I grew up in a non-musical household where I was always asked to play in my bedroom or the basement with the door shut because other family members wanted to watch TV / didn't want to listen to me, etc.
Now, on my own and living in a basement suite, I'm always self-conscious when I play at home, worried that I'm bothering the landlords upstairs (even though I let them know I'm a musician when I came to look at the place and they said they don't mind!).
Does anyone else ever experience this and are there any tips to overcoming this? Is it possible that this self-consciousness is partly or all because of my tone-deaf, unappreciative family or am I just being a big pansy? I know this probably sounds really silly. Advice is appreciated.
No, it's not silly at all. Bothers me too, sometimes, even though I don't have to share a wall with a neighbor. You might ask them if there's a particular time of day that would be good for playing.
p.s. You probably won't believe it, but I swear this just now happened (while I was typing my last post):
My landlady walked out her door carrying a neighbor's youngest--6 months, maybe?--who was caterwauling something fierce. I figured I had nothing to lose, so I stepped outside and played a couple of whistle tunes as a distraction. And whaddya know--Off to California and The Limerick Rake worked like a charm!
I just assume everyone likes tunes and they are thrilled to hear them. I just got home from driving the wife to the store where I sat in the truck with the dog while she (the wife) shopped and played my heart out. I am sure the whole parking lot heard the long line of tunes. I played for about an hour.
By playing an instrument, you are doing something that is so unusual in the world today. You will get the respect you deserve.
There are people out there who do ghastly things to themselves, their employees and their families and are not ashamed. There are crooks, abusers, whoremongers, and all manner of filthy characters who ply what gives them their base pleasures, and that without a blush. And I should be ashamed of doing something like playing tunes?
Play on! Especially since you play the whistle, the sweetest sound in the world.
Now let me go wash the eggs and the various vegetables off of my truck before I have to drive to work tomorrow.
People are frightened of unusual behaviour. Even worse,
from a guy sitting in a pickup truck. So it's hard to know if
they liked it or were frightened or blanked it out since it was so
far outside their normal world. I play outside myself at
lunchtime occasionally and get an interesting range of "looks".
I am. But I suppose it partly depends on whether you are typically playing entire tunes one after the other, or "woodshedding" -- practicing the same tune (or troublesome bits of of the same tune) over and over and over. I usually find myself doing the latter, and I assume that even listeners with a high tolerance for ITM would be irritated with hearing that kind of repetitious nonsense after a while. So I usually go somewhere where I'm not likely to be overheard.
But that's not always possible. The other day when the weather was nice, I took a break from work and went out and practiced a new tune on the deserted rocky beach nearby. I sat on a piece of driftwood, and must have played "The New Century" hornpipe 30 times or so, at various increasing speeds, repeating the difficult parts now and then, all out of sequence. When I packed up to leave, I heard applause from the beach, where a group of three oyster pickers had slipped into hearing range unnoticed. Had I known, I might have tried giving them a few actual tunes -- Jenny Picking Cockles would have been appropriate.
I have been known to have late night sessions at my house. My neighbors are pretty close. So when I first bought this house, Zina made a couple of refrigerator magnets with our phone number and gave them to the neighbors. Nobody has ever called and complained, so I guess we're OK. (If I remember correctly, the magnets said something like "need the Irish music to stop? call us..."
A neighbour two houses down came to the door to ask something. My husband answered the door but she then asked him to be quiet so she could listen to me playing upstairs! But I try not to play too early in the morning or too late at night.
I think the only time it can cause problems is if you're so conscious of being listened to that your practising starts to become a performance session for your various listeners, and you end up trying to perform all the time rather than stopping to sort out problems with fingering or whatever. I've been there at various stages, but continually 'performing' can get in the way of really putting in the effort where it's needed to overcome difficulties.
Living in Paris in the 80s - upstairs neighbour came down and in v halting French (he was American) asked was it we who were playing the music - I started to apologise, assure him that we'd be considerate &c &c &c - "No, no" he sez - "I'm a bluegrass man - Can I come down and jam with you guys" - This led to many mighty sessions with his friends from all over the place, incl. Greeks who were amazed to see what was being done with bouzoukis.
But then there was the neighbour in Brussels who used to practise the trumpet at 7am on Sundays. Ah what the hell. Life is short. I hope his practising paid off & he improved.
