A composer wrote a piece of music for five violins and one tenor saxophone. He couldn't think of a good title for this piece until he learned that the first public performance of his new piece would be on public television. Which gave the composer the perfect idea for a title, "Sax & Violins On TV".
There was an instrumental track on an old Steeleye Span album called 'Robbery With Violins'. The track,not the album.
Apropos of nothing.
Two eggs in a fridge.
One says to the other,
'It's cold in here'
The other egg says,
'Bugger me,a talking egg!'
I suppose there'll be endless jokes about poor, misrepresented violas. However, I did notice a poster for the Cambridge Viola Festival yesterday, which contained the words "admission free"!
Minimum safe distances between street musicians and the public:
* Fiddler: 25 feet
* Bad Fiddler: 50 feet
* Tone Deaf Guitar Player who knows 3 chords: 75 feet
* 15 year-old Electric Guitar Player with Nirvana fixation: 100 feet
* Accordionist: 60 miles
My uncle's friend played violin for the Philadelphia Orchestra and his wife played the saxaphone. The neighbors complained about too much sax and violins coming from the house.
(True that the 1st violinist of the Philadelphia was my uncle's friend.)
I do remember the late Gilda Radner (as Emily Litella) saying that on Saturday Night Live during the Weekend news part of the program.
I was reminded of this comment a few years ago when a saxophone sextet who called themselves the Nuclear Whales performed in the auditorium at the University of Central Arkansas. Besides playing every type and size of saxophone ever invented, they told bad jokes when they weren't playing music.
When I posted that joke, I didn't know whether or not I would start something but I seem to have succeeded in spite of myself. I am glad to read that you people are able to take your PUNishment like good musicians.
Great jokes. thanks. I write a weekly column on Trad music for the Newry Reporter(Northern Ireland) and have included 2 Q & A trad jokes per week over the last 2 years. It's getting harder to maintain that committment, but this stuff will see me thru the rest of the year.
(If your interested, the weekly articles are posted on our web site www.ceolcamloch.co.uk and go to The Pure Drop)
An Irish pub owner is at his wit's end.
New Year's Eve and the band have cancelled.
He calls around some contacts.
All the bands are working.
Eventually he finds an irish banjo quintet that are surprisingly not working that night.
They come and do the gig,it's New Year's Eve,the pub is full of drunken punters and they go do well.
After the gig the owner says to them
'That went down well,can you come back next New Year's Eve?'
'Sure,and can we leave our instruments here?'
Just before the Irish band are due onstage the promoter hears an almighty row going in the dressing room.
He bursts in and says
'What's going on,you're due onstage in 5 minutes'
The banjo player points at the guitarist and says
'He turned one of my pegs and he won't tell me which one!'
Thankyou AlBrown, that's the best one I've come across about banjo players in a long while (the artillery shell) - had me in stitches.
And the difference between a trampoline and (insert instrument of choice) ?
...you take your shoes off when you jump on a trampoline.
Cheers and have a nice day
I work in alot of seedy neighborhoods. The joke about advice about making sure you lock the car securely to secure one's accordion comes to mind.
Fellow parks in a bad neighborhoodand leaves car locked with accordion in the back seat. Comes back to find the car broken into, but now with two accordions in the back seat.
Of course our daughter visiting from college, comes up with a new variation about Accordion's inability to practice birth control. (On her previous visit I had one box sitting next to my easy chair). She arrives from the airport and sees I have a new Salterelle sitting next to the old Kayleigh box by my chair.
She says..."what's with accordions. You leave them alone for bit and they multiply like bunny rabbits?!"
You could be right about that "violins in the streets" comment, devellis, since my memories of watching Saturday Night Live are about thirty years old now. Did she ever say anything about "sax in the streets" referring to a saxophone player standing on a street corner and playing for whatever money people are willing to throw into his empty case?
You are welcome to the jokes, Tommy Fegan. There are more jokes that I like to share with people but I am not going to post them here because they aren't musician jokes.
Musician joke
Musician joke
A composer wrote a piece of music for five violins and one tenor saxophone. He couldn't think of a good title for this piece until he learned that the first public performance of his new piece would be on public television. Which gave the composer the perfect idea for a title, "Sax & Violins On TV".
