The Session >> Discussions >> "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Comments
"Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I was reading a recent thread and found myself thinking that one of contributors (nameless) must be as "daft as a brush". It's an expression I haven't heard in years and got me thinking of great expressions, some more colloquial than others, that I haven't heard in while, being in Canada and all.
Others that randomly spring to mind:
"Give it laldy"
"I wouldnae p*sh on him if he was on fire"
"Away and lie in yer p*sh"
"That'll be a fire when it burns, as the frog said when it sh*t on the ice and saw it reekin'".
Anybody got some more "classics"? These are from South West Scotland, but I know "give it laldy" is generally known in Scotland - anyone know what "laldy" means? Maybe I should google it...
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
My (Scottish) favorites would be:
"Rough as a badger's arse" (often used to decribe the concert we just finished playing).
And, sadly, often used to describe the sound engineer: "That cloth-eared bint..."
As my friend Bill used to say at the start of the day's work: "Ah, Gzeg. Th' world's gaen tae hell in a handbasket."
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
A friend of mine, way back in the 80's, once said a mutual acquaintance of ours "had a brain like a bush", which at the time seemed remarkably appropriate, but now of course would mean something entirely different.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Said to me by Bobbie Gentry (C&W singer) while she was fumbling for her passport at London airport some years ago, in one of my previous incarnations as an immigration officer:
" I`m sorry..... I`m just about as slow as cold molasses crawlin`up a hill on a wet day"
(said, of course, in a deep southern drawl)
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
My dad use to say 'slicker than cheese through a goose'. My brother adapted it slightly, he says 'slicker than snot on a doorknob'.
My mom had the best one I ever heard. One time we were walking in a supermarket, and a Mother and her daughter walked by, and they were what you could only describe as 'unfortunately ugly'. When we were past them, my mom muttered to me 'you PLANT corn, you GET corn.'
As children, we were often regaled with stories of our Irish grandad's witticisms. Apparently, when he first came to America, he tried to board a bus with his pipe in his mouth. The driver said 'no smoking on the bus!' to which my grandfather answered that it wasn't lit. The driver said, 'It's in your mouth, isn't it?' My grandad retorted 'Me arse is in me pants, that's no sign I'm shi**in'!'
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Of someone who just didn't have the interest, commitment or self respect to give the job in hand a good go; My friend turned to me and quietly observed 'You can't polish a t*rd.'
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
ian started this thread with: "I was reading a recent thread and found myself thinking that one of contributors (nameless) must be as "daft as a brush". --- hmmmm... Well I was reading a recent thread (it might be this one) and I was thinking that it sure seems to start off in a passively hostile fashion. There are millions of quaint expressions like these, but targeting one of this website's ("nameless") recent contributors is in bad form if you ask me.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I googled "give it laldy" and hear's one definition:
"Laldy - An odd word, meaning punishment or enthusiastic participation. To give it laldy means to give one's utmost enthusiasm and effort to whatever it is one is doing: The boy wi the Lambeg drum wasny hauf giein it laldy. To give someone laldy is to give the person a severe chastisement, whether physically or verbally:Aye, yer granda used tae gie us laldy wi a slipper for the likes of that."
"Daft as a brush" is actually a very innocent phrase in my mind. I googled it, and found Paul Gascoigne's 1990 autobiography "Gazza - Daft as a Brush?". Also, in a discussion of the band New Order, I found this:
"Something of an eccentric, Morris has been called "daft as a brush" by bandmate Peter Hook. Morris reportedly used some of his fortune to purchase a military tank. He and Gilbert live in Macclesfield, outside Manchester."
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Garrison Keillor, in Lake Wobegon, describes someone paying for something "handing over the cash with all the good grace of a dog shi**ing a peach stone".
There are several people around the borough of Macclesfield who have tanks or armoured cars. We seem to have an exceptionally high proportion of totally mad people in our population hereabout. There's the guy who is always running to Congleton, there's the guy who is always carrying a box of cabbages on his head (sometimes you find them abandoned in odd corners). There was one feller who used to jump out into the road at the traffic lights on Churchill Way, and direct the traffic - but he got run down. There's a guy who lectures silently while walking along the street. There used to be an alpine mountain guide who wandered around the shopping precinct (mall), trying to touch young boys. Then if you want to see really really totally mad mad mad mad people - there's the town council.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Can't possibly be as bad as Camberwell. Here we have the highest rates of mental illness in the uk. I've never worked out whether it's due to the Maudsley Hospital being here (to which we at the Institue of Psychiatry are attached) that outpatients come and live here, or that being an inner-city deprived part of South London, therefore predisposing the populace to high rates of mental illness, so this seemed an ideal location for Henry Maudsley to set up a mental hospital. BTW I agree with Jack, it's bad form to point the finger at one of our regular contributors like this.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
But there is no finger being pointed.
No name is given, and there is no hint as to who is being referred to, and Danny is the first to suggest that it is a regular contributor.
"Gi'e it Laldy". I was told this particular phrase came from one Guiseppe Laldy/Laldi[?] who was in Italian operatic singer who used to sing in the Music Halls of Glasgow and the West coast of Scotland. He wasn't particularly good, but had fierce volume, so his name became associated with doing something at great volume, or with great gusto and enthusiasm. May or may not be true.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Even though this wasn't the point, BegF did get it in one - Sorry Jim, but I was thinking it to myself in the nicest possible way, honest!! Surely BegF has some explaining to do as well...
