With all these recent serious politically related posts, I thought we could do with a bit of light relief. I've just received the following music-related jokes from Marty Groody, a Florida based flute player that I hope you'll all enjoy. I'm sure he won't mind me sharing these gems with all Yellow Board members.
Subject: New and old musician jokes
A bunch of new material and some old "classics"....AND if we've missed "offending" any musician in this list, we apologize...we pride ourselves on being an equal-opportunity-ego- deflator!!!! Feel free to interchange different musical instruments or assignments as you feel appropriate and remember above all....laugh WITH our/yourselves...helps keep us all honest when the "art" can sooooooo easily feed the ego with no real foundation for doing so!
Enjoy!!!!!!!!
---------------------------------------------
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo.
Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a bagpipe
Q: What do clarinetists use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Saliva.
Q: What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.
Q: What's the difference between a folk guitar player and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
A: About three decibels.
Q: What is another term for trombone?
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.
Q: What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
A: A bad oboist can kill you.
Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicapped zones when they forget their special tags.
Q: What's the difference between an opera singer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why do people play trombone?
A: Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.
Q: How does a violist's brain cell die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.
Q: How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
A: Put it in a viola case.
Q: What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: You can tune a chainsaw.
Q: What will you never say about a banjo player?
A: "That's the banjo player's Porsche."
Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Q: Why are harps like elderly parents?
A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.
Q: How many trumpet players does it take to pave a driveway?
A: Seven - if sliced thin and you lay them out correctly.
Q: What's the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?
A: You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon.
Q: How are a banjo player and a blind javelin thrower alike?
A: Both command immediate attention, alarm, and force everyone to
move out of range.
Q: What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a baby elephant?
A: Eleven pounds.
Q: Why are violist's fingers like lightning?
A: They rarely strike the same spot twice.
Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 13 - one to do it, and twelve to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
Tuba Player: "Did you hear my last recital?"
Friend: "I hope so."
Q: What's the difference between alto clef and Greek?
A: Some conductors actually read Greek.
Relative minor: A guitarist's girlfriend.
Q: How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus?
A: On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.
Subito piano: Indicates an opportunity for some obscure and unwitting orchestra player to become a soloist.
Musica ficta: When you lose your place and have to bluff until you find it again.
Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.
Did you hear about the Tenor who was so arrogant the other Tenors noticed?
Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
A: They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
Q: How do you get two bass players to play in unison?
A: Hand them charts a half-step apart.
Q: What's the difference between a dead chicken in the road, and a dead trombonist in the road?
A: There's a remote chance the chicken was on its way to a gig.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A vocalist.
Q: How do you get a guitarist to play softer?
A: Place a sheet of music in front of him.
Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding drummer running around in your back yard?
A: Stop laughing and shoot again.
Q: How many 2nd violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they can't get up that high !!!!!!
Soprano Sofege: do, re, mi, me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Not You, ME!!
Q: What's the perfect weight of a conductor?
A: Three and one-half pounds, including the urn.
Q: What do all great conductors have in common?
A: They're all dead.
Q: What's the definition of optimism?
A: A bass trombonist with a DOUBLE trigger attachment AND a beeper.
Q: What do you do if you run over a bass player?
A: Back up and make SURE.
Q: How do you reduce wind-drag on a trombonist's car?
A: Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof
Q: How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree?
A: Yell "don't do it!" and hurry to cut the rope.
Q: What do you throw a drowning bass player?
A: His amp.
Q: How do you get a three piece horn section to play in tune?
A: Shoot two of them.
Q: What's the difference between a bull and a band? OR a conductor and an orchestra?
A: The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.
Q: How many vocalists does it take to screw in a bulb?
A: None. They hold the bulb over their head and pretend the world revolves around them.
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a bulb?
A: None, they have machines for that now.
Q: How can you tell if the stage is level?
A: The drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth.
Q: How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: What do you call a musician with a college degree?
