barbie doll.
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by nicholas
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
They said if the only time there would be a black president is when pigs fly. 100 days later "Swine Flu"
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by upmine3
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
GROOOOOAN!
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by Bob himself
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
This whole thread is just pun-tastic.
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by Glass of Beer
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I thought the United States wasn't supposed to have an African-American person as President until there was a cold day in Hell. In a short story by Harlan Ellison that I read in 1977 or 1976, there is a cold day in Hell with lots of snow that has some really funny and strange effects on all of these fools who used the phrase "cold day in Hell".
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by fauxcelt
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
Someone tried to grab one of bangers off my plate the other day. I karate chopped his hand, the sausage went flying up in the air, and well, sure enough, swine flew.
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
In which case, pork flew. Just sayin'.
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by Atahualpa Quigley
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
Pork flew? Gesundheit!
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I forget which politically incorrect British politician is quoted today in the Grauniad as saying "How do you get a seat on the bus ? Sneeze loudly over your poncho."
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by Guernsey Pete
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
He was telling porkies.
# Posted on May 8th 2009 by nicholas
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
You can get swine flu from just looking at this web site judging by the amount of pig ignorant bores it seems to attract nowadays.
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by Rudall the time
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
is that a real poncho...i mean. Is that a mexican poncho. Or is that a sears poncho? Hmmm...no foolin
—F. Zappa
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by Lint - upon - Tweed
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
um, shouldn't that be "boars"? (in keeping with the pun theme anyway)
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by airport
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
Bourse?
http://www.ushistory.org/tour/tour_bourse.htm
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
What is a crafty pig called?
CunningHAM.
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by Lint - upon - Tweed
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
what did 0 say to 8?
nice belt
thanks SWFL - now i have the Mr Ed. theme stuck in my head (a bourse is a bourse of course of course...)
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by airport
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
airport - that WAS meant to be a pun. (Although tempted I will not say "see what I mean" as you definitely do not fall into my aforementioned description
)
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by Rudall the time
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
Harlan Ellison ~ now that's one writer I'm quite fond of...
At least, if everyone does the white mask thing all the intonation and irritation problems with 'wind' will cease, no out of tune flutes or squeaky whistles, just reeds and strings and do-whacka-do ~ UH OH! I just realized, it will have no effect whatsoever on the bodhranistas and shaky egg brigade. But, just maybe, coughing and sneezing will have a more musical quality about it than the usual do-whacka-do?
STOP IT! I'm only kidding, don't hit me with your rhythm sticks... And sorry about the bad use of language, 'stick' on its own would be more appropriate, without the modifier 'rhythm'.
Fight!
AHCHOO!!! COUGH, COUGH! ~ be kind, I'm ill don't yuh know...
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by ceolachan
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
The swine flu outbreak has generated a lot of spam.
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by dafydd
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
Doctor, doctor, think I'm suffering from swine flu.
How long have you felt like this?
About a Weeeeeeeeee ..k
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by portnasaol
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
dafydd, that's horrible. It's probably true in the literal sense.
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by nicholas
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I was asked not to bring my Bacon banjo, but there might have been other reasons for that.
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by McMandolin
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
A theme song from Simon And Garfunkel for the pigs.
Brigde Over Troubled Trotters
You can take that for grunted.
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by dafydd
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
bridge
# Posted on May 9th 2009 by dafydd
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I just rang the ITM swine-flu hotline and got nothing but crackling! What's the world coming to!
# Posted on May 10th 2009 by Skull Duggeraigh Dubh
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
too...just like Krick's crackling! Must have the flu!
# Posted on May 10th 2009 by Skull Duggeraigh Dubh
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I admit a weakness for crackling, and doing chips in pig fat...
# Posted on May 10th 2009 by ceolachan
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
Here's another recipe for you then Ceolachan.
In Scotland, Oatmeal fried in Bacon fat is called: "Mealy Crushie"!
In North Antrim it's called: "Scad the Begger"!
"Scad the begger - some say this was the same as Mealy crushie, others talk about frying leftovers for the tramps that came calling
Mealy crushie - oatmeal fried in pan of bacon fat."
http://www.storyfinders.co.uk/Directory/?module=Item%20Detail&itemid=b1bad7cb-f0a7-47cf-b85c-f9b2eea0c6b1&directoryid=c68bb7ae-b57b-463b-bc83-d48716518c36&directorytabid=4
N.B. If you are interested in dialects, there is a link to a sound file of North Antrim man, Willie Peden, talking.
# Posted on May 10th 2009 by Ptarmigan
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I haven't yet had that pleasure Ptarm. Hey, what about that black bread recipe I begged you to chase up for me in Ballycastle? That would surely do as a preventative measure against ill health of any kind, and double as a head for a sledge hammer, or a defensive weapon to threaten hoodies with. "Anywhere nearer son and I'll make you eat this!", shoving it in his face...
# Posted on May 10th 2009 by ceolachan
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
OK C, I've never heard of it, but I've put out a few feelers & will get back to you.
In the meantime, I assume you've tried this stuff ~ Black Russian Bread:
http://www.recipezaar.com/Russian-Black-Bread-58473
However, in the present climate, perhaps you shouldn't eat it with Black Russian Boar!
http://www.oakgrovehuntingpreserve.com/Oak-Grove-Hunting-Preserve-2.jpg
Better to just wash it down with a Black Russian:
http://www.newsbartenders.it/wp-content/uploads/BLACK%20RUSSIAN.jpg
# Posted on May 10th 2009 by Ptarmigan
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
whatever you do, don't put out feelers, you're likely to catch something really nasty taking risks like that!!
# Posted on May 10th 2009 by Skull Duggeraigh Dubh
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
Hmmmm, 'Instant Coffee granules', interesting. Yes, I've had black rye breads before. This particular one I fell in love with there, we both did, pre-marriage, skirting your territory for music, dance and tales, was served up as a regular choice at a small bakery on the main street of Ballycastle. I even remember, roughly, that the name of the bread was Dalriada or Daligerry, or something like that, but with 'Dal' starting it off. It was heavy, dense, filling and scrumptious, great with a bit of pig of any smoked and cooked variety, or just dipped in or spread with salty bacon fat. It would definitely help to keep the chill and ills away.
And while we're on about Russians, which I'm growing fonder of every day, one member Bregolas being amongst them, we both like Black Russians and White Russians and a favourite tipple from Moscow is Moskovskaja, including thier Crystal, lovely stuff, including straight and unadulterated.
# Posted on May 10th 2009 by ceolachan
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I like to do pigs in chip fat.
A pig is an awkward beast: too much for one person, not enough for two.
My Celtic ancestor was Obelix.
# Posted on May 10th 2009 by nicholas
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
I prefer the wee coconut eating pigs of the South Pacific.
# Posted on May 10th 2009 by ceolachan
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
Scientist have released what they believe is the chronological order in which the virus spread.
This little piggy went to market,
This little piggy stayed at home,
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy went...
"Wee wee wee" all the way home
(Does anyone remember this bedtime ritual of putting infants to bed and doing this toe pulling recital?)
# Posted on May 13th 2009 by Micheál
Re: Swine 'Flu effects on ITM?
my mum did it in our family and my wife and i continued the tradition with our daughters when they were infants
i love pork, favourite meal is 'bangers and mash' despite world culinanary dishes, but still haven't tasted wild Boar _ the original wild pig of Europe including the British Isles
'The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.'
final line of George Orwell's 'Animal Farm' (1945)
# Posted on May 19th 2009 by lisaniska