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Not exactly a saying, but it made me laugh:
A friend, to a neighbour on whose door she had just knocked in the middle of the night to complain about the noise: "Hi, I know it's late but I was wondering if I might borrow a cup of shut the @#$% up?"
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
The problem I had was that ian started this thread saying he had a "nameless" recent contributor in mind. If he had me in mind, then I would have chimed in with all of my own quips like these, (I love slagging myself,) but without knowing who it was -- I chose to refrain from insulting ian's "nameless" contributor. But that's just me. Ian, why did you start this thread by targeting a “nameless” contributor anyway? Why couldn’t you do it generically? I’m not interested in embellishing on a cloaked insult at a fellow member you happen to disagree with. Do you not see how provocative your intro might be? Anyone?
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Nope, got to say - it didn't seem remotely offensive to me. There wasn't an ounce of a suggestion as to who he meant, or what they'd done that was daft, so we were all free to conjure up our own particular favourite daft ha'porth... and there was no aggression at all in his tone, that I could see. So how is this getting steered towards a row? Let's just assume that none of the daft brushes on this site have taken any offence, since nobody is taking umbridge. Yes?
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I don't think "daft as a brush" is offensive at all. It sounds more like a term of affection to me than a full-on insult. Maybe you need to grow a few more layers of skin, Jack. Why don't you put the leather from your concertina bellows to good use
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Jack - I think either you're missing a point, or I am. There is not the slightest hint in Ians first post as to who he was thinking about, and there is no suggestion that anyone was being invited to embellish on a cloaked insult. If Ian had said something like "a contributor who is male and lives in Macclesfield, but shall remain nameless" then that would have been targeted clearly at me. But in simply saying "nameless" the point was, surely, that no-one was being targeted, that it was completely irrelevant who had brought this phrase to mind, as it was the saying and not the person which was the point of the discussion. It would, however, have been rather lame to start the discussion saying only "I suddenly thought of the saying 'daft as a brush'" with no introduction at all. We were not being invited to insult this nameless contributor, or to talk about him or her in any way at all, we were being invited to talk about quaint or odd turns of phrase.
Also - the expression "daft as a brush" in my experience is normally used in a rather affectionate manner, rather than being a serious insult. The sort of thing you might say about someone who was, and remains, a friend, regardless of intellect.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I'm a bit worried about Jack. I'll leave the Cardamazepine out just in case you need it cuz I'm off to bed now. Now Dave, can you remember what I said? Deep, intramuscular injection in the *upper outer quadrant* of the buttock. I keep telling you you're in the wrong place and you never listen. Here, use this needle for Jack - it looks clean enough.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Maybe Showaddydadito is right and this is a translation problem? He's right, it's an affectionate kind of term, the sort of thing a doting grandma says to a grandchild who's running around the place all happy and silly.
My favourite expression of this type is used where someone is asking too much of a situation, or of life in general: 'he wants the moon on a stick, for tuppence a month!'. I also like 'it's not all beer and skittles', which I think appeared in a thread title here just the other day.
And yes, I DO want the moon on a stick, and I want BEER *and* SKITTLES, NOW!! Is that too much to ask? Sigh... oh well, back to work, then...
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Hey Dow, if you're going to be sharing needles -- be sure to be wearing condoms so you don't get AIDS. (that last statement was a few ants shy of a picnic)
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Well, I've heard the phrase "blue-blind paralytic" (from "The Old Dun Cow Caught Fire") used as a synonym for "really drunk" -- important to note that it's _just_ "blue-blind paralytic," not "blue-blind paralytic drunk" -- often enough that it seems to be a bona-fide classic expression.
Not sure if _this_ is commonly used, but an acquaintance of mine, whenever he would encounter a beautiful woman, was often heard to exclaim: "I'd like to leap on ye from a great height!"
I can't comment on what degree of romantic success he had in employing that line, but I'm rather confident it didn't win him a lot of exchanged phone numbers.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
A friend of mine from Belfast used to say, "How's your belly off for spots?" as her standard greeting. Which got her some very strange looks around here.
Another good one is, "So, getting any mud for your turtle?" Might not be appropriate in all contexts...
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Je suis en train d'ecrire un CV Français, et ça me fait sentir "aussi stupide qu'une anglophone." (Je suis certaine c'est une expression classique au Quebec, mais je ne l'ai pas encore entendu.)
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
We were talking at work about a particular customer who was due in shortly, and one guy couldn't think who we meant, until Clarky came out with the immortal:
"You know the one, looks like her face caught fire and got put out with a spade"
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
You wanted an ITM angle to this thread showaddydadito, well how about this . . . a lot of people who play Irish music have beards,(the exception being a few women) . . . Why cultivate hair on your face when it grows wild round your arsehole? PS. I have one.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Ahhh Blackadder, the purveyor of the best similes ever heard in the history of comedy. There was one about someone being as unobtrusive as a man "sitting in the middle of no-man's land at night, smoking a cigarette and wearing a luminous balaclava.” or something along those lines.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Blackadder : Caroline of Brunswick is the only available princess in Europe.
Baldrick : And what's wrong with her?
