Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

TAE A FART (BURNS SUPPER)
Oh whit a sleekit horrible beastie
lurks in your belly after the feastie
Jist as you sit doon amang yer kin
There starts tae stir an enormous win'
The neeps 'n'tatties 'n' mushy peas
Start workin' like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin' wi the sauncie face
Will hae ye blowin 'a' ower the place
Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'bodys gonny huv tae pay
Even when ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle
Ye hawd yer bum ticht tae the chair
An try tae stop the leakin' air
Shiftin' yersel fae cheek tae cheek
An pray tae god it disnae reek
But aw yer efforts go asunder
When oot it comes, a clap 'o thunder
Richochets aroon the room
Michty me a sonic boom!
God Almichty it fairly reeks
Hope a huvnae shit ma breeks
Tae the bog a better scurry
Aw whit the hell, it's no ma worry
A'body roon aboot me chokin'
Wan or twa ur nearly boakin
A'll feel better fur a while
Canny help but raise a smile
"Wis him!" I shout wi accusin' glower
Alas too late, he's just keeled ower
"Ye durty bugger!" they shout and stare
A dinna feel welcome any mair
But where ye go, let yer win' gang free
Sounds like jist the job tae me
But whit a fuss at Rabbies party
Owe the sake 'O' wan wee farty.
AUTHOR UNKNOWN BUT IT CERTAINLY WISNAE RABBIE

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by Peter O'Connor

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

That's great, thanks for that Peter. I had haggis tonight as it happens. Bloody lovely stuff but it definitely has windy properties.

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by bogman

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

I suppose the Irish equivalent of addressing the haggis would be playing a little tune to the Guinness before you drink it.

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by Trevor Jennings

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

Lazyhound, I guess my equivalent would be playing a tune to the Shiner Bock before I drink it.
When I was in the Navy, I was told that one of the terms of the so-called "colorful sailor's slang" was to spell relief "F-A-R-T".

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by fauxcelt

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

thank u Peter - where did this come from

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by black

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QbkOsXvwdL8

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by Ptarmigan

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

thanks for the link Ptarmigan, I was laughing nearly as hard as they were.
Just the job for a miserable Sunday morning.

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by john knoss

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

Aye John, let's face it, anyone who can actually keep a straight face through that wee lassies giggles, needs to check their pulse!

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by Ptarmigan

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

And all those "wee drams" consumed at Burns suppers also have an affect (according to "the man himself"):

Freedom and Whisky Gang Thegither
---------------------------------------------------

Oh whisky! soul o' plays and pranks!
Accept a bardie's gratefu' thanks!
When wanting thee, what tuneless cranks
Are my poor verses!
Thou comes - they rattle in their ranks,
At ither's arses!

Fortune! if thou but gie me still
Hale breeks, a scone, an' whisky gill,
An' rowth o' rhyme to rave at will,
Tak a' the rest,
An' deal't about as thy blind skill
Directs thee best.

... but this wasn't written my the bard:

What's the difference between a rich Scotsman, a poor Scotsman and a dead Scotsman?

A rich Scotsman has a canopy over his head -
A poor Scotsman has a can o' pee under his bed -
But a dead Scotsman canna pee at all.

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by Mix O'Lydian

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

A Scottish Jewish musician left the session this afternoon a little early, explaining he was on the way to a kosher Burns Night !
No, I'm baffled too.

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by Guernsey Pete

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

Try this Pete:

http://thecapitalscot.com/pastfeatures/haggis_kosher.html

I just hope it's a whole lot better than any Vegitarian Haggis I've ever tried!

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by Ptarmigan

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

Vegetarian haggis always seems a contradiction in terms...I wonder what's it made of?

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by snowyowl

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

Wow, I love veggie haggis, it's really tasty. Much better than that lettuce crap anyway.

# Posted on January 25th 2009 by bogman

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

I had heard the Ode to a Ferty before so recited it last night at an "alternative" Burns'. It went down very well.
This particular group (Wakefield Cathedral Choir) made their own haggis, which was quite succesful, (and their own cider, which was very succesful)

We did one on Friday (officers mess), which proved the old axiom that the measure of a good Burns' Night, is inversely proportionate to the ability to speak after midnight.

# Posted on January 26th 2009 by geoffwright

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

“ “Vegetarian haggis always seems a contradiction in terms...I wonder what's it made of?” “

Vegetarians…..of course!
J

# Posted on January 26th 2009 by Fr.Jack

Re: Rabbie Burns Nite. (with apologies to our Haggis-playing cousins)

Haggis is brilliant. Veggie haggis is okay but I prefer the real thing.

# Posted on January 27th 2009 by DrSilverSpear