A group of people reserve a table at a pub to gather with some friends, and it turns out they are right in front of the band. They just want to talk and the band makes it difficult. What to do? Whine at the band, or ask the bar manager for a new table?
We were the band tonight, and two of the women at the table were loudly declaring that WE were too loud. When we took a break they loudly declared "yay, they are stopping!"
This kind of carry on happened throughout the beginning of the gig. The two were yelling "what I can't hear you" at the top of their lungs, among other things.
It left me feeling very angry, frustrated. What is normally a lovely gig was damaged by these idiots. Sure, I threw a few quips in their direction, but I just did not feel good about the entire situation.
Now clearly, it was a mismatch of expectations rudely dealt with. But how do others handle this sort of situation? How do you let it wash over you and have a good time regardless?
Please be aware that there are multiple bar managers...one who supports the music entirely, and one who is up for maximum profit and could not give a hoot about the music. The latter, of course, booked the table.
Remember when your doing a gig you're working for the bar/rest.Unfortunately, the customer is always right. Was this a one off situation? If not, maybe you should find a place whose clients are more appreciative, or play music these people want to hear. Maybe just turning your PA down would've done the trick.
You may have shot yourself in the foot by not talking with these people. Now the managers are going to have unhappy customers who'll bitch to the management & will no doubt blow it up larger than life. They pay you to keep people there & to make sure they have a good time.
If I were you Jodie I would turn the sound system up and ask one of them to get up and sing a song. Or alternatively you could ask your Martin to sort them out next time he`s over. I saw him in a bad mood once and he sure scared the crap out of me. Mind you the atrocious Bodhran player did deserve everything he got!
All kidding aside, these people sort of come with the territory, you get used to it and pick your places to enjoy the music, that way you dont expect too much and then you`re not disapointed.
On a saturday night I play in a tourist bar, some nights the audience are great, some times they`re terrible. We play for ourselves anyway, the fact that other people are there and we`re getting paid for it is co-incidental.
This sounds like neither a gig nor a session to me.
If it was a gig, then punters are paying (either directly or via the bar takings) to hear you, so anyone interupting that should be told to feck off.
If it was a session, then you are there to play for yourself and if you find anyone bugging you, go play somehere else.
But, correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds to me like you were booked into a place to provide background musak. In which case, keep it down, keep it bland and keep your money.
Or ask the bar manager what the hell you`re all doing there, he must have thought it a good idea to have trad in the first place otherwise he could have invested in a good set of background tapes.
We usually warn people who are at tables near the PA speakers that it will be loud, and that they might want to move down the hall / pub a little. Usually they do. For the ones that don't, we see their drinks jumping up and down on the table, and their dentures rattling in their mouths, but at least we can say 'you were warned'. Either that, or we do outrageous (musical) requests to keep the peace. Some of you will be aware of the silly things I sometimes play
Another trick when they complain, is to visibly turn the offending pod speaker in the other direction, then gradually and discreetly move it back to where it was. After a few more beers they never notice anyway. If there's any audience reading this I'll probably get a kickin' at the next gig.
When all's said and done, the punters pay money, the boss pays us, so it's in everyone's interest to keep them happy.
The essential problem here is the multiplicity of customers. When a bar full of people *all* asked me to just wait for the commercial break so they could watch The Exorcist on the telly and then they'd give me their full attention I was perfectly happy to oblige, but if it's just a few people being irritated and the other 75 are stomping their feet and yelling, "More! More!" . . .
Which customer is right?
Then there's the issue of the Golden Rule.
No, not that Golden Rule, the one that says "He who has the gold makes the rules." If it's a paid gig you're pretty much obligated to go with what managment says, no matter what the customers say; and in the above case I was told I was being paid, and I was going to play, even if it drove every customer out of the place (I declined to ever play there again, handing my spots over to Chris Shaw. I've never asked him if he hates for that).
Sometimes it just isn't possible to "win," because you just can't please everybody.
Sorry to hear about this situation Jode. It sounds like a pub management problem in not seating a group like this somewhere other than right in front of the band. Do you have friends that will express their support to the pub owners to counterbalance this group's criticism? Its important that the pub owners get a balanced picture, including the support for the music. Best Wishes.
From your description of the events I'd say your evening falls somewhere in the center of the spectrum of possibilities, though certainly towards the less enjoyable side. I mean they didn't throw things at you, didn't actually pull the plug on the PA, and didn't physically threaten you during breaks or after the gig (all of which some of us have experienced). I've always said that the working class musician (non-celebrity) doesn't get paid for playing music, rather we're paid for moving equipment and putting up with clueless audiences.