Blackadder : Get more coffee! It's horrid! Change it! Take me roughly from behind! No, not like that, like this! Trousers off! Tackle out! Walk the dog! Where's my presents!
Baldrick : All right! Which one do you want me to do first?
Blackadder : No, no that's what Caroline's like. She is famous for having the worst personality in Germany, and as you can imagine, that's up against some pretty stiff competition.
Blackadder : Have you ever been to Wales Baldrick?
Baldrick : No, but I've often thought I'd like to.
Blackadder : Well don't, it's a ghastly place. Huge gangs of tough sinewy men roam the valleys terrorising people with their close-harmony singing. You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat just to pronounce the placenames. Never ask for directions in Wales Baldrick, you'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Blackadder (to Baldrick): If you were to serve up one of your meals in Staff HQ, you would be arrested for the greatest mass poisoning since Lucretia Borgia invited 500 of her close friends round for a wine and anthrax party.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Blackadder: Your brain's so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.
Blackadder: 'Morning George, morning Baldrick. Still the striking resemblance to guppy fish at feeding time.'
Blackadder: Mrs M, if we were the last three humans on earth, I would be trying to start a family with Baldrick.
George: Do you think he's a genius?
Blackadder: No sir, I do not. Unless, of course, the definition of genius in his ridiculous dictionary is 'a fat dullard or wobble-bottom; a pompous ass with sweaty dewflaps.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht eeyvrnoe is syinag. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid -- aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!
Waht an idijt I bin!
Hwoveer one sol’dhnut try tihs wtih msuic, basecue yluo’l end up wtih a pceie of “fatrcrued cARP”
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Thing is about pubic hair is shad,it grows for a while then stops.A beard keeps growing , and unless you shave it off it will eventually interferes with your guitar playing and then trips you up.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Big-time food fish on the US East coast and western Europe. They migrate up river like salmon. Fun to fish for, and good eating too. John McPhee wrote a book about shad fishing, excerpted a while back in the Atlantic Monthly, I think it was.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
nobody has yet mentioned "happy as a pig in shirt." (I never understood that one.)
My brother and his buddies used to make them up. I think. "not the sharpest tool in the shed, a couple grains short of a beach, a couple warts short of a toad, a couple kernels short of a cob, a couple dimples shy of a golf ball, three bricks short of a chimney," and my personal favourite "I feel like three pounds of shirt in a two pound bag". Which sparked the lively debate "Wait, we're Canadian, shouldn't it be three KILOS of shirt?" "No, that's just too much shirt." "Well what about half a kilo of shirt in a quarter kilo bag?" "Doesn't have the same ring to it."
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Oh, yeah, and when making up colloquialisms, you have to keep building on the theme until you've come up with eight or nine variations, then say "... if you know what I'm saying." and tap your nose.
(To which one would reply "Oh, I DO know what you're saying. I'm reading your mail. I'm watching your channel. I'm snooping through your sock drawer. I'm copying your hairstyle, I've got my eye on your girlfriend," etc.)
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
as funny as a fart in a spacesuit/lift/sleepin bag
as happy as a dog with 2 mickeys
a face like a burnt thong/a cat licking shite off a nettle/a bucket of arseholes/a cat's arse
what will ya do when the monkey wants his face back?
like a shit on a slate/swing
eyes like 2 piss-holes in the snow
as useful as a nun's c**t/a roasted fart/a fart in a hurricane/a bag of farts/lips on a chicken
couldn't kick snow off a rope/fight his way out of a paper bag
thick - dead from the neck up
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Late as usual,
but a Kerry friend when asked how it's going will reply with....
"tearing away like the heel of an auld sock"..
Priceless!
sorta like a great session ending!
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Baldrick to Black Adder " I have a cunning plan"
Black Adder "and that would be? BaldWick""
Baldrick " Well I am going to carve my name on this bullet"
Black Adder "and why would that be? BaldWick"
Baldrick "well it is said that there is always goin to be 1 bullet with your name on it, and I reckon that if I have it, I will be OK"
Black Adder "you are as cunning as the most cunningless .......
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Blackadder: What are you doing?
Baldrick: I'm carving something on this bullet sir.
Blackadder: What are you carving?
Baldrick: I'm carving Baldrick sir.
Blackadder: Why?
Baldrick: It's a cunning plan.
Blackadder: Of course it is.
Baldrick: You see, you know they say that somewhere there's a bullet with your name on it?
Blackadder: Yes?
Baldrick: Well, I thought if I owned the bullet with my name on it, I'd never get hit by it, 'cos I won't ever shoot myself.
Blackadder: Shame
Baldrick: And, the chances of there being two bullets with my name on them are very small indeed.
Blackadder: That's not the only thing around here that's "very small indeed". Your brain for example, is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open there wouldn't be enough inside to cover a small water-biscuit.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
If you don't behave yourself..
..I'll stuff yer bike-clips down the nearest gutter! (Mike Harding)
Make this - I'll stuff your plectrum d.t.n.g. and you've got your ITM reference.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Fair play Alistair.....
I know I totally misquoted that,
but it is brilliant...
Thanks for the "real" version...
I was making it up as I went along...
"consider the lillies"!!!!
"Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I was reading a recent thread and found myself thinking that one of contributors (nameless) must be as "daft as a brush". It's an expression I haven't heard in years and got me thinking of great expressions, some more colloquial than others, that I haven't heard in while, being in Canada and all.
Others that randomly spring to mind:
"Give it laldy"
"I wouldnae p*sh on him if he was on fire"
"Away and lie in yer p*sh"
"That'll be a fire when it burns, as the frog said when it sh*t on the ice and saw it reekin'".
Anybody got some more "classics"? These are from South West Scotland, but I know "give it laldy" is generally known in Scotland - anyone know what "laldy" means? Maybe I should google it...
# Posted on September 28th 2004 by ian clark
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
My (Scottish) favorites would be:
"Rough as a badger's arse" (often used to decribe the concert we just finished playing).
And, sadly, often used to describe the sound engineer: "That cloth-eared bint..."
As my friend Bill used to say at the start of the day's work: "Ah, Gzeg. Th' world's gaen tae hell in a handbasket."
# Posted on September 28th 2004 by Gzeg
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
One quite long one. "He/she is about as useful as a one legged man in an arse kicking competition"... It just makes me chuckle.
# Posted on September 28th 2004 by Twiz
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
A friend of mine, way back in the 80's, once said a mutual acquaintance of ours "had a brain like a bush", which at the time seemed remarkably appropriate, but now of course would mean something entirely different.
Hello. Goodbye.
Zina
# Posted on September 28th 2004 by Zina Lee
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
My grandfather used to tell me that "Some people would complain even if they were being hung with a new rope."
# Posted on September 28th 2004 by Jiml
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Said to me by Bobbie Gentry (C&W singer) while she was fumbling for her passport at London airport some years ago, in one of my previous incarnations as an immigration officer:
" I`m sorry..... I`m just about as slow as cold molasses crawlin`up a hill on a wet day"
(said, of course, in a deep southern drawl)
# Posted on September 28th 2004 by murfbox
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
My mother's favorite was "He's as thick as two short boards."
# Posted on September 28th 2004 by s1m0n
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
AS much use as a chocolate fireguard...
# Posted on September 28th 2004 by Ottery
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"Slicker 'n deer guts on a doornail"
"Grinnin' like a dog eatin' bees"
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by rocking bow
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
My dad use to say 'slicker than cheese through a goose'. My brother adapted it slightly, he says 'slicker than snot on a doorknob'.
My mom had the best one I ever heard. One time we were walking in a supermarket, and a Mother and her daughter walked by, and they were what you could only describe as 'unfortunately ugly'. When we were past them, my mom muttered to me 'you PLANT corn, you GET corn.'
As children, we were often regaled with stories of our Irish grandad's witticisms. Apparently, when he first came to America, he tried to board a bus with his pipe in his mouth. The driver said 'no smoking on the bus!' to which my grandfather answered that it wasn't lit. The driver said, 'It's in your mouth, isn't it?' My grandad retorted 'Me arse is in me pants, that's no sign I'm shi**in'!'
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by gladys
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"A few feathers short of a boa"
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by ed veras
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Of someone who just didn't have the interest, commitment or self respect to give the job in hand a good go; My friend turned to me and quietly observed 'You can't polish a t*rd.'
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by chilli fiend
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
ian started this thread with: "I was reading a recent thread and found myself thinking that one of contributors (nameless) must be as "daft as a brush". --- hmmmm... Well I was reading a recent thread (it might be this one) and I was thinking that it sure seems to start off in a passively hostile fashion. There are millions of quaint expressions like these, but targeting one of this website's ("nameless") recent contributors is in bad form if you ask me.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Phantom Button
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"That boy's as sharp as a bowling ball"
(Foghorn Leghorn)
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by _Steph_
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"He's so mean, if you were freezing he wouldn't give you the steam off his p***"
"Couldn't organise...a p*** up in a brewery/or a f&&& in a brothel"
"Couldn't find his arse with a map, compass, flashlight and a troop of boyscouts"
"about as useful as tits on a bull"
"going off like a frog in a sock"
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Greenwiggle
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I still don't understand what "give it laldy" means.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by ketida
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I googled "give it laldy" and hear's one definition:
"Laldy - An odd word, meaning punishment or enthusiastic participation. To give it laldy means to give one's utmost enthusiasm and effort to whatever it is one is doing: The boy wi the Lambeg drum wasny hauf giein it laldy. To give someone laldy is to give the person a severe chastisement, whether physically or verbally:Aye, yer granda used tae gie us laldy wi a slipper for the likes of that."
"Daft as a brush" is actually a very innocent phrase in my mind. I googled it, and found Paul Gascoigne's 1990 autobiography "Gazza - Daft as a Brush?". Also, in a discussion of the band New Order, I found this:
"Something of an eccentric, Morris has been called "daft as a brush" by bandmate Peter Hook. Morris reportedly used some of his fortune to purchase a military tank. He and Gilbert live in Macclesfield, outside Manchester."
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by ian clark
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I mean "here's one definition"...
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by ian clark
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"duller than a wax museum"
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Laughtonb
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
A variation on the opening example is "Daft as a brush but twice as hairy".
And if you're talking about me, Ian, I'll "punch you're lights out". Or I'll give you a "Glasgow kiss".