Tasia - it makes me sad that parents can be so dismissive and unappreciative of their own child's passions and talents. It's great that you have not been discouraged. Keep playing with impunity, I say - just exercise some common decency, such as not playing between 11pm and 8am and not playing in the 3rd octave too often. I've read your profile, and judging by the length of time you've been playing, you're probably a pretty accomplished player by now. Unless you get any complaints, carry on and don't worry.
I'm fortunate, where I live, to have a non-residential property on one side and on the other, a slightly hard-of-hearing nocturnal music lover, so the odd few strains of music that do penetrate through the wall to his ear, at any hour of the day, are always welcome, so he says.
I think being self conscious is a valuable gift, not a defect.
Even if nowadays people are more concerned to express themselves than to listen. I'm a little like you, Tasia, and i take care not to disturb my neighbours with my music, being guitar ( i play it) or whistle and flute (i'm just learning)...This attitude influenced me in my playing style (soft and low) and in my instruments choice (acoustic, no PA).
I think if you follow your inner feeling you can't go wrong.
And probably you'll learn to adjust your sound to the environment you're in currently.
I think it can't be a bad thing being receptive and caring about others. Just my opinion....
I'm amazed at the positive reception the previous posters got from their neighbours when practicing. I used to get hell from my neighbours when I was learning the drums. Mind you I was never sure if was me or my piper friend that they objected to. Maybe it was the fact that we lived upstairs in a flat in North London that made them such an intolerant shower......!
We have a corner lot. Last house before the commuter train station. No neighbors on the other side, house has been vacant for 40 years.
But on the train, people ask if it is me playing the music. They are a bit amazed that someone is playing a musical instrument. I think in the world of Ipods, CD players, invasive/pervasive/continuing commercials with music, people lose sight of where music really comes from. Or maybe they are completely desensitized to the personal nature of playing the music.
I am with Hup....only I am 58. I am not really self conscious about my regular church gigs- I think most church goers are oblivious to the music unless it is really bad or exceptionally good. It is hard to get emotional about Service music. Kind of like being a musical bank teller. Though once in a while some one will say something that makes one realize it is important to one of the folks in the pews.
However, when I started to play the box I would be very self conscious (I still am when playing for my teacher). I suppose the memories of being a nervous 7 or 8 year old playing a PA- something that garnered as much positive reputation as forgetting to use deodorant- in front of class mates, and parents freinds lurk no matter how far you get from them.
So returning to the accordion was not something that was well advertised. And my sanity/frame of mind was questioned if I said something about it.
Now that I am playing more, have gotten a few years older, my attitude is increasingly 'f 'em' if they don't like it. Ironically, the more I take that attitude, people start thinking what i do is really interesting and even listen.
I have a great cartoon on the wall... It has a bunch of boys in hockey paraphenalia (one of my other passions Herself can not understand), standing around one other playing an accordion. The text balloon (with a little bit of help from photoshop) says "Cool! Your Wife (original text was 'parents') lets you take accordion lessons!"
That's the attitude a person has to take regarding being self-conscious. Make believe everyone loves what you are doing!
I studied classical music (oboe) in my youth, but had a huge phobia of being heard practising, so bad that I hardly ever did practice - maybe that is why I'm a whizz at sightreading.
I stopped playing any music for about 18 years, and now that I'm playing again, I only play mostly Irish/Scottish music, and I practice for my enjoyment.
I still have a thing about being listened to, even by my own family. I keep perservering with playing while they are in the house, but tend to stop if somebody comes into the room, and definitely are more comfortable if I have the house to myself. I'm not so worried by the neighbours, but I do have a detached house.
The more I work at overcoming my phobia, the easier it gets, so my advice is to keep pushing your boundaries.
I don't really practice unless my wife is out of the house, out of respect for her ears. She hears me play tunes, but going over and over one passage, or repeating a roll over and over, those I save for when she is out. For example, like this evening, when she is at a knitting class. Come to think of it, what am I doing on the computer? The box is calling.....
Do you play at sessions or with other people? Playing in front of ,or with, a crowd of people a couple of times will get rid of this. If there's no people near you to play with go to a public place like a park and just play. You'll be surprised by the positive attitudes and it may help you feel less self consious.