Keep a stiff upper lip, it still beats flipping burgers, if only because the pay is better. If the pay is not better, find a different gig, fast.
Next time this happens you may like to try something I saw at an AC/DC gig in 1974, when they were still playing pubs. Some people sitting at a table near the stage were being rather indifferent and attempting to carry on talking above the noise (and they were playing LOUD), whereupon guitarist Angus Young (who was only 15 or 16 at the time) jumped from the stage onto the table upsetting their jug of beer into the act.
Bren, the story about jumping onto the table is inspiring. However, if I jumped onto a table, I would squash a table flat and I would be looking up at an angry group of hecklers now with no beer. If they had a jug of good stout or ale, I also wouldn't be able to bear the thought of wasting it.
Maybe plan B could be bring along a couple of big fellas to back you up, you take their jug and threaten their lives.
I think if this were to happen at one of my gigs, I would have walked over to the table and had a little polite conversation with these folks, opening with something like:
"You're welcome to request another table if this one doesn't suit you... Or did you just come here to complain about our music?"
If they stay, and continue to heckle, you could just crank up the volume, and see how long a set of tunes you can string together... After all, you DID try to resolve it politely...
In the end, you guys were "the band" and the bar put you where you were--you likely couldn't move as easily as they could. They were clearly miserable people (either just that night, or in general). Why should you have to tolerate it quietly?
1. you should be more wittier than them.
2. make them the center of attraction
3. hit them with your banjo
4. sling the slobber out of your flute on them
5. donnybrook
Always approach the bar owner, he either wants music or he doesn't, and he/she should sort it out. (says the man who once pulled the wires out of a poker machine some bollox wouldn't stop playing, and he had about £100 credit in it)
They will usually see sense if the management talk to them.
I had a session hosting gig once where there was some kind of hassle like that nearly every week. Mostly because of the rugby team that had made that pub their local. One day they decided to have a meeting right beside the session and told the manager to tell us to be quiet until they were finished.
Whenever that would happen when we had an amplified gig in a pub, I would go to the table and suggest they move to a table further away if they want to hear themselves better. If they debated me on any aspect, I would nod and go the management and explain that we have a situation. Usually, if the management is competent, they will re-seat the people at another table further away. If the management is incompetent -- that's the end of our gig.
Then we sit at the bar for a while and see what unfolds. Many times customers will come and ask us what happened... I explain. The customer is then observed approaching the bar staff and inquiring about the situation and asking for something to be done. This sometimes prompts the management into action, and they move the offenders.
Other times we will be directed by the management on hand to talk on the phone to someone that has more authority. The result of this conversation expedites the resolution of the situation in one of two ways. 1) The people that were causing the trouble are moved or asked to leave, or 2) we start packing things up.
For a while we had this tit who made it his policy to sit in session territory and read his wee books (I caught a glimpse of one of the titles he read...Jack Kerouac's On the Road...*not* one of my faves...when I was a great deal younger I got through half of it till I git so annoyed with this middle-class motor bike freeloader pontificating this and that...purely my impression..).anyone who takes up 2 seats, cos he slouched on one and had his feet on another, reading that pish, deserved to get the outpourings I finally dealt him.
Nah, as I say he was taking up 2 seats, right in session territory and obviously felt it was his right to be there.
But the Kerouac thing just confirmed what I had thought about him.
Ah, the fabled Herschell! I've yet to get my butt down to that one - Monday is a bad night for me. But you've just made it sound even more appealling, Brian.
Doc Watson once put a heckler in his place by saying, "Yeah, i remember my first beer too, Buddy."
Roy Bookbinder responded to a loud couple in the audience by saying something like, "Be Careful! I've got a razor in my shoe."
Then he reached down to his shoe and pulled out a Gilette Techmatic, saying, "It's got new blades, too!"
Danny! Tom King at the Herschel is VERY straightforward. If anyone says anything whilst a slow tune or song is going on then a very pointed "Shut the f*ck up" will result ...in a sensitive caring sort of way of course
He's been trying to get McGoldrick down for a while so that should be a bit special when he does come. John Carty turns up too sometimes. Free drinks and food. Doesn't get much better and everyone gets a look in.
OK, sorry for being a whiner! I was drunk and moody at the time of posting, because it was a really nice gig and that was just the sore point. I should not have been posting at the time!!!And you are right, I am not very confrontational.