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Johnny Jay
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Garrison Keillor, in Lake Wobegon, describes someone paying for something "handing over the cash with all the good grace of a dog shi**ing a peach stone".
There are several people around the borough of Macclesfield who have tanks or armoured cars. We seem to have an exceptionally high proportion of totally mad people in our population hereabout. There's the guy who is always running to Congleton, there's the guy who is always carrying a box of cabbages on his head (sometimes you find them abandoned in odd corners). There was one feller who used to jump out into the road at the traffic lights on Churchill Way, and direct the traffic - but he got run down. There's a guy who lectures silently while walking along the street. There used to be an alpine mountain guide who wandered around the shopping precinct (mall), trying to touch young boys. Then if you want to see really really totally mad mad mad mad people - there's the town council.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
It was Jim wasn't it Ian.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by BegF
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I've read the first post in this thread and I can't see any hostility in it. It's about quaint/classic expressions.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Definitly the most hostile thread in recent times. Perhaps ever.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by BegF
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Can't possibly be as bad as Camberwell. Here we have the highest rates of mental illness in the uk. I've never worked out whether it's due to the Maudsley Hospital being here (to which we at the Institue of Psychiatry are attached) that outpatients come and live here, or that being an inner-city deprived part of South London, therefore predisposing the populace to high rates of mental illness, so this seemed an ideal location for Henry Maudsley to set up a mental hospital. BTW I agree with Jack, it's bad form to point the finger at one of our regular contributors like this.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Rudall the time
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
But there is no finger being pointed.
No name is given, and there is no hint as to who is being referred to, and Danny is the first to suggest that it is a regular contributor.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
All we have to go on is that they're daft. Hell, it could be anyone here! Can we start a pool? Ten bucks says its...
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Q
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
..... it could be you!
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I still say it's Jim.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by BegF
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Oh no! It's me. I'm daft. Wait a minute... according to this dictionary, the meaning of "daft" as used colloquially in Scotland is...
Frolicsome.
Hey, that *is* me (I gambol too - I'm an Alco-frolic gamboller)! What do I win? Aside from the brush, I mean?
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Q
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I'm so hungry I could eat a nuns arse through a convent gate.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Pete Stephenson.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Oops! sorry - he just said "contributor", nothing about regular. So this person doesn't have All-Bran for breakfast then.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Rudall the time
Re: "Gie it "Laldy"...........
"Gi'e it Laldy". I was told this particular phrase came from one Guiseppe Laldy/Laldi[?] who was in Italian operatic singer who used to sing in the Music Halls of Glasgow and the West coast of Scotland. He wasn't particularly good, but had fierce volume, so his name became associated with doing something at great volume, or with great gusto and enthusiasm. May or may not be true.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Kenny
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Are we not all "worse than daft" for being on this board in the first place?
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Johnny Jay
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Hungry ? I`m so hungry I could eat the hind leg offa the Holy lamb of God !!
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by murfbox
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Two that made me laugh relatively recently were heard in connection with some well-known Brazilian footballers and their dental abnormalities:
Ronaldo: "He could eat oranges through a tennis racquet"
Ronaldinho: "Teeth like a burnt fence"
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Conán McDonnell
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Thats it! JohnJ has now insulted everybody - let's all get the hump!
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Bast@rd !
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by BegF
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Even though this wasn't the point, BegF did get it in one - Sorry Jim, but I was thinking it to myself in the nicest possible way, honest!! Surely BegF has some explaining to do as well...
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by ian clark
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Opps...I actually thought it was the other fella.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by BegF
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
How 'bout "dumb as a bag of hammers"? Or a southeastern US (Georgia, I think) expression I heard once:
"Ugly as homemade sin".
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Hanley
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Not exactly a saying, but it made me laugh:
A friend, to a neighbour on whose door she had just knocked in the middle of the night to complain about the noise: "Hi, I know it's late but I was wondering if I might borrow a cup of shut the @#$% up?"
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Q
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Pissed as a handcart.
Face like a bag full of spanners.
The lights are on but there’s no one is at home.
A couple of coupons short of a toaster.
PP
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Pied Piper
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"Couldn't pour p*ss from a boot if the instructions were written on the heel"
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Robby B.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
If brains were dynamite he wouldn't have enough to blow his hat off.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
... or blow his nose.
I like the saying: "He's such a gorb, he goes to KFC to lick other peoples' fingers."
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Conán McDonnell
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
The problem I had was that ian started this thread saying he had a "nameless" recent contributor in mind. If he had me in mind, then I would have chimed in with all of my own quips like these, (I love slagging myself,) but without knowing who it was -- I chose to refrain from insulting ian's "nameless" contributor. But that's just me. Ian, why did you start this thread by targeting a “nameless” contributor anyway? Why couldn’t you do it generically? I’m not interested in embellishing on a cloaked insult at a fellow member you happen to disagree with. Do you not see how provocative your intro might be? Anyone?
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Phantom Button
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Nope, got to say - it didn't seem remotely offensive to me. There wasn't an ounce of a suggestion as to who he meant, or what they'd done that was daft, so we were all free to conjure up our own particular favourite daft ha'porth... and there was no aggression at all in his tone, that I could see. So how is this getting steered towards a row? Let's just assume that none of the daft brushes on this site have taken any offence, since nobody is taking umbridge. Yes?