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by fauxcelt
Re: Musician joke
"What's this i hear about sax and violins?" (or something like that) - Gilda Radner, SNL skit
quick, someone find it on youtube...
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by wyogal
Re: Musician joke
What's the first thing a soprano does in the morning?
Puts on her clothes and goes home.
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Greg the Piano Tuner
Re: Musician joke
There was an instrumental track on an old Steeleye Span album called 'Robbery With Violins'. The track,not the album.
Apropos of nothing.
Two eggs in a fridge.
One says to the other,
'It's cold in here'
The other egg says,
'Bugger me,a talking egg!'
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by dafydd
Re: Musician joke
I suppose there'll be endless jokes about poor, misrepresented violas. However, I did notice a poster for the Cambridge Viola Festival yesterday, which contained the words "admission free"!
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by RichardB
Re: Musician joke
Heard this from a cellist:
What does a conductor and a preservative have in common?
You're safer with one, but it's more fun without.
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Ramiro
Re: Musician joke
And this one is from:
http://www.mit.edu/~jcb/jokes/
What's the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
The chain saw has greater dynamic range.
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Ramiro
Re: Musician joke
But what if the chainsaw runs outta gas? Or maybe the range could be dynamic if it was an electric one.
Then you should fill the banjo full of popcorn and shake vigorously over an open flame.
And of course the piano accordion would suck all the oxygen out of the room.
In turn making every fiddler having head feeling dizzy.
Which in that case, offer the flute blower a personal bowl of popcorn....
...non-buttered of course.
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Ray Mariani
Re: Musician joke
There was this >banjo player< sitting alone in a pub ---
Surprised?
(substitute instrument of your choice)
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Rook
Old chestnut
Q: What is the definition of a gentleman?
A: Someone who can play accordian but chooses not to.
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Krick Stahlschwanz
Re: Musician joke
Minimum safe distances between street musicians and the public:
* Fiddler: 25 feet
* Bad Fiddler: 50 feet
* Tone Deaf Guitar Player who knows 3 chords: 75 feet
* 15 year-old Electric Guitar Player with Nirvana fixation: 100 feet
* Accordionist: 60 miles
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by D.J.F.
Re: Musician joke
how many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
five.
one to do it, and four to say "I can do that"
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Nate Ryan
Re: Musician joke
My uncle's friend played violin for the Philadelphia Orchestra and his wife played the saxaphone. The neighbors complained about too much sax and violins coming from the house.
(True that the 1st violinist of the Philadelphia was my uncle's friend.)
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by grumblingoldwoman
Re: Musician joke
I remember this one from a page of banjo jokes:
"What do you say to a banjo player with a beautiful woman on his arm?
" Nice tattoo."
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Mandogal
Re: Musician joke
whats the difference between and accordion and a melodion...it takes longer to burn an accordion.
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by tonnta
Re: Musician joke
When a musician dies and he goes to Heaven, St Peter greets him and says "Welcome to Heaven, here's your harp"
but if he goes to Hell, the devil greets him and says "Welcome to Hell, here's your BANJO"
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Nate Ryan
Re: Musician joke
How many bouzouki players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five
One to do it and four to discuss how Andy Irvine would have done it
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Ginepro
Re: Musician joke
How do you make a traditional musician play quieter?
Give him sheet music.
Ooh...gonna get comments on that one...
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Ginepro
Re: Musician joke
And how do you make him stop playing?
Write notes on it.
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Faolan McFion
Re: Musician joke
See http://www.thesession.org/discussions/display/6352/comments#comment135300 for a few more!
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Bannerman
Re: Musician joke
I do remember the late Gilda Radner (as Emily Litella) saying that on Saturday Night Live during the Weekend news part of the program.
I was reminded of this comment a few years ago when a saxophone sextet who called themselves the Nuclear Whales performed in the auditorium at the University of Central Arkansas. Besides playing every type and size of saxophone ever invented, they told bad jokes when they weren't playing music.
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by fauxcelt
Re: Musician joke
There have probably been a lot of double "entendre" punning jokes about saxophones since Adolph Sax first patented his new instruments in 1846.
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by fauxcelt
Re: Musician joke
What's the difference between an expensive wooden recorder and a cheap plastic one?