We played again Saturday night and had a brilliant night. Still the problem with "reserved" tables. All the kind people that came out to see us play had to sit in a section they don't normally sit in. And a few had to sit way in the back. Which gave the odd occurence of finishing a tune and hearing the applause from way back in the pub from people you could not see. And then there was the table directly in front of the stage that was reserved and sat vacant until the last half hour of the gig.
Ach well, thanks for the advice anyway. I pledge to be less passive aggressive next time! A difficult thing to do in MN.
Jode, we would reserve tables around the stage for friends and fans at some of the places we play. Why can't you get the staff to reserve tables for people who you know will show up close by. Besides being better for your friends, it feels cozier for playing to them. Your friend's and fan's response to the music can also be infectious and enhance the good vibes in the room.
Geoff's post reminded me of last year's session in the bar of the Finlen Hotel in Butte. The lads who play for the Trinity Dancers were hoping to session in there, but the punters were less than cooperative. Two young ladies in fuzz-covered viking helmets (complete with polyester horns) had earlier shouted some of us out of the bar, saying, "We don't want none of your crap music in here, leave us alone." So the bodhran player promises to be the session a**h*le and leads us back in there, and while we're unpacking our instruments he stands on a table and shouts at the whole bar, "We're from Chicago, and we've got players from around here and all the way in from Ireland, so we're gonna have a bit of a hoolie if you'll all please shut the f*ck up! Thank you and enjoy yourselves."
If all else fails, revert back to the golden rule "Gold = Pull"
If you have a table of people in there shilling out a fair amount of money, these are people who are fairly important to the bar, as long as they're not acting like complete gobsh*tes. In the case of gobsh*tes, call the bouncer and let him have his way with them. If they're not being rude but are obviously more interested in conversation than the session, have a huddle with everyone in your group and decide if it'd be worth splitting a round of drinks for the people at this table in exchange for them swapping tables (even if you have to make the excuse that this is your lucky table and it's worth a round of drinks to have it, relatives in from out of town, etc etc).
If it's 3 people sitting around sipping tea and tipping poorly, they are not really that important to the establishment there and a little strategy tactfully employed can rid you of your pests. For example, have a friend buy something really messy like stew or curry chips, walk by with it, and spill it on the TABLE (not on them!!!). He apologizes profusely, and they'll likely leave or go to another table while it gets (slowly) cleaned. Or if the place is full and they have a spare seat, have a friend sit down with them and start doing something obnoxious but non-punishable (smoking, fingercracking, let out a good ...... well you get the idea), and hasten their departure. They're also likely to limit their topics of conversation to public-friendly, and possibly to a lower volume so your friend doesn't overhear. Plus your friend can say "Shhh! I love this tune!!!"
All else fails, "'Scuse me, but we're up here doing a job and it's kind of rude to interrupt. You don't see the lot of us coming into the men's room and kicking the kn*bs outta your mouths!"
Hecklers
Hecklers
A group of people reserve a table at a pub to gather with some friends, and it turns out they are right in front of the band. They just want to talk and the band makes it difficult. What to do? Whine at the band, or ask the bar manager for a new table?
We were the band tonight, and two of the women at the table were loudly declaring that WE were too loud. When we took a break they loudly declared "yay, they are stopping!"
This kind of carry on happened throughout the beginning of the gig. The two were yelling "what I can't hear you" at the top of their lungs, among other things.
It left me feeling very angry, frustrated. What is normally a lovely gig was damaged by these idiots. Sure, I threw a few quips in their direction, but I just did not feel good about the entire situation.
Now clearly, it was a mismatch of expectations rudely dealt with. But how do others handle this sort of situation? How do you let it wash over you and have a good time regardless?
Please be aware that there are multiple bar managers...one who supports the music entirely, and one who is up for maximum profit and could not give a hoot about the music. The latter, of course, booked the table.
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by Jode
Re: Hecklers
" How do you let it wash over you and have a good time regardless?"
I know this is going to sound like circular reasoning, but the trick is to just let it wash over you and have a good time regardless.
KFG
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by KFG
Re: Hecklers
Remember when your doing a gig you're working for the bar/rest.Unfortunately, the customer is always right. Was this a one off situation? If not, maybe you should find a place whose clients are more appreciative, or play music these people want to hear. Maybe just turning your PA down would've done the trick.