Not wanting to bother the neighbors is one thing but you shouldn't be self consious about playing music. Playing music is a gift.
Yes shanty, I play at a session every week and have performed many times throughout my teenagehood. It's different, in my opinion, because you know the people listening are there to listen.
I've always lived with parents, flatmates etc. (you mean people have their own flats? really?) so pretty much got used to practicing where people could hear me beating a tune to death and making pretty horrible noises for prolonged periods of time. You just become desensitized to the fact that other people can hear you mangling a tune.
That said, I have been lucky with a series of very cooperative flatmates. Or in the case of the last one, flatmates who may have hated the pipes (I'm sure she did) but who's stay in the flat only crossed mine very briefly. Two weeks of listening to the pipes for a couple hours per day won't kill you.
I'm fortunate enough to live on a big piece of land, farmer that I am, so I can practice away without much fear of bothering anybody(til I take up the pipes I guess..... ;) ) But recently I was away and staying at a campground and I had taken my whistles with me as they are more portable than the fiddle- and I was all set to start playing at the campsite and realized how self-conscious I felt....... especially as I somewhat new to the whistle.....
I think that really the only solution is that EVERYONE should play music- if that were the norm how cool would that be, music emanating from everyone's apartment or house or campsite.......
There was an article in the NY Times recently about an apartment building in Brooklyn NY where everyone was a musician-that was sort of a requirement for the landlord to rent to you and thus music of all sorts filled the building......
Well then, as someone stated above, unless you're playing late nights/early mornings I wouldn't worry about it. A couple of weeks ago someone was playing pipes for about two hours in my neighborhood and almost every Sunday there's Mexican music for about three hours during the afternoon. Maybe the people who can hear you actually....enjoy it!
I took up busking about 12 years ago, as a way of supporting myself while travelling and as a way of keeping in practiice (I know accepting money for practising is morally questionable, but sometimes the line between playing and practising is blurred). My first real experience of busking (unless you count a jaunt to Central London with a couple of friends, aged 16, performing Beatles songs badly) was in N. Scotland, having played mandolin for a couple of years. I was well aware that I was in a place with a strong musical tradition of its own and that I would be outclassed by many local musicians. So I was pleasantly surprised when a man approached me in Inverness saying, "It's such a shame that someone with your talent has to resort to this to make a living." Now, in a sense, he'd got the wrong end of the stick, as busking was exactly what I wanted to be doing at that moment. And I also knew that my playing was really nothing special (12 years on, I'm still no extraordinary musician). But it made me realise that my music was appreciated by people, despite its flaws. I had had to make a certain leap of faith to go out busking in the first place, but that man's comment helped me to overcome any doubts about playing in front of people, and also gave me the confidence to accept the occasional negative comment as par for the course.
It seems that the toughest part is always the first step...his 'leap of faith'.
Not a music thing..a mental one.
I like being an old f**t some times. At that point, you have been through so many things that at the time seemed to have signficant import, worried what bosses, the folks next door, spouses, kids, parents, clergy, the dog, the cat, the parakeet, you name it might think, and now know much of it has no part of the grand scheme of things.
So, I do what I think I should do and take a firm 'f-em' position with everyone else. (with notable exceptions when Herself is standing there giving you that patented Catholic School Teacher glare!)
Probably no help in your situation, but I've worked to overcome my self-consciousness about playing so I can be a good example to my kids. They love to come and sit and listen when I practice, and I am sure it is no coincidence that soon after I started playing traditional music, they started gravitating toward it as well. So far they seem to have no self-consciousness about playing and practicing, and I hope I can keep my own baggage out of the way so it doesn't mess with their natural confidence. I fight the constant urge to apologize for my mistakes, for example.
I do ask them to find a distant spot for practicing when they are playing the whistle. Lucky for us, we live in the country and our neighbors aren't close enough to be bothered. (That move was strategic, though not practical for everyone I am sure.)
Whoever said to keep pushing your boundaries, I agree with you. Also I think it's good to err on the side of assuming people will enjoy your music rather than the opposite. And not take it personally if that turns out not to be true - it's the listener's inability to appreciate your playing, not your playing. (Assuming you're being generally courteous and, say, not playing the pipes while your spouse is napping off a migraine...)
"I think being self conscious is a valuable gift, not a defect."