A: Night manager at McDonalds.
Q: Why are violas larger than violins?
A: They aren't. Violists heads are smaller.
Q: How are trumpet players like pirates?
A: They're both commit murder on the high Cs.
All those jokes and not a single mention of a bodhrán or piano accordion - there's hope for all of us. My favourites would be the one about the trombone player with the attractive girl on his arm or the homeless guitar player.
"Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch."
Too true - not just a joke. Same can be said of some classical violinists.
How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes half an hour because he has to keep twisting it around until it's *just* right.
A man walks into a pub in Derry with a box under his arm. The barman asks him 'what's in the box?' 'Just a bit of semtex'. 'Thank feck for that,' said the barman 'I thought it was a bodhrán.'
A man in a pawn shoppe sees a violin in the front case, he askes the Shop owner what the diference between an violin and a fiddle is. The owner replies, "If you are selling it to me, it is a fiddle. If I am selling it to you, it is a violin."
Then there was the one about the tramp who, because of his exceptional musical ability, was booked as the resident pianist in a London West End Hotel. A considerate customer noticed a problem with his attire and asked him discretely if he knew there was a hole in the a***e of his pants. The tramp replied that he hadn't heard it before but if the customer were to hum a bit of it he might pick up the tune.
This is supposed to have really happened on a flight to Germany back in the late sixties where the plane was carrying a number of Irish groups together. I'm not too sure of the personalities but I think it was Luke Kelly who was a bit nervous both for himself and the future of Irish folk should the plane crash. Barney McKenna tried to reassure him by saying don't worry Luke as you'll be OK until your time is up. Luke's reply was instant "but what if the pilot's time is up?"
With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the M7 motorway to breed a piano accordion player?
Next time when the session's over and you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, ask for a ride home with them.
Then there was the occasion when a short-sighted drummer went into a music shop because he was fed up with all the jokes about drummers so he decided to get himself a couple of "real" instruments. He has a good look round then goes to the assistant to make his purchases and says:
"I'd like to buy that red trumpet you have hanging on the wall there, and the nice white accordion by the window"
"I'm sorry sir" replies the assistant, "you can buy the fire extinguisher if you really insist, but there is no way you are taking the radiator"
' The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.'
don't get me wrong,i don't usually do the old fairytale quotations but there are times when nothing less than the wisest fool in christendom version will do.
Man comes home from session and tells his wife the sad news about the death of the bodhrán player. She asks "did he have any last words?" to which he replied "yes, put down that gun"
How can you tell if an accordion has perfect pitch?
When you can throw it into a skip without touching the sides.
Do you hear about the driver who parked his car in a rough area of Dublin and left his accordion on the back seat?
When he returned to the car he found that the rear window had been smashed and somebody had put another accordion on the seat.
Bodhrán player arrives at the Pearly Gates and asks St Peter where is all this great fiddle music coming from. Peter replies, "that's God practising - he think's he's Frankie Gavin".
On requesting to come in St Peter says I'm very sorry you can't as we've already got one bodhrán player here already!
Don't read this if you're easily offended, or a banjo player ....
You've been warned!
A boy is walking down the street and he sees a banjo lying on the pavement. The boy picks it up, places the strap over his shoulder, and continues walking down the street while plinking tunelessly at the strings.
A dirty old man in a car pulls up beside the boy and asks him if he wants a ride. The boy shrugs and gets in the car.
They ride in silence for awhile until the man finally turns to the boy with a foul leer and asks "Tell me, do you know what fellatio is?"
"Nope!" says the little boy and continues to plunk the banjo.
After a few more minutes of silence, the man drools "Well...do you know what sodomy is?"
"Nope!" says the boy, and continues to make a horrendous twanging sound.
After a little while longer, the man asks "Tell me, do you know what..." at which point the boy stops plucking the banjo and turns to the man driving the car.