You may have shot yourself in the foot by not talking with these people. Now the managers are going to have unhappy customers who'll bitch to the management & will no doubt blow it up larger than life. They pay you to keep people there & to make sure they have a good time.
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by Mad Baloney
Re: Hecklers
If I were you Jodie I would turn the sound system up and ask one of them to get up and sing a song. Or alternatively you could ask your Martin to sort them out next time he`s over. I saw him in a bad mood once and he sure scared the crap out of me. Mind you the atrocious Bodhran player did deserve everything he got!
All kidding aside, these people sort of come with the territory, you get used to it and pick your places to enjoy the music, that way you dont expect too much and then you`re not disapointed.
On a saturday night I play in a tourist bar, some nights the audience are great, some times they`re terrible. We play for ourselves anyway, the fact that other people are there and we`re getting paid for it is co-incidental.
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by wreckin` rea
Re: Hecklers
This sounds like neither a gig nor a session to me.
If it was a gig, then punters are paying (either directly or via the bar takings) to hear you, so anyone interupting that should be told to feck off.
If it was a session, then you are there to play for yourself and if you find anyone bugging you, go play somehere else.
But, correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds to me like you were booked into a place to provide background musak. In which case, keep it down, keep it bland and keep your money.
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by llig leahcim
Re: Hecklers
Or ask the bar manager what the hell you`re all doing there, he must have thought it a good idea to have trad in the first place otherwise he could have invested in a good set of background tapes.
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by wreckin` rea
Re: Hecklers
We usually warn people who are at tables near the PA speakers that it will be loud, and that they might want to move down the hall / pub a little. Usually they do. For the ones that don't, we see their drinks jumping up and down on the table, and their dentures rattling in their mouths, but at least we can say 'you were warned'. Either that, or we do outrageous (musical) requests to keep the peace. Some of you will be aware of the silly things I sometimes play
Another trick when they complain, is to visibly turn the offending pod speaker in the other direction, then gradually and discreetly move it back to where it was. After a few more beers they never notice anyway. If there's any audience reading this I'll probably get a kickin' at the next gig.
When all's said and done, the punters pay money, the boss pays us, so it's in everyone's interest to keep them happy.
Jim
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by Worldfiddler
Re: Hecklers
"Unfortunately, the customer is always right."
The essential problem here is the multiplicity of customers. When a bar full of people *all* asked me to just wait for the commercial break so they could watch The Exorcist on the telly and then they'd give me their full attention I was perfectly happy to oblige, but if it's just a few people being irritated and the other 75 are stomping their feet and yelling, "More! More!" . . .
Which customer is right?
Then there's the issue of the Golden Rule.
No, not that Golden Rule, the one that says "He who has the gold makes the rules." If it's a paid gig you're pretty much obligated to go with what managment says, no matter what the customers say; and in the above case I was told I was being paid, and I was going to play, even if it drove every customer out of the place (I declined to ever play there again, handing my spots over to Chris Shaw. I've never asked him if he hates for that).
Sometimes it just isn't possible to "win," because you just can't please everybody.
KFG
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by KFG
Re: Hecklers
Sorry to hear about this situation Jode. It sounds like a pub management problem in not seating a group like this somewhere other than right in front of the band. Do you have friends that will express their support to the pub owners to counterbalance this group's criticism? Its important that the pub owners get a balanced picture, including the support for the music. Best Wishes.
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by CeolCairdeas
Re: Hecklers
Band??. PA?? Clients??
Where am I???
From your description of the events I'd say your evening falls somewhere in the center of the spectrum of possibilities, though certainly towards the less enjoyable side. I mean they didn't throw things at you, didn't actually pull the plug on the PA, and didn't physically threaten you during breaks or after the gig (all of which some of us have experienced). I've always said that the working class musician (non-celebrity) doesn't get paid for playing music, rather we're paid for moving equipment and putting up with clueless audiences.
Keep a stiff upper lip, it still beats flipping burgers, if only because the pay is better. If the pay is not better, find a different gig, fast.
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by Tusong200
Re: Hecklers
As KFG says "let it wash over you". It's in the past now.
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by Ottery
Re: Hecklers
Next time this happens you may like to try something I saw at an AC/DC gig in 1974, when they were still playing pubs. Some people sitting at a table near the stage were being rather indifferent and attempting to carry on talking above the noise (and they were playing LOUD), whereupon guitarist Angus Young (who was only 15 or 16 at the time) jumped from the stage onto the table upsetting their jug of beer into the act.
That got everyone's attention all right.