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Nell
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I don't think "daft as a brush" is offensive at all. It sounds more like a term of affection to me than a full-on insult. Maybe you need to grow a few more layers of skin, Jack. Why don't you put the leather from your concertina bellows to good use
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Dr. Dow
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Jack - I think either you're missing a point, or I am. There is not the slightest hint in Ians first post as to who he was thinking about, and there is no suggestion that anyone was being invited to embellish on a cloaked insult. If Ian had said something like "a contributor who is male and lives in Macclesfield, but shall remain nameless" then that would have been targeted clearly at me. But in simply saying "nameless" the point was, surely, that no-one was being targeted, that it was completely irrelevant who had brought this phrase to mind, as it was the saying and not the person which was the point of the discussion. It would, however, have been rather lame to start the discussion saying only "I suddenly thought of the saying 'daft as a brush'" with no introduction at all. We were not being invited to insult this nameless contributor, or to talk about him or her in any way at all, we were being invited to talk about quaint or odd turns of phrase.
Also - the expression "daft as a brush" in my experience is normally used in a rather affectionate manner, rather than being a serious insult. The sort of thing you might say about someone who was, and remains, a friend, regardless of intellect.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Two other posts appeared while I was writing the above. I wonder if this might also be a US/UK misunderstanding. We see those occasionally.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I've certainly posted some stupid comments. And I've seen a few others. But are you paranoid enough?
My favorite saying: He's a half-bubble off plumb. (think carpentry)
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by fidkid
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I'm a bit worried about Jack. I'll leave the Cardamazepine out just in case you need it cuz I'm off to bed now. Now Dave, can you remember what I said? Deep, intramuscular injection in the *upper outer quadrant* of the buttock. I keep telling you you're in the wrong place and you never listen. Here, use this needle for Jack - it looks clean enough.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Dr. Dow
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Maybe Showaddydadito is right and this is a translation problem? He's right, it's an affectionate kind of term, the sort of thing a doting grandma says to a grandchild who's running around the place all happy and silly.
My favourite expression of this type is used where someone is asking too much of a situation, or of life in general: 'he wants the moon on a stick, for tuppence a month!'. I also like 'it's not all beer and skittles', which I think appeared in a thread title here just the other day.
And yes, I DO want the moon on a stick, and I want BEER *and* SKITTLES, NOW!! Is that too much to ask? Sigh... oh well, back to work, then...
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Nell
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Hey Dow, if you're going to be sharing needles -- be sure to be wearing condoms so you don't get AIDS. (that last statement was a few ants shy of a picnic)
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Phantom Button
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Condom"S"? You mean I need one on the other hand as well?
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Dr. Dow
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Well, I've heard the phrase "blue-blind paralytic" (from "The Old Dun Cow Caught Fire") used as a synonym for "really drunk" -- important to note that it's _just_ "blue-blind paralytic," not "blue-blind paralytic drunk" -- often enough that it seems to be a bona-fide classic expression.
Not sure if _this_ is commonly used, but an acquaintance of mine, whenever he would encounter a beautiful woman, was often heard to exclaim: "I'd like to leap on ye from a great height!"
I can't comment on what degree of romantic success he had in employing that line, but I'm rather confident it didn't win him a lot of exchanged phone numbers.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by sts
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Oh the ironey !!!!
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by BegF
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"Cooler than the other side of the pillow" -
I just heard this one today.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by glenn
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
One of my old Vermonter friends always used to scratch his head when confused and say "That's about as mixed up as a soup sandwich". Loved that.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by winterhawk
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
a face like a bulldog chewing wasps.
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by clunk999
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Ian thrashes his guitar like a rented mule.
Uh... are we still on for lunch tomorrow? Ian?
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Pawl
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
A friend of mine from Belfast used to say, "How's your belly off for spots?" as her standard greeting. Which got her some very strange looks around here.
Another good one is, "So, getting any mud for your turtle?" Might not be appropriate in all contexts...
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Gzeg
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
One of my favorites since it conjures such a clear image: (from Heinlein, I think)
"sounds like a bunch of old maids playing stoop-tag in the asparagus patch"
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by ScottC
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
...as welcome as a ba**ard at a family reunion...
...as much use as tits on a bull...
...the wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead...
...he's so mean he wouldn't give you the drippings out his nose....
...he's got a face like a bag of worms
...so angry he looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp after having licked piss off a nettle...
...(insulting whistlers, fiddlers, singers etc) ..got a tone that could cut glass...
...crack yer face and make yer arse jealous!!!
...(musicians)...you'd need a calendar to keep good time
Jimmy five cans (i.e. one can short of a six pack) etc etc etc
Jim
# Posted on September 29th 2004 by Worldfiddler
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Could be past my bedtime, but I feel dumber than a box of rocks. Or should I say, dumber than dirt.
Carol
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by carolsviolin
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Je suis en train d'ecrire un CV Français, et ça me fait sentir "aussi stupide qu'une anglophone." (Je suis certaine c'est une expression classique au Quebec, mais je ne l'ai pas encore entendu.)
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by Kerri Brown
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"Aussies" ne sont pas stupides!
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by Dr. Dow
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Dow, usted de que de listo d'ère de usted de Si aucun tonto de inglés de aparato de que de jugando de estaría de l'empujón-violín.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by Phantom Button
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Happy as a terrier in a barrel of rats.
