Given the, ahem, musical uses that various otherwise inoffensive common objects have been put to, eg., spoons, ashtrays and coins, broom handles and milk bottle-tops, washboards etc, it occurred to me that the phenomenon could be reversed and extended to the kitchen.
I would like ye to be instrumental in my culinary project by kindly lending me your various instruments.
Conway, would you kindly hand me your pipes, please. Thank you. I will now demonstrate how to fill the bag with icing sugar mixture in order to decorate my Christmas cake. (Be especially careful to cover the back D well when piping the icing onto your cake)
Zina, your fiddle, if you please. I need to slice some hard-boiled eggs. Oh and your guitar, please, Jack Gilder for slicing the tomatoes. No? Stewpot, your mandolin will serve nicely.
Seeing as someone has nicked all my soup-spoons and left them down the pub, I need to borrow an F whistle from you, Rab C., for slurping up my soup.
Alison, your harp and bodhran, please for slicing my boiled spuds and carrying them to table.
A D whistle makes an excellent porage (porridge?) stirrer (better than a G which is on the small side and whose holes can easily block up) whilst a bodhran can be used quite effectively as a salad server on the finest of tables. And indeed should be left for that sole use
Which, Geoff, leaves us with a spare tipper. This can be used as a pestle ooorrrrrr for beating out rhythms on discourteous guests' heads in my kitchen
If we're going Italian, I find that a mandolin makes a great paddle for sliding a pizza out of the hot oven. Use the back of the mando, but no 'tater bugs, please. Only use a flat-backed instrument.
For some reason, this reminds me of a comment a banjo player made during the great hammered dulcimer scare of the 1980's. At a session with several of the beasts playing together he said, "I wish they'd play those things with real hammers."
can you hand me that metronome, please. Thank you. Now we just invert it over this bowl, set it going and there we go! Whipped cream in no time at all.
Michelle. ".....all the woodwind training from my salad days..." (i quote from your biography) Using woodwind instruments to toss your salad, I venture?
I found that by puncturing a deep rim bodhran with a bradawl at approximately 1cm intervals, a much reviled musical instrument was magically transformed into a perfectly useful colander, if you didn't mind a faint, lingering whiff of goat on your spaghetti.
The player, meanwhile, has the perfect wrist action to make him the ideal 'salad tosser'...
Any more of that, Ottery and it'll be round the kitchen and mind the dresser with me and my tipper in pursuit.
Davey K. folks, has lent me a roll for making bread from two discussions up.
Ah, I forgot all about the tipper -
Chop a shakey egg in half. Chuck away whatever it is inside that makes that irritating noise, and insert said tipper.
Hey presto, a perfectly functional pestle and mortar...
Pardon me, jack. Where on earth did I get that idea. Sit down and have a cup of tea anyway (nice tune, don't you think?) Stewpot, your mandolin is required. No, not for me, it's for Michelle's tomatoes. Sorry, tomAtoes.
Clip that whiney flute player round the ear and steal his bit of blackwood. It'll make a fine rolling pin. If it has keywork, a bit of precision work with a 4lb lump hammer will soon have them flush with the rest of the pin.
You're welcome to join us all here in the kitchen, Michelle. i know you're fond of salads. We're having Spaghetti alla mandolina too. Grab a chair. Here's a knife and tuning fork.
OOh look at the time. Gotta run guys. Do help yourselves. Please don't leave the kitchen in too much of a mess. if ye're having a session after dinner, clean your instruments first.
See you tomorrow. XX
I have a couple of old bows... it's amazing... world record holding Shish-ke-babs, they comes complete with a full set of dental floss for that stringy beef. Hoowaah!
If music is the food of love, you seem to have a mighty appetite right now Joe. And purleeze, clean up the kitchen after you, especially the icing bag. Hmph.
Spoonerisms II
Spoonerisms II
Given the, ahem, musical uses that various otherwise inoffensive common objects have been put to, eg., spoons, ashtrays and coins, broom handles and milk bottle-tops, washboards etc, it occurred to me that the phenomenon could be reversed and extended to the kitchen.
Joe
I would like ye to be instrumental in my culinary project by kindly lending me your various instruments.