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by Bren
Re: Hecklers
(Playing his guitar all the while of course)
# Posted on March 5th 2005 by Bren
Re: Hecklers
Bren, the story about jumping onto the table is inspiring. However, if I jumped onto a table, I would squash a table flat and I would be looking up at an angry group of hecklers now with no beer. If they had a jug of good stout or ale, I also wouldn't be able to bear the thought of wasting it.
Maybe plan B could be bring along a couple of big fellas to back you up, you take their jug and threaten their lives.
# Posted on March 6th 2005 by CeolCairdeas
Re: Hecklers
Maybe get Angus Young to join you for a night or two. Just don't let him do that striptease thing of his. It's not authentically celtic.
# Posted on March 6th 2005 by grego
Re: Hecklers
You're too non-confrontational, Jode...
After all, you DID try to resolve it politely...
I think if this were to happen at one of my gigs, I would have walked over to the table and had a little polite conversation with these folks, opening with something like:
"You're welcome to request another table if this one doesn't suit you... Or did you just come here to complain about our music?"
If they stay, and continue to heckle, you could just crank up the volume, and see how long a set of tunes you can string together...
In the end, you guys were "the band" and the bar put you where you were--you likely couldn't move as easily as they could. They were clearly miserable people (either just that night, or in general). Why should you have to tolerate it quietly?
# Posted on March 6th 2005 by Georgi
Re: Hecklers
1. you should be more wittier than them.
2. make them the center of attraction
3. hit them with your banjo
4. sling the slobber out of your flute on them
5. donnybrook
# Posted on March 6th 2005 by clawhammerbanjo
Re: Hecklers
Always approach the bar owner, he either wants music or he doesn't, and he/she should sort it out. (says the man who once pulled the wires out of a poker machine some bollox wouldn't stop playing, and he had about £100 credit in it)
They will usually see sense if the management talk to them.
# Posted on March 6th 2005 by bodhran bliss
Re: Hecklers
I had a session hosting gig once where there was some kind of hassle like that nearly every week. Mostly because of the rugby team that had made that pub their local. One day they decided to have a meeting right beside the session and told the manager to tell us to be quiet until they were finished.
How did I deal with it? I stopped playing there.
# Posted on March 6th 2005 by Kerri Brown
Re: Hecklers
Whenever that would happen when we had an amplified gig in a pub, I would go to the table and suggest they move to a table further away if they want to hear themselves better. If they debated me on any aspect, I would nod and go the management and explain that we have a situation. Usually, if the management is competent, they will re-seat the people at another table further away. If the management is incompetent -- that's the end of our gig.
Then we sit at the bar for a while and see what unfolds. Many times customers will come and ask us what happened... I explain. The customer is then observed approaching the bar staff and inquiring about the situation and asking for something to be done. This sometimes prompts the management into action, and they move the offenders.
Other times we will be directed by the management on hand to talk on the phone to someone that has more authority. The result of this conversation expedites the resolution of the situation in one of two ways. 1) The people that were causing the trouble are moved or asked to leave, or 2) we start packing things up.
Good luck.
# Posted on March 7th 2005 by Phantom Button
Re: Hecklers
For a while we had this tit who made it his policy to sit in session territory and read his wee books (I caught a glimpse of one of the titles he read...Jack Kerouac's On the Road...*not* one of my faves...when I was a great deal younger I got through half of it till I git so annoyed with this middle-class motor bike freeloader pontificating this and that...purely my impression..).anyone who takes up 2 seats, cos he slouched on one and had his feet on another, reading that pish, deserved to get the outpourings I finally dealt him.
# Posted on March 7th 2005 by Rudall the time
Re: Hecklers
So you would have let him stay if he was reading something you approved of?
# Posted on March 7th 2005 by Phantom Button
Re: Hecklers
Nah, as I say he was taking up 2 seats, right in session territory and obviously felt it was his right to be there.
But the Kerouac thing just confirmed what I had thought about him.
# Posted on March 7th 2005 by Rudall the time
Re: Hecklers
Ah, the fabled Herschell! I've yet to get my butt down to that one - Monday is a bad night for me. But you've just made it sound even more appealling, Brian.
# Posted on March 7th 2005 by Rudall the time
Re: Hecklers
Doc Watson once put a heckler in his place by saying, "Yeah, i remember my first beer too, Buddy."
Roy Bookbinder responded to a loud couple in the audience by saying something like, "Be Careful! I've got a razor in my shoe."