Woodworm.
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by nicholas
Re: Musician joke
What's the difference between an orchestra and a bull?
With a bull, the horns are in the front and the a $ $ hole is in the back...
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by Seosamh Ui Sinan
Re: Musician joke
When I posted that joke, I didn't know whether or not I would start something but I seem to have succeeded in spite of myself. I am glad to read that you people are able to take your PUNishment like good musicians.
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by fauxcelt
Re: Musician joke
The way I remember the Gilda Radner routine, it was about stopping "violins in the streets" with no mention of a sax. I could be wrong, though.
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by devellis
Re: Musician joke
Great jokes. thanks. I write a weekly column on Trad music for the Newry Reporter(Northern Ireland) and have included 2 Q & A trad jokes per week over the last 2 years. It's getting harder to maintain that committment, but this stuff will see me thru the rest of the year.
(If your interested, the weekly articles are posted on our web site www.ceolcamloch.co.uk and go to The Pure Drop)
# Posted on June 17th 2008 by tommy fegan
Re: Musician joke
Why is a banjo like an artillery shell?
Because by the time you hear it coming, it's too late.
What are the words a banjo player is most likely to hear while wearing a suit?
Will the defendant please rise.
# Posted on June 18th 2008 by AlBrown
Re: Musician joke
How do you get a fiddler off of your front porch????????????
Pay him for the pizza!
# Posted on June 18th 2008 by Raymond G
Re: Musician joke
What was Beethoven doing in his grave with an eraser and a peice of paper?
Decomposing!
# Posted on June 18th 2008 by dafydd
Re: Musician joke
An Irish pub owner is at his wit's end.
New Year's Eve and the band have cancelled.
He calls around some contacts.
All the bands are working.
Eventually he finds an irish banjo quintet that are surprisingly not working that night.
They come and do the gig,it's New Year's Eve,the pub is full of drunken punters and they go do well.
After the gig the owner says to them
'That went down well,can you come back next New Year's Eve?'
'Sure,and can we leave our instruments here?'
# Posted on June 18th 2008 by dafydd
Re: Musician joke
Just before the Irish band are due onstage the promoter hears an almighty row going in the dressing room.
He bursts in and says
'What's going on,you're due onstage in 5 minutes'
The banjo player points at the guitarist and says
'He turned one of my pegs and he won't tell me which one!'
# Posted on June 18th 2008 by dafydd
Re: Musician joke
Thankyou AlBrown, that's the best one I've come across about banjo players in a long while (the artillery shell) - had me in stitches.
And the difference between a trampoline and (insert instrument of choice) ?
...you take your shoes off when you jump on a trampoline.
Cheers and have a nice day
# Posted on June 18th 2008 by john knoss
Re: Musician joke
I work in alot of seedy neighborhoods. The joke about advice about making sure you lock the car securely to secure one's accordion comes to mind.
Fellow parks in a bad neighborhoodand leaves car locked with accordion in the back seat. Comes back to find the car broken into, but now with two accordions in the back seat.
Of course our daughter visiting from college, comes up with a new variation about Accordion's inability to practice birth control. (On her previous visit I had one box sitting next to my easy chair). She arrives from the airport and sees I have a new Salterelle sitting next to the old Kayleigh box by my chair.
She says..."what's with accordions. You leave them alone for bit and they multiply like bunny rabbits?!"
# Posted on June 18th 2008 by zippydw
Re: Musician joke
You could be right about that "violins in the streets" comment, devellis, since my memories of watching Saturday Night Live are about thirty years old now. Did she ever say anything about "sax in the streets" referring to a saxophone player standing on a street corner and playing for whatever money people are willing to throw into his empty case?
You are welcome to the jokes, Tommy Fegan. There are more jokes that I like to share with people but I am not going to post them here because they aren't musician jokes.
# Posted on June 18th 2008 by fauxcelt
Re: Musician joke
what's the difference between a seamstress and a viola player?
One tucks up frills....
# Posted on June 22nd 2008 by fynnjamin
Re: Musician joke
Thank you fynnjamin but I suspect that sex with a trill would not be very enjoyable.
# Posted on June 22nd 2008 by fauxcelt