Sergio is right, of course. It pays to be aware of your shortcomings as a musician - How else can you possibly improve? Plus, you have a responsibility, when playing in front of other people, to do your best and not be complacent. But it also pays to have an awareness of how others hear you, and take on board any compliments you may receive. It is easy to believe that your own low opinion of your playing is the only *true* one, and anyone who disagrees with it is just being polite or 'doesn't know any better'. Music is, by definition, as good as it sounds.
I've had to get over a lot of self-consciousness myself. Although my family is musical, my parents can only take so much of Irish music at a time. Thank goodness they had a big house, or I couldn't have practiced as much. With my family, I was never self-conscious, but in front of others I was. Of course, I'd played piano in front of my family since I was young, so I have years of experience. I've rented rooms several times, but I always wonder, do they like the music, or do they not like the music and just don't want to say anything. What I ended up doing was playing in public parks and at a local college. At first it made me very very self-conscious, I would play as quietly as possible. But, especially at the college, people would say they loved the music, so I would feel less uncomfortable. Even still, I get a little self-conscious if I play at a new place.
Whenever I move, I always start out slow. I don't like to play more than a few hours at a time, even if my landlord says it's okay. When I get my own house, maybe a different story!
But it's totally not silly to feel self-conscious. I think playing more and more will help overcome this feeling. If you tell your landlord to let you know when you're playing too much, then just play until they complain, or a little before you think they might complain.
If you live near a beach, that's an excellent place to play. The sound is mostly carried off.
From my experience, most people are very glad to hear music. In fact, to them it sounds much much better than it does to you. For example, I got a $40 fiddle off ebay, fixed it up a little, and would play that at college, after I'd only been playing 1 1/2 to 2 years, and people would say it sounded great. I think this is because the general public is not musically at the same level as musicians are.
If your landlord is fine with your music, that's so cool, cause I've heard of lots people whose neighbors can't stand their music.
So, basically, playing a lot will help. Also being self-conscious is not a bad thing. Consider that your music is a gift to the world. With all the focus on recorded music these days, a live musician is a treasure.
Slightly off-topic but whenever my wife or I run music sessions for adults, you can guarantee that at least one person will say "I'm not musical" and / or "I was told by [teacher...parents] that I can't sing". It often takes most of a lifetime to undo that damage. For some reason we tend to believe the first thing we hear even in the face of overwhelming later evidence to the contrary...and we also tend to put more belief in the negative comments rather than the positive ones. I guess that last comes from a desire to improve, so naturally we work on the things that most need addressing - but it's good to remember (notice, even!) the positive comments you get.
Reading the comments, i decided to give a look deeper to the meaning of "self conscious" term. I was referring to self awareness, to the ability to listen to ourselves while playing, like we was others.
So Ragaman probably got the meaning i was thinking about, thanks!
If being self conscious means loosing self-esteem, it's not a gift in my opinion. But also playing (and doing whatever else) despite what other people living in the same environment, or in the surrounding feel about is not such a good thing, I feel.
It's a matter of balance and respect between me and the others, i think.
But it's just an opinion...
In my experience people like the sound of music, especially acoustic. Consider the alternative. You could be a fan of headbanger music or <shudders> Rap!
I teach out of my home and in the spring and summer with the windows open. I know my neighbors can hear the sounds and no one has complained yet.
Sergio - 'Self-consciousness' is often taken as a by-word for something akin to 'embarrassment' - the kind of heightened awareness that we sometimes feel when we know, or think, we are at the centre of people's attention, which results in becoming acutely aware and critical of aspects of ourselves or our behaviour that we would not normally notice. I don't think what you are referring to is really any different, just another aspect, or 'use', if you like, of the same thing. At worst, it can lead to crippling fear, leaving us unable to play a note. At best, it can allow us to fine-tune our playing to perfection.
self-conscious about playing?
self-conscious about playing?
I grew up in a non-musical household where I was always asked to play in my bedroom or the basement with the door shut because other family members wanted to watch TV / didn't want to listen to me, etc.
Now, on my own and living in a basement suite, I'm always self-conscious when I play at home, worried that I'm bothering the landlords upstairs (even though I let them know I'm a musician when I came to look at the place and they said they don't mind!).