"Look Sir, I've got to be honest with you. I'm not actually a banjo player.".
an old one, a mate sent me a few months ago.Trying to tell me something maybe.
A whistler was sick of his mates abusing him, so he decided to change instruments. He walked into a music shop planning to buy the first instruments he saw. "Give me the red saxophone and that accordion!", he said. The assistant said, "You play the whistle, don't you?" "That's right. Why?" "Well, the fire extinguisher I can sell you - but the radiator stays.
just a quick scan of thread,so apologies if already posted.
J.D
Music-Related Jokes
Music-Related Jokes
With all these recent serious politically related posts, I thought we could do with a bit of light relief. I've just received the following music-related jokes from Marty Groody, a Florida based flute player that I hope you'll all enjoy. I'm sure he won't mind me sharing these gems with all Yellow Board members.
Subject: New and old musician jokes
A bunch of new material and some old "classics"....AND if we've missed "offending" any musician in this list, we apologize...we pride ourselves on being an equal-opportunity-ego- deflator!!!! Feel free to interchange different musical instruments or assignments as you feel appropriate and remember above all....laugh WITH our/yourselves...helps keep us all honest when the "art" can sooooooo easily feed the ego with no real foundation for doing so!
Enjoy!!!!!!!!
---------------------------------------------
A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a musician." She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."
Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo.
Q: What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A: Nobody cries when you chop up a bagpipe
Q: What do clarinetists use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?
A: Saliva.
Q: What do you call a guitar player without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.
Q: What's the similarity between a drummer and a philosopher?
A: They both perceive time as an abstract concept.
Q: What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.
Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?
A: It saves time in the long run.
Q: What's the difference between a folk guitar player and a large pizza?
A: A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: What's the difference between a jet airplane and a trumpet?
A: About three decibels.
Q: What is another term for trombone?
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.
Q: What's the difference between a SCUD missile and a bad oboist?
A: A bad oboist can kill you.
Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handicapped zones when they forget their special tags.
Q: What's the difference between an opera singer and a pit bull?
A: Lipstick.
Q: Why do people play trombone?
A: Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.
Q: How does a violist's brain cell die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A: A music critic.
Q: How do you keep your violin from being stolen?
A: Put it in a viola case.
Q: What's the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: You can tune a chainsaw.
Q: What will you never say about a banjo player?
A: "That's the banjo player's Porsche."
Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
Q: Why are harps like elderly parents?
A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out of cars.
Q: How many trumpet players does it take to pave a driveway?
A: Seven - if sliced thin and you lay them out correctly.
Q: What's the difference between an oboe and a bassoon?
A: You can hit a baseball further with a bassoon.
Q: How are a banjo player and a blind javelin thrower alike?
A: Both command immediate attention, alarm, and force everyone to
move out of range.
Q: What's the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and a baby elephant?
A: Eleven pounds.
Q: Why are violist's fingers like lightning?
A: They rarely strike the same spot twice.
Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 13 - one to do it, and twelve to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"
Tuba Player: "Did you hear my last recital?"
Friend: "I hope so."
Q: What's the difference between alto clef and Greek?
A: Some conductors actually read Greek.
Relative minor: A guitarist's girlfriend.
Q: How does a young man become a member of a high school chorus?
A: On the first day of school he turns into the wrong classroom.
Subito piano: Indicates an opportunity for some obscure and unwitting orchestra player to become a soloist.
Musica ficta: When you lose your place and have to bluff until you find it again.
Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.
Did you hear about the Tenor who was so arrogant the other Tenors noticed?
Q: How can you tell when a singer is at your door?
A: They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
Q: How do you get two bass players to play in unison?
A: Hand them charts a half-step apart.
Q: What's the difference between a dead chicken in the road, and a dead trombonist in the road?
A: There's a remote chance the chicken was on its way to a gig.
Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A vocalist.
Q: How do you get a guitarist to play softer?
A: Place a sheet of music in front of him.
Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding drummer running around in your back yard?
