According to my oldest sister and my ex-girlfriend, no amount of brain surgery will help me in any way whatsoever.
This story reminds of a Swedish sailor who could only speak English when he was drunk. When this sailor was sober, he couldn't speak any English.
When Joe Burke was visiting Jackie Daly in the hospital after Jackie's brain hemorrhage, Joe asked the doctor if he could remove some of the polkas. Or so Jackie says.
The local people here in Arkansas tell me that I speak with a foreign accent but it isn't my fault that I was born and raised in Chicago.
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me". Thank you fidkid, I will gladly drink to that with a bottle of Shiner Bock.
Reminds me of a joke Cathal McConnell told at a Boys of the Lough concert last year:
An American tourist spent a long vacation in Ireland and fell in love with the country and its people. He loved everything about the Irish... so much in fact, that when he went home to the US, he consulted a doctor to see if there was any sort of medical procedure that could turn him into an Irishman.
The doctor said, "Well, there is a very drastic procedure we could perform. It entails surgically removing half of your brain, which would make you as close to being Irish as you could get."
The American wanted to become Irish so badly that he called the doctor back and scheduled a date for the surgery. Soon enough, the date had arrived and the American walked into the operating room. The doctors put him under and started the surgery.
When the American woke up, several doctors were gathered around him with extremely anxious and embarrassed looks on their faces. The head surgeon took a deep breath and told his patient, "I'm terribly sorry, there's been a terrible mistake. We accidentally removed 3/4 of your brain instead of only half."
At that, the patient sat up, smiled, and said in a heavy British accent, "Right-o, very well then, chaps!"
The Irish Navy has beer, ale and stout on tap in the crew's lounges! No dry sea voyages for them! If I had known that before I joined the US Coast Guard, I might have emigrated before shipping off to sea!
Another, very long, Cathal joke -
Man walks into record store and sees an LP of wasp sounds in the rack, Could you play some of it for me, he asks, I'm the world's leading expert on wasps. The store owner plays track 1 and the man gets very excited, that's brilliant, he exclaims, please play some more. The owner plays another track and another, both getting a rapturous reception from the expert. One more, he pleads and the owner plays yet another. Hmm, says the expert, I've never heard that sound before, totally got me there and I thought I knew everything about wasps. Dreadfully sorry says the owner, thats the bee side!
No, iwerzon, fortunately not.
My ex-girlfriend and my oldest sister are two very different people who have never met.
Actually, the local people here in Arkansas have told me that I don't qualify to be a hillbilly and will never qualify as a hillbilly or be considered to be a hillbilly because I was born and raised in the wrong place (Chicago).
Also, since none of my ancestors on both sides of the family were hillbillies, supposedly that further disqualifies me.
However, I am still welcome to play my acoustic bass with this group of mixed nuts when they get together once a month to play what they call old-time folk music.
There was another case - this time they accidentaly removed all of the man's brain. When he woke up they appologised saying - " But never mind, your new Volvo's in the carpark".
Brain? Brain? What is "Brain"? (to quote an infamous line from Star Trek)
Speaking of brain surgery.....did anyone see the cartoon about the updated and modernized version of Frankenstein in which Igor makes the mistake of stealing the brain of a dead insurance salesman? When Igor and Dr. von Frankenstein revive the corpse with electricity, the first words that come out of its mouth are an offer to sell them long term life insurance. Dr. von Frankenstein immediately and desperately orders Igor to turn off the electricity.
Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
Those of you feeling a tad less Irish after having read recent discussions may find the following article of interest :-
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1173939/Yorkshireman-brain-surgery--wakes-singing-Irish-accent.html
Of course, the operation is only guaranteed to work if you start out as a Yorkshire man, not unlike myself
# Posted on April 28th 2009 by Rick Payman
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
According to my oldest sister and my ex-girlfriend, no amount of brain surgery will help me in any way whatsoever.
This story reminds of a Swedish sailor who could only speak English when he was drunk. When this sailor was sober, he couldn't speak any English.
# Posted on April 28th 2009 by fauxcelt
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
Foreign Accent Syndrome? Really?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foreign_accent_syndrome
# Posted on April 28th 2009 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me.
# Posted on April 28th 2009 by fidkid
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
When Joe Burke was visiting Jackie Daly in the hospital after Jackie's brain hemorrhage, Joe asked the doctor if he could remove some of the polkas. Or so Jackie says.
# Posted on April 28th 2009 by GaryAMartin
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
The local people here in Arkansas tell me that I speak with a foreign accent but it isn't my fault that I was born and raised in Chicago.
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me". Thank you fidkid, I will gladly drink to that with a bottle of Shiner Bock.
# Posted on April 28th 2009 by fauxcelt
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
I have never met a sober Swedish sailor. Do they exist?