Then he reached down to his shoe and pulled out a Gilette Techmatic, saying, "It's got new blades, too!"
# Posted on March 7th 2005 by IC Keith
Re: Hecklers
Danny! Tom King at the Herschel is VERY straightforward. If anyone says anything whilst a slow tune or song is going on then a very pointed "Shut the f*ck up" will result ...in a sensitive caring sort of way of course
He's been trying to get McGoldrick down for a while so that should be a bit special when he does come. John Carty turns up too sometimes. Free drinks and food. Doesn't get much better and everyone gets a look in.
Mmmmmm! Herschel!
# Posted on March 7th 2005 by Geoff Pollitt
Re: Hecklers
maybe if you pulled a bodhran out of your back pocket they would all get up and leave. Or would that just be the other musicians?
# Posted on March 7th 2005 by bodhran bliss
Re: Hecklers
OK, sorry for being a whiner! I was drunk and moody at the time of posting, because it was a really nice gig and that was just the sore point. I should not have been posting at the time!!!And you are right, I am not very confrontational.
We played again Saturday night and had a brilliant night. Still the problem with "reserved" tables. All the kind people that came out to see us play had to sit in a section they don't normally sit in. And a few had to sit way in the back. Which gave the odd occurence of finishing a tune and hearing the applause from way back in the pub from people you could not see. And then there was the table directly in front of the stage that was reserved and sat vacant until the last half hour of the gig.
Ach well, thanks for the advice anyway. I pledge to be less passive aggressive next time! A difficult thing to do in MN.
# Posted on March 7th 2005 by Jode
Re: Hecklers
Jode, we would reserve tables around the stage for friends and fans at some of the places we play. Why can't you get the staff to reserve tables for people who you know will show up close by. Besides being better for your friends, it feels cozier for playing to them. Your friend's and fan's response to the music can also be infectious and enhance the good vibes in the room.
# Posted on March 7th 2005 by Phantom Button
Re: Hecklers
Great idea Jack, and oh so proactive!!
# Posted on March 7th 2005 by Jode
Re: Hecklers
Geoff's post reminded me of last year's session in the bar of the Finlen Hotel in Butte. The lads who play for the Trinity Dancers were hoping to session in there, but the punters were less than cooperative. Two young ladies in fuzz-covered viking helmets (complete with polyester horns) had earlier shouted some of us out of the bar, saying, "We don't want none of your crap music in here, leave us alone." So the bodhran player promises to be the session a**h*le and leads us back in there, and while we're unpacking our instruments he stands on a table and shouts at the whole bar, "We're from Chicago, and we've got players from around here and all the way in from Ireland, so we're gonna have a bit of a hoolie if you'll all please shut the f*ck up! Thank you and enjoy yourselves."
And it worked.
# Posted on March 7th 2005 by Will Harmon
Re: Hecklers
Hillarious!
# Posted on March 8th 2005 by Jode
Re: Hecklers
If all else fails, revert back to the golden rule "Gold = Pull"
If you have a table of people in there shilling out a fair amount of money, these are people who are fairly important to the bar, as long as they're not acting like complete gobsh*tes. In the case of gobsh*tes, call the bouncer and let him have his way with them. If they're not being rude but are obviously more interested in conversation than the session, have a huddle with everyone in your group and decide if it'd be worth splitting a round of drinks for the people at this table in exchange for them swapping tables (even if you have to make the excuse that this is your lucky table and it's worth a round of drinks to have it, relatives in from out of town, etc etc).
If it's 3 people sitting around sipping tea and tipping poorly, they are not really that important to the establishment there and a little strategy tactfully employed can rid you of your pests. For example, have a friend buy something really messy like stew or curry chips, walk by with it, and spill it on the TABLE (not on them!!!). He apologizes profusely, and they'll likely leave or go to another table while it gets (slowly) cleaned. Or if the place is full and they have a spare seat, have a friend sit down with them and start doing something obnoxious but non-punishable (smoking, fingercracking, let out a good ...... well you get the idea), and hasten their departure. They're also likely to limit their topics of conversation to public-friendly, and possibly to a lower volume so your friend doesn't overhear. Plus your friend can say "Shhh! I love this tune!!!"
All else fails, "'Scuse me, but we're up here doing a job and it's kind of rude to interrupt. You don't see the lot of us coming into the men's room and kicking the kn*bs outta your mouths!"
Good luck!
# Posted on September 13th 2005 by downtowndalebrown