A: Stop laughing and shoot again.
Q: How many 2nd violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, they can't get up that high !!!!!!
Soprano Sofege: do, re, mi, me, Me, Me, Me, Me, Not You, ME!!
Q: What's the perfect weight of a conductor?
A: Three and one-half pounds, including the urn.
Q: What do all great conductors have in common?
A: They're all dead.
Q: What's the definition of optimism?
A: A bass trombonist with a DOUBLE trigger attachment AND a beeper.
Q: What do you do if you run over a bass player?
A: Back up and make SURE.
Q: How do you reduce wind-drag on a trombonist's car?
A: Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof
Q: How do you get a clarinetist out of a tree?
A: Yell "don't do it!" and hurry to cut the rope.
Q: What do you throw a drowning bass player?
A: His amp.
Q: How do you get a three piece horn section to play in tune?
A: Shoot two of them.
Q: What's the difference between a bull and a band? OR a conductor and an orchestra?
A: The bull has the horns in the front and the asshole in the back.
Q: How many vocalists does it take to screw in a bulb?
A: None. They hold the bulb over their head and pretend the world revolves around them.
Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a bulb?
A: None, they have machines for that now.
Q: How can you tell if the stage is level?
A: The drool comes out of both sides of the drummers mouth.
Q: How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: What do you call a musician with a college degree?
A: Night manager at McDonalds.
Q: Why are violas larger than violins?
A: They aren't. Violists heads are smaller.
Q: How are trumpet players like pirates?
A: They're both commit murder on the high Cs.
# Posted on May 31st 2007 by Bannerman
Re: Music-Related Jokes
I like the pirate one.
# Posted on May 31st 2007 by Bodhi
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Q. What's the first thing a soprano does in the morning?
A. Puts on her clothes and goes home.
# Posted on May 31st 2007 by Greg the Piano Tuner
Re: Music-Related Jokes
All those jokes and not a single mention of a bodhrán or piano accordion - there's hope for all of us. My favourites would be the one about the trombone player with the attractive girl on his arm or the homeless guitar player.
# Posted on May 31st 2007 by Bannerman
Re: slide rules
does yr friend have something against trombones?
they seem to feature a lot in yr friend's list.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by biggus dave
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Why does the fiddle player never have any problems with diarhoea or piles?
God made him a perfect arsehole.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Key Maniac Lad
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Nicely done! I can't believe how many of these I've never heard. I think my fingers are like lightning on my fiddle... unfortunately.
Thanks!
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by nofrets
Re: relativity
'Nicely done! I can't believe how many of these I've never heard.'
lol,you don't get out much then,nofrets?
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by biggus dave
Re: Music-Related Jokes
"Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch."
Too true - not just a joke. Same can be said of some classical violinists.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by lazyhound
Re: Music-Related Jokes
http://www.thesession.org/tunes/display/7291
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by The Merry Highlander
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Thanks Bannerman !!!! and your friend, Marty Groody
You made my night dudes. Printing it right now
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by hauke
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Thanks Bannerman !!!! and your friend, Marty Groody
You made my night dudes. Printing it right now to take
to the club.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by hauke
Re: Music-Related Jokes
SORRY--didn't want to say that twice.
I dunno ????
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by hauke
Re: Music-Related Jokes
http://www.thesession.org/tunes/display/7291
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by ceolachan
Nah, it wasn't any funnier the second time round, or was it?
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by ceolachan
Re: Music-Related Jokes
How many flute players does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes half an hour because he has to keep twisting it around until it's *just* right.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Lingpupa
Re: Music-Related Jokes
What do you call people that hang around musicians?
Drummers.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by jeandegingins
Re: Music-Related Jokes
How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
50: 1 to change the bulb and 49 to sing about how great the old one was.
What's the best make of viola mute?
Smith and Wesson.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by benhall.1
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Why are Viola players no good at sex ?