Cool as a breeze.
Thick as tar.
Snorre
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by snorre
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
We were talking at work about a particular customer who was due in shortly, and one guy couldn't think who we meant, until Clarky came out with the immortal:
"You know the one, looks like her face caught fire and got put out with a spade"
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
If my pal Teresa thinks someone's away with the fairies, she says "the cheese has slid off the cracker" ... if she's in a good mood.
Otherwise it's "he's away with the paper in his arse."
Insult to a drummer: Sounds like he's building a shed.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by kris
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
LOL @ l'empujón-violín!
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by Dr. Dow
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Can someone give us a ITM angle on this thread.
Fans of the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy are probably going to start muttering about fairness sometime about now.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
You wanted an ITM angle to this thread showaddydadito, well how about this . . . a lot of people who play Irish music have beards,(the exception being a few women) . . . Why cultivate hair on your face when it grows wild round your arsehole? PS. I have one.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by Justintime
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Charming.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by BegF
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
It was once said of Ronaldo, "Last season he scored 30 goals for his club, but so far this season he couln't hit a cows arse with a banjo"
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by Pete Stephenson.
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I've always been intrigued by this notion people have that you "grow" a beard.
It just happens. Same as your head, armpits and pubic regions.
When anyone - male or female - asks me why I grow a beard, I ask them why they grow pubic hair.
That sorts the men from the boys.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"As subtle as a bull in a China Shop"
"It looks like she fell out of the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down."
"Couldn't score in a barrel of f*nnies" (possible US/UK translation problems there)
"Definately guilty of swimming in the shallow end of the gene-pool"
Or one of my favourites from Blackadder:
"As guilty as a puppy standing by a pile of poo"
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by No Cause For Alarm
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Ahhh Blackadder, the purveyor of the best similes ever heard in the history of comedy. There was one about someone being as unobtrusive as a man "sitting in the middle of no-man's land at night, smoking a cigarette and wearing a luminous balaclava.” or something along those lines.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by Conán McDonnell
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Blackadder : Caroline of Brunswick is the only available princess in Europe.
Baldrick : And what's wrong with her?
Blackadder : Get more coffee! It's horrid! Change it! Take me roughly from behind! No, not like that, like this! Trousers off! Tackle out! Walk the dog! Where's my presents!
Baldrick : All right! Which one do you want me to do first?
Blackadder : No, no that's what Caroline's like. She is famous for having the worst personality in Germany, and as you can imagine, that's up against some pretty stiff competition.
Blackadder : Have you ever been to Wales Baldrick?
Baldrick : No, but I've often thought I'd like to.
Blackadder : Well don't, it's a ghastly place. Huge gangs of tough sinewy men roam the valleys terrorising people with their close-harmony singing. You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat just to pronounce the placenames. Never ask for directions in Wales Baldrick, you'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by No Cause For Alarm
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Blackadder (to Baldrick): If you were to serve up one of your meals in Staff HQ, you would be arrested for the greatest mass poisoning since Lucretia Borgia invited 500 of her close friends round for a wine and anthrax party.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by No Cause For Alarm
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Blackadder: Your brain's so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.
Blackadder: 'Morning George, morning Baldrick. Still the striking resemblance to guppy fish at feeding time.'
Blackadder: Mrs M, if we were the last three humans on earth, I would be trying to start a family with Baldrick.
George: Do you think he's a genius?
Blackadder: No sir, I do not. Unless, of course, the definition of genius in his ridiculous dictionary is 'a fat dullard or wobble-bottom; a pompous ass with sweaty dewflaps.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by No Cause For Alarm
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
A favorite Australian riposte: "Go stick yer 'ed up a dead bear's bum"
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by RichardB
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Et tu dis que les Aussies ne sont pas stupide?
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by Kerri Brown
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Anybody got any Barry McKenzie pearls ?
At least those that are printable !
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by murfbox
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
The Almighty God gave him the ugliest possible face, then hit with a shovel. Twice.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by Worldfiddler
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Its better than a slap on the belly with a wet fish - a Belfast expression
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by mad mike
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht eeyvrnoe is syinag. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid -- aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!
Waht an idijt I bin!
Hwoveer one sol’dhnut try tihs wtih msuic, basecue yluo’l end up wtih a pceie of “fatrcrued cARP”
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by wvwhistler
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
One of my favorites:
Like a cat trying to cover up on a tile floor.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by sara g
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Jim,
I missed it. Just like the jitterbug. It plumb evaded me. WB
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by wvwhistler
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Thing is about pubic hair is shad,it grows for a while then stops.A beard keeps growing , and unless you shave it off it will eventually interferes with your guitar playing and then trips you up.
# Posted on September 30th 2004 by Justintime
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
I didn't know shad had pubic hair. Does that mean that fish can get crabs?
(bleah...I've suddenly lost my taste for fish
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by Will Harmon
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
My comment was addresed to showaddydadito (shad for short) I didn't know there was a spieces of fish called Shad . . . .
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by Justintime
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Big-time food fish on the US East coast and western Europe. They migrate up river like salmon. Fun to fish for, and good eating too. John McPhee wrote a book about shad fishing, excerpted a while back in the Atlantic Monthly, I think it was.