Does anyone else ever experience this and are there any tips to overcoming this? Is it possible that this self-consciousness is partly or all because of my tone-deaf, unappreciative family or am I just being a big pansy? I know this probably sounds really silly. Advice is appreciated.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Glass of Beer
Re: self-conscious about playing?
No, it's not silly at all. Bothers me too, sometimes, even though I don't have to share a wall with a neighbor. You might ask them if there's a particular time of day that would be good for playing.
Who knows, they might even be enjoying it.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by John Galt
Re: self-conscious about playing?
p.s. You probably won't believe it, but I swear this just now happened (while I was typing my last post):
My landlady walked out her door carrying a neighbor's youngest--6 months, maybe?--who was caterwauling something fierce. I figured I had nothing to lose, so I stepped outside and played a couple of whistle tunes as a distraction. And whaddya know--Off to California and The Limerick Rake worked like a charm!
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by John Galt
Re: self-conscious about playing?
I just assume everyone likes tunes and they are thrilled to hear them. I just got home from driving the wife to the store where I sat in the truck with the dog while she (the wife) shopped and played my heart out. I am sure the whole parking lot heard the long line of tunes. I played for about an hour.
By playing an instrument, you are doing something that is so unusual in the world today. You will get the respect you deserve.
There are people out there who do ghastly things to themselves, their employees and their families and are not ashamed. There are crooks, abusers, whoremongers, and all manner of filthy characters who ply what gives them their base pleasures, and that without a blush. And I should be ashamed of doing something like playing tunes?
Play on! Especially since you play the whistle, the sweetest sound in the world.
Now let me go wash the eggs and the various vegetables off of my truck before I have to drive to work tomorrow.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by feardearg
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Wow--not one, but _two_ Pied Pipers of Hamelin!
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by John Galt
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Good points feardearg! Thanks!
Hm, maybe they do enjoy it Forrest, I will try to focus more on that than on the idea that it might bother them.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Glass of Beer
Re: self-conscious about playing?
People are frightened of unusual behaviour. Even worse,
from a guy sitting in a pickup truck. So it's hard to know if
they liked it or were frightened or blanked it out since it was so
far outside their normal world. I play outside myself at
lunchtime occasionally and get an interesting range of "looks".
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Hup
Re: self-conscious about playing?
It's a good thing that babies aren't so judgemental....
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by John Galt
Re: self-conscious about playing?
I am. But I suppose it partly depends on whether you are typically playing entire tunes one after the other, or "woodshedding" -- practicing the same tune (or troublesome bits of of the same tune) over and over and over. I usually find myself doing the latter, and I assume that even listeners with a high tolerance for ITM would be irritated with hearing that kind of repetitious nonsense after a while. So I usually go somewhere where I'm not likely to be overheard.
But that's not always possible. The other day when the weather was nice, I took a break from work and went out and practiced a new tune on the deserted rocky beach nearby. I sat on a piece of driftwood, and must have played "The New Century" hornpipe 30 times or so, at various increasing speeds, repeating the difficult parts now and then, all out of sequence. When I packed up to leave, I heard applause from the beach, where a group of three oyster pickers had slipped into hearing range unnoticed. Had I known, I might have tried giving them a few actual tunes -- Jenny Picking Cockles would have been appropriate.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by alec b
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Did I mention I am scarey looking? That helps, too.
Also, now that I am an old ugly guy I don't care what people think. So it matters not if they were frightened or enthralled.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by feardearg
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Yes feardearg - I'm 54 myself and finding I care less and less what
people think of me
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Hup
Re: self-conscious about playing?
I have been known to have late night sessions at my house. My neighbors are pretty close. So when I first bought this house, Zina made a couple of refrigerator magnets with our phone number and gave them to the neighbors. Nobody has ever called and complained, so I guess we're OK. (If I remember correctly, the magnets said something like "need the Irish music to stop? call us..."
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Reverend
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Ha! Ha! Call TradBusters.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Hup
Re: self-conscious about playing?
A neighbour two houses down came to the door to ask something. My husband answered the door but she then asked him to be quiet so she could listen to me playing upstairs! But I try not to play too early in the morning or too late at night.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Tarrantella
Re: self-conscious about playing?