Because they only know first position
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by bazouki dave and the real tooty flutey
Re: Music-Related Jokes
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
It doesn't matter, but the light bulb is got to be prepared to change.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Key Maniac Lad
Re: Music-Related Jokes
1) Definition of a frustrated musician - a rock guitarist whose mischievous friend has de-tuned one of his guitar strings
2) Definition of an utterly frustrated musician - a rock guitarist whose mischievous friend won't say which string he de-tuned!
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Bannerman
Re: broken record
we'll let you know but don't give up the day jobs...
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by biggus dave
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Q: How many bass players to change a lightbulb?
A: None -- The keyboard player does it with his left hand.
Cheers.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Rook
Re: Music-Related Jokes
A couple of favorites:
Q: Why is a banjo like an artillery shell?
A: Because by the time you hear them, it's too late.
Q: What is the statement a banjo player is most likely to hear when he is wearing a suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by AlBrown
Re: Music-Related Jokes
A man walks into a pub in Derry with a box under his arm. The barman asks him 'what's in the box?' 'Just a bit of semtex'. 'Thank feck for that,' said the barman 'I thought it was a bodhrán.'
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Sinocal
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Q: What's the difference between a bodhran player and a radox bath?
A: Well, one bucks up the feet...........
Q: What's the difference between a viola player and a dressmaker?
A: Well, one tucks up the frills............
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by woops
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Q: What's the difference between a viola and a fiddle?
A: The viola burns for longer
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Bannerman
Re: Music-Related Jokes
this is an old one, but still my favorite;
A man in a pawn shoppe sees a violin in the front case, he askes the Shop owner what the diference between an violin and a fiddle is. The owner replies, "If you are selling it to me, it is a fiddle. If I am selling it to you, it is a violin."
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Eleiel
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Then there was the one about the tramp who, because of his exceptional musical ability, was booked as the resident pianist in a London West End Hotel. A considerate customer noticed a problem with his attire and asked him discretely if he knew there was a hole in the a***e of his pants. The tramp replied that he hadn't heard it before but if the customer were to hum a bit of it he might pick up the tune.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Bannerman
Re: Music-Related Jokes
How do you know that's the banjo player at the door?
Cos' he's comin' in late and he's got the wrong key
©Gid Tanner & the Skillet Lickers 1930
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Bren
Re: Music-Related Jokes
How do you know that it’s the Comhaltas band at the door ?.
Well they knock twice and all come in at once
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by bazouki dave and the real tooty flutey
Re: Music-Related Jokes
How do you know it's a bodhrán player at the door?
Now matter how many times he knocks he'll stay outside as he never knows when to come in.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Bannerman
Re: Music-Related Jokes
This is supposed to have really happened on a flight to Germany back in the late sixties where the plane was carrying a number of Irish groups together. I'm not too sure of the personalities but I think it was Luke Kelly who was a bit nervous both for himself and the future of Irish folk should the plane crash. Barney McKenna tried to reassure him by saying don't worry Luke as you'll be OK until your time is up. Luke's reply was instant "but what if the pilot's time is up?"
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Bannerman
Re: Music-Related Jokes
(Did we do this one yet?)
What is the difference between a bodhran player and a terrorist?
Terrorists have sympathisers.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Vibrato and vocalists??? Must be talking about The Star Spangled Banner sung by pop idols at ballparks.
Terry
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by twildman
Re: Music-Related Jokes
There was one kinda like this already posted but...
Q. How do you get two piccolo players to play in unison?
A. Shoot one.
(the same goes for the whistle)
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by dannym
Re: Music-Related Jokes
With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the M7 motorway to breed a piano accordion player?
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by Bannerman
Re: Music-Related Jokes
As long as it takes to mate a wildebeest with a walrus, whatever the local infrastructure.
# Posted on June 1st 2007 by nicholas
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Next time when the session's over and you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, ask for a ride home with them.