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by Will Harmon
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"They migrate up river..." Meaning they're anadromous--live at sea, spawn in freshwater.
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by Will Harmon
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Which could give rise to the "classic expression" "...as coy as a bearded shad...."
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by Will Harmon
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Oh Will . . "you learn something new everyday," (thats another expression added to the list)
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by Justintime
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
That has a funny ring. "Oh, Will! You learn something new every day! (I wish I was like that!")
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by Kerri Brown
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
nobody has yet mentioned "happy as a pig in shirt." (I never understood that one.)
My brother and his buddies used to make them up. I think. "not the sharpest tool in the shed, a couple grains short of a beach, a couple warts short of a toad, a couple kernels short of a cob, a couple dimples shy of a golf ball, three bricks short of a chimney," and my personal favourite "I feel like three pounds of shirt in a two pound bag". Which sparked the lively debate "Wait, we're Canadian, shouldn't it be three KILOS of shirt?" "No, that's just too much shirt." "Well what about half a kilo of shirt in a quarter kilo bag?" "Doesn't have the same ring to it."
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by Kerri Brown
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Oh, yeah, and when making up colloquialisms, you have to keep building on the theme until you've come up with eight or nine variations, then say "... if you know what I'm saying." and tap your nose.
(To which one would reply "Oh, I DO know what you're saying. I'm reading your mail. I'm watching your channel. I'm snooping through your sock drawer. I'm copying your hairstyle, I've got my eye on your girlfriend," etc.)
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by Kerri Brown
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Stewp! - your pubic hair has stopped growing?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Mine has I don't know about yours ! ! I wish I could grow a bit on top of my head ! especially now winters on its way !
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by Justintime
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Trouble is everybody would call me a Dickhead. Ha.Ha.
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by Justintime
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
would?
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by showaddydadito
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
*******
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by anniejryan
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
as funny as a fart in a spacesuit/lift/sleepin bag
as happy as a dog with 2 mickeys
a face like a burnt thong/a cat licking shite off a nettle/a bucket of arseholes/a cat's arse
what will ya do when the monkey wants his face back?
like a shit on a slate/swing
eyes like 2 piss-holes in the snow
as useful as a nun's c**t/a roasted fart/a fart in a hurricane/a bag of farts/lips on a chicken
couldn't kick snow off a rope/fight his way out of a paper bag
thick - dead from the neck up
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by anniejryan
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Whoreinthenettles, brilliant! Especially the monkey one!
Jim
# Posted on October 1st 2004 by Worldfiddler
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Late as usual,
but a Kerry friend when asked how it's going will reply with....
"tearing away like the heel of an auld sock"..
Priceless!
sorta like a great session ending!
# Posted on October 2nd 2004 by Eoino
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Baldrick to Black Adder " I have a cunning plan"
Black Adder "and that would be? BaldWick""
Baldrick " Well I am going to carve my name on this bullet"
Black Adder "and why would that be? BaldWick"
Baldrick "well it is said that there is always goin to be 1 bullet with your name on it, and I reckon that if I have it, I will be OK"
Black Adder "you are as cunning as the most cunningless .......
improv.... but those who know ...know!
# Posted on October 2nd 2004 by Eoino
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Blackadder: What are you doing?
Baldrick: I'm carving something on this bullet sir.
Blackadder: What are you carving?
Baldrick: I'm carving Baldrick sir.
Blackadder: Why?
Baldrick: It's a cunning plan.
Blackadder: Of course it is.
Baldrick: You see, you know they say that somewhere there's a bullet with your name on it?
Blackadder: Yes?
Baldrick: Well, I thought if I owned the bullet with my name on it, I'd never get hit by it, 'cos I won't ever shoot myself.
Blackadder: Shame
Baldrick: And, the chances of there being two bullets with my name on them are very small indeed.
Blackadder: That's not the only thing around here that's "very small indeed". Your brain for example, is so minute, Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open there wouldn't be enough inside to cover a small water-biscuit.
# Posted on October 2nd 2004 by No Cause For Alarm
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
If you stand behind a shooter and in front of a sh*tter you'll ne'er get shot nor sha* on
# Posted on October 2nd 2004 by jimbob
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
If you don't behave yourself..
..I'll stuff yer bike-clips down the nearest gutter! (Mike Harding)
Make this - I'll stuff your plectrum d.t.n.g. and you've got your ITM reference.
# Posted on October 2nd 2004 by kuec
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Fair play Alistair.....
I know I totally misquoted that,
but it is brilliant...
Thanks for the "real" version...
I was making it up as I went along...
"consider the lillies"!!!!
# Posted on October 2nd 2004 by Eoino
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
The shit's hit the fan.
# Posted on October 3rd 2004 by maurylorraine
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
after a heavy weekend:
I've a mouth like a lorry driver's crotch/a mouth like the inside of an arab's underpants.
# Posted on October 4th 2004 by anniejryan
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
Sticks out like the nuts on a Doberman...
# Posted on October 5th 2004 by Gzeg
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
"A head of hair like a madwoman's fanny". (In the British sense of the word)
# Posted on March 1st 2003 by dafydd
Re: "Daft as a brush" and other classic expressions...(aka I think it's time to quit work for the day)
As much use as a fart in a bottle.
# Posted on October 9th 2004 by kuec