Conway, would you kindly hand me your pipes, please. Thank you. I will now demonstrate how to fill the bag with icing sugar mixture in order to decorate my Christmas cake. (Be especially careful to cover the back D well when piping the icing onto your cake)
Zina, your fiddle, if you please. I need to slice some hard-boiled eggs. Oh and your guitar, please, Jack Gilder for slicing the tomatoes. No? Stewpot, your mandolin will serve nicely.
Seeing as someone has nicked all my soup-spoons and left them down the pub, I need to borrow an F whistle from you, Rab C., for slurping up my soup.
Alison, your harp and bodhran, please for slicing my boiled spuds and carrying them to table.
Anyone else care to join us in the kitchen?
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
LOL -- damn, Joe Quinn, I've missed you a lot. ;)
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Zina Lee
Re: Spoonerisms II
No more kitchen work please!!
But I did watch a pool match played with clarinets as cues during a session!
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Tarrantella
Re: Spoonerisms II
can someone hand me their change-purse, please? I need to tap my cigarette ash.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
A D whistle makes an excellent porage (porridge?) stirrer (better than a G which is on the small side and whose holes can easily block up) whilst a bodhran can be used quite effectively as a salad server on the finest of tables. And indeed should be left for that sole use
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Geoff Pollitt
Re: Spoonerisms II
Which, Geoff, leaves us with a spare tipper. This can be used as a pestle ooorrrrrr for beating out rhythms on discourteous guests' heads in my kitchen
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
If we're going Italian, I find that a mandolin makes a great paddle for sliding a pizza out of the hot oven. Use the back of the mando, but no 'tater bugs, please. Only use a flat-backed instrument.
For some reason, this reminds me of a comment a banjo player made during the great hammered dulcimer scare of the 1980's. At a session with several of the beasts playing together he said, "I wish they'd play those things with real hammers."
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by IC Keith
Re: Spoonerisms II
can you hand me that metronome, please. Thank you. Now we just invert it over this bowl, set it going and there we go! Whipped cream in no time at all.
(:
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
Joe, my bow is on the way. Makes a lovely brush to apply melted butter to make the crust of bread crispy.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Agnes Nutter
Re: Spoonerisms II
Take a bow, Debwah, take a bow.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
Ooh, flies!!! Hand me that banjo!
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Michele Sims
Re: Spoonerisms II
Michelle. ".....all the woodwind training from my salad days..." (i quote from your biography) Using woodwind instruments to toss your salad, I venture?
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
Nah, Joe. I use them as plant stakes these days....You should see my tomatoes.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Michele Sims
Re: Spoonerisms II
JAAAACK! Sorry to shout but now Michelle needs your guitar.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
I found that by puncturing a deep rim bodhran with a bradawl at approximately 1cm intervals, a much reviled musical instrument was magically transformed into a perfectly useful colander, if you didn't mind a faint, lingering whiff of goat on your spaghetti.
The player, meanwhile, has the perfect wrist action to make him the ideal 'salad tosser'...
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Ottery
Re: Spoonerisms II
Any more of that, Ottery and it'll be round the kitchen and mind the dresser with me and my tipper in pursuit.
Davey K. folks, has lent me a roll for making bread from two discussions up.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
If I break a fiddler's bow into 500 pieces and try to put it back together, would I be doing a jigsaw puzzle?
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Q
Re: Spoonerisms II
What! I don't have a guitar.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Phantom Button
Re: Spoonerisms II
Ah, I forgot all about the tipper -
Chop a shakey egg in half. Chuck away whatever it is inside that makes that irritating noise, and insert said tipper.
Hey presto, a perfectly functional pestle and mortar...
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Ottery
Re: Spoonerisms II
Pardon me, jack. Where on earth did I get that idea. Sit down and have a cup of tea anyway (nice tune, don't you think?) Stewpot, your mandolin is required. No, not for me, it's for Michelle's tomatoes. Sorry, tomAtoes.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
Clip that whiney flute player round the ear and steal his bit of blackwood. It'll make a fine rolling pin. If it has keywork, a bit of precision work with a 4lb lump hammer will soon have them flush with the rest of the pin.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Ottery
Re: Spoonerisms II
Ottery! shave the gooseberries! And then peel me a grape.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
Am I on the right website?
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Phantom Button
Re: Spoonerisms II
Actually this is the centre/left website. perhaps you'd prefer a pink gin?
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
This makes me want to start one those "what's for supper" threads...