# Posted on June 2nd 2007 by Bannerman
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Then there was the occasion when a short-sighted drummer went into a music shop because he was fed up with all the jokes about drummers so he decided to get himself a couple of "real" instruments. He has a good look round then goes to the assistant to make his purchases and says:
"I'd like to buy that red trumpet you have hanging on the wall there, and the nice white accordion by the window"
"I'm sorry sir" replies the assistant, "you can buy the fire extinguisher if you really insist, but there is no way you are taking the radiator"
# Posted on June 2nd 2007 by Theo Gibb
Re: that would be an ecumenical matter...
' The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun.'
don't get me wrong,i don't usually do the old fairytale quotations but there are times when nothing less than the wisest fool in christendom version will do.
i find...
# Posted on June 2nd 2007 by biggus dave
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Man comes home from session and tells his wife the sad news about the death of the bodhrán player. She asks "did he have any last words?" to which he replied "yes, put down that gun"
# Posted on June 2nd 2007 by Bannerman
Re: Music-Related Jokes
How can you tell if an accordion has perfect pitch?
When you can throw it into a skip without touching the sides.
Do you hear about the driver who parked his car in a rough area of Dublin and left his accordion on the back seat?
When he returned to the car he found that the rear window had been smashed and somebody had put another accordion on the seat.
# Posted on June 3rd 2007 by Free Reed
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Bodhrán player arrives at the Pearly Gates and asks St Peter where is all this great fiddle music coming from. Peter replies, "that's God practising - he think's he's Frankie Gavin".
On requesting to come in St Peter says I'm very sorry you can't as we've already got one bodhrán player here already!
# Posted on June 3rd 2007 by Bannerman
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Last one should have read "I'm very sorry you can't as we've got one bodhrán player here already - you know the rule!"
In case anyone gets offended I have nothing against bodhrán players and just to prove it, here's my final offering:
Q. Why are bodhrán jokes so stupid?
A. In order that piano acordion players can understand them!
# Posted on June 4th 2007 by Bannerman
Don't read this if you're easily offended, or a banjo player ....
You've been warned!
A boy is walking down the street and he sees a banjo lying on the pavement. The boy picks it up, places the strap over his shoulder, and continues walking down the street while plinking tunelessly at the strings.
A dirty old man in a car pulls up beside the boy and asks him if he wants a ride. The boy shrugs and gets in the car.
They ride in silence for awhile until the man finally turns to the boy with a foul leer and asks "Tell me, do you know what fellatio is?"
"Nope!" says the little boy and continues to plunk the banjo.
After a few more minutes of silence, the man drools "Well...do you know what sodomy is?"
"Nope!" says the boy, and continues to make a horrendous twanging sound.
After a little while longer, the man asks "Tell me, do you know what..." at which point the boy stops plucking the banjo and turns to the man driving the car.
"Look Sir, I've got to be honest with you. I'm not actually a banjo player.".
# Posted on June 4th 2007 by Ottery
Re: Music-Related Jokes
What's the difference between a vioin and a fiddle?
Nobody minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.
What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
On a bull, the horns are at the front, and the a***hole's at the back.
What do you call 300 accordions at the bottom of the sea?
A good start.
What do you call 300 more?
Progress.
# Posted on February 14th 2008 by Purfling
Re: Music-Related Jokes
Q:How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
A:The dog knows when to stop scratching.
# Posted on June 3rd 2008 by Piping Crow
Re: Music-Related Jokes
an old one, a mate sent me a few months ago.Trying to tell me something maybe.
A whistler was sick of his mates abusing him, so he decided to change instruments. He walked into a music shop planning to buy the first instruments he saw. "Give me the red saxophone and that accordion!", he said. The assistant said, "You play the whistle, don't you?" "That's right. Why?" "Well, the fire extinguisher I can sell you - but the radiator stays.
just a quick scan of thread,so apologies if already posted.
J.D
# Posted on June 3rd 2008 by J.D