Though I remember once seeing the arrival of a Norwegian fishing boat crew at a pub in Scalloway, Shetland.
One of their number was being carried. It was obvious he had well and truly had his first course already.
# Posted on April 28th 2009 by nicholas
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
Come on everybody! "What do you do with a sober Swedish sailor? What do you do with a..."
# Posted on April 28th 2009 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
Gary, that's HILARIOUS.
# Posted on April 28th 2009 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
Reminds me of a joke Cathal McConnell told at a Boys of the Lough concert last year:
An American tourist spent a long vacation in Ireland and fell in love with the country and its people. He loved everything about the Irish... so much in fact, that when he went home to the US, he consulted a doctor to see if there was any sort of medical procedure that could turn him into an Irishman.
The doctor said, "Well, there is a very drastic procedure we could perform. It entails surgically removing half of your brain, which would make you as close to being Irish as you could get."
The American wanted to become Irish so badly that he called the doctor back and scheduled a date for the surgery. Soon enough, the date had arrived and the American walked into the operating room. The doctors put him under and started the surgery.
When the American woke up, several doctors were gathered around him with extremely anxious and embarrassed looks on their faces. The head surgeon took a deep breath and told his patient, "I'm terribly sorry, there's been a terrible mistake. We accidentally removed 3/4 of your brain instead of only half."
At that, the patient sat up, smiled, and said in a heavy British accent, "Right-o, very well then, chaps!"
# Posted on April 28th 2009 by heisenburger
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
Doctor, will I be able to play the fiddle afterwards . . .
So Irish sailors are sober?
# Posted on April 28th 2009 by Random_notes
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
What does a British accent sound like?
# Posted on April 28th 2009 by Nick Splease
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
British accent vs the American:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYmrg3owTRE
# Posted on April 29th 2009 by Ptarmigan
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
The Irish Navy has beer, ale and stout on tap in the crew's lounges! No dry sea voyages for them! If I had known that before I joined the US Coast Guard, I might have emigrated before shipping off to sea!
# Posted on April 29th 2009 by AlBrown
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
Another, very long, Cathal joke -
Man walks into record store and sees an LP of wasp sounds in the rack, Could you play some of it for me, he asks, I'm the world's leading expert on wasps. The store owner plays track 1 and the man gets very excited, that's brilliant, he exclaims, please play some more. The owner plays another track and another, both getting a rapturous reception from the expert. One more, he pleads and the owner plays yet another. Hmm, says the expert, I've never heard that sound before, totally got me there and I thought I knew everything about wasps. Dreadfully sorry says the owner, thats the bee side!
# Posted on April 29th 2009 by strayaway
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
Fauxcelt wrote above "..According to my oldest sister and my ex-girlfriend, no amount of brain surgery will help me in any way whatsoever." -
Is she the same person? You hillbillies have all the fun rolled into one!!!
# Posted on April 29th 2009 by iwerzon
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
No, iwerzon, fortunately not.
My ex-girlfriend and my oldest sister are two very different people who have never met.
Actually, the local people here in Arkansas have told me that I don't qualify to be a hillbilly and will never qualify as a hillbilly or be considered to be a hillbilly because I was born and raised in the wrong place (Chicago).
Also, since none of my ancestors on both sides of the family were hillbillies, supposedly that further disqualifies me.
However, I am still welcome to play my acoustic bass with this group of mixed nuts when they get together once a month to play what they call old-time folk music.
# Posted on April 29th 2009 by fauxcelt
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
He woke up singing an old Pat’n’Mike senteemental-loike English music hall number. He was simply belting out a local cliché.
If he woke up in New York, he'd have done vaudeville: “Oy, such a pain in my kopf I have.”
# Posted on April 29th 2009 by NEW Pure Drop® Ear Canal Oil
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
Just a fantastic dialogue. Simply brilliant, nearly all of you! Thank you for this.
# Posted on May 1st 2009 by Salvia
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
Ah that Irish surgery team!
There was another case - this time they accidentaly removed all of the man's brain. When he woke up they appologised saying - " But never mind, your new Volvo's in the carpark".
# Posted on May 4th 2009 by Mozle
Re: Brain Surgery to make you Irish?
Brain? Brain? What is "Brain"? (to quote an infamous line from Star Trek)
Speaking of brain surgery.....did anyone see the cartoon about the updated and modernized version of Frankenstein in which Igor makes the mistake of stealing the brain of a dead insurance salesman? When Igor and Dr. von Frankenstein revive the corpse with electricity, the first words that come out of its mouth are an offer to sell them long term life insurance. Dr. von Frankenstein immediately and desperately orders Igor to turn off the electricity.
# Posted on May 4th 2009 by fauxcelt