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Michele Sims
Re: Spoonerisms II
I think that you haven't enough work to do, all of you. ;)
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Zina Lee
Re: Spoonerisms II
You're welcome to join us all here in the kitchen, Michelle. i know you're fond of salads. We're having Spaghetti alla mandolina too. Grab a chair. Here's a knife and tuning fork.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
Us?? Zina? We've been slicing, dicing, carrying and fetching all afternoon. Here, help us with the boiled eggs, will ye?
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
Ottery, would you mind taking two clean glasses up to Davey K's thread for Zina and Michelle? Thanks
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
Yeah, I've been slaving over a hot keyboard, er, bodhran/brazier all morning, and what thanks do I get? Pass that bottle, please.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Michele Sims
Re: Spoonerisms II
Put some cream in a concertina, play tunes for a half hour, and TA DA! Butter.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by rocking bow
Re: Spoonerisms II
Nancy's whiskey, anyone?
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
LOL -- butter! LOL
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Zina Lee
Re: Spoonerisms II
So... what's for dinner?
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Phantom Button
Re: Spoonerisms II
Thanks, Joe. [Takes shoes off, rubs feet}. I'm doing a veggie lasagna tonight, Jack. Can you bring some nice sourdough?
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Michele Sims
Re: Spoonerisms II
You'd be slurping up Primeaval Soup if you borrowed one of my whistles.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Rudall the time
Re: Spoonerisms II
Have another pink gin first, Jack.
Which would you say is best for cheese, Kate? A gourd? A button or piano accordian?
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
Prime what soup, Rab??
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
Yecch. This soup has fuzzy black blobs in it.! Ewwww....It's....ALIVE!
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Michele Sims
Re: Spoonerisms II
OOh look at the time. Gotta run guys. Do help yourselves. Please don't leave the kitchen in too much of a mess. if ye're having a session after dinner, clean your instruments first.
See you tomorrow. XX
Joe
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Joe Quinn
Re: Spoonerisms II
Gee, I wish it was 6 pm where I was too. (That would mean I'd still be back in Ireland of course.
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Phantom Button
Re: Spoonerisms II
Hey, he left us with the dirty dishes!
# Posted on December 14th 2004 by Michele Sims
Re: Spoonerisms II
I think I'd like to elope with Zina...
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by Sunnybear
Re: Spoonerisms II
oops..
cantaloupe..I'm already married...
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by Sunnybear
Re: Spoonerisms II
You set that up just to use that pun, didn't you? *smirk*
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by Zina Lee
Re: Spoonerisms II
Did not
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by Sunnybear
Re: Spoonerisms II
Still sounds like fun
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by Sunnybear
Re: Spoonerisms II
Well, at least I'll have something to do if I drop by the Carolinas, then. ;)
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by Zina Lee
Re: Spoonerisms II
kumquat with me and be my love
such fruits we'll try from apple to dove..
ok I'll stop now..
come on down
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by Sunnybear
Re: Spoonerisms II
"kumquat with me"?!? Sunnybear, this is a FAMILY site... *smirk*
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by Zina Lee
Re: Spoonerisms II
yeah, well
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by Sunnybear
Re: Spoonerisms II
this made me cry.
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by sifudave54
Re: Spoonerisms II
isnt a spoonerism something like, "o my bod, i most ly godhran, shat a whame"
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by daiv
Re: Spoonerisms II
It means lopping sweaters around.
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by CreadurMawnOrganig
Re: Spoonerisms II
Try cleaning out various body parts with the tip of fiddle bows. Also use banjos as weapons.
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by snowyowl
Re: Spoonerisms II
I have a couple of old bows... it's amazing... world record holding Shish-ke-babs, they comes complete with a full set of dental floss for that stringy beef. Hoowaah!
# Posted on December 15th 2004 by c_ya
Re: Spoonerisms II
If music is the food of love, you seem to have a mighty appetite right now Joe. And purleeze, clean up the kitchen after you, especially the icing bag. Hmph.
Conway
# Posted on December 16th 2004 by Conway
Re: Spoonerisms II
Sorry Joe!
How COULD I have forgotten that you were a bodhranista. I'm duly pestled.
# Posted on December 16th 2004 by Geoff Pollitt
Re: Spoonerisms II
And mortarfied?
# Posted on December 16th 2004 by Joe Quinn