I think the only time it can cause problems is if you're so conscious of being listened to that your practising starts to become a performance session for your various listeners, and you end up trying to perform all the time rather than stopping to sort out problems with fingering or whatever. I've been there at various stages, but continually 'performing' can get in the way of really putting in the effort where it's needed to overcome difficulties.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Mark Harmer
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Living in Paris in the 80s - upstairs neighbour came down and in v halting French (he was American) asked was it we who were playing the music - I started to apologise, assure him that we'd be considerate &c &c &c - "No, no" he sez - "I'm a bluegrass man - Can I come down and jam with you guys" - This led to many mighty sessions with his friends from all over the place, incl. Greeks who were amazed to see what was being done with bouzoukis.
But then there was the neighbour in Brussels who used to practise the trumpet at 7am on Sundays. Ah what the hell. Life is short. I hope his practising paid off & he improved.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Sean Lead Liath
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Tasia - it makes me sad that parents can be so dismissive and unappreciative of their own child's passions and talents. It's great that you have not been discouraged. Keep playing with impunity, I say - just exercise some common decency, such as not playing between 11pm and 8am and not playing in the 3rd octave too often. I've read your profile, and judging by the length of time you've been playing, you're probably a pretty accomplished player by now. Unless you get any complaints, carry on and don't worry.
I'm fortunate, where I live, to have a non-residential property on one side and on the other, a slightly hard-of-hearing nocturnal music lover, so the odd few strains of music that do penetrate through the wall to his ear, at any hour of the day, are always welcome, so he says.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by CreadurMawnOrganig
Re: self-conscious about playing?
"not playing between 11pm and 8am"
Of course, this eliminates the possibility of a good old all-night house session. Should you have a notion to host such a session, there'd be no harm in asking your neighbours how they felt about your playing music (specifying that it would be live acoustic music, not drum'n'bass or death metal) late into the night once in a while - you could even invite them over for a Jamieson's and crudités.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by CreadurMawnOrganig
Re: self-conscious about playing?
...or a cup of tea and a digestive.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by CreadurMawnOrganig
Re: self-conscious about playing?
I think being self conscious is a valuable gift, not a defect.
Even if nowadays people are more concerned to express themselves than to listen. I'm a little like you, Tasia, and i take care not to disturb my neighbours with my music, being guitar ( i play it) or whistle and flute (i'm just learning)...This attitude influenced me in my playing style (soft and low) and in my instruments choice (acoustic, no PA).
I think if you follow your inner feeling you can't go wrong.
And probably you'll learn to adjust your sound to the environment you're in currently.
I think it can't be a bad thing being receptive and caring about others. Just my opinion....
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Sergio Corriero
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Thanks for the advice, opinions, support, and related experiences everyone!
I like the kitchen magnets; made me laugh.
I think I will keep this discussion bookmarked and pull it up if I feel self-conscious while playing again.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Glass of Beer
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Zina & Rev's magnets are great, but Sean's got ya beat with the Sunday, 7 AM Belgian trumpeter, me thinks.
Tasia, feardearg said it wonderfully. Go forth and musicify!
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: self-conscious about playing?
I'm amazed at the positive reception the previous posters got from their neighbours when practicing. I used to get hell from my neighbours when I was learning the drums. Mind you I was never sure if was me or my piper friend that they objected to. Maybe it was the fact that we lived upstairs in a flat in North London that made them such an intolerant shower......!
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Free Reed
Re: self-conscious about playing?
We have a corner lot. Last house before the commuter train station. No neighbors on the other side, house has been vacant for 40 years.
But on the train, people ask if it is me playing the music. They are a bit amazed that someone is playing a musical instrument. I think in the world of Ipods, CD players, invasive/pervasive/continuing commercials with music, people lose sight of where music really comes from. Or maybe they are completely desensitized to the personal nature of playing the music.
I am with Hup....only I am 58. I am not really self conscious about my regular church gigs- I think most church goers are oblivious to the music unless it is really bad or exceptionally good. It is hard to get emotional about Service music. Kind of like being a musical bank teller. Though once in a while some one will say something that makes one realize it is important to one of the folks in the pews.
However, when I started to play the box I would be very self conscious (I still am when playing for my teacher). I suppose the memories of being a nervous 7 or 8 year old playing a PA- something that garnered as much positive reputation as forgetting to use deodorant- in front of class mates, and parents freinds lurk no matter how far you get from them.
So returning to the accordion was not something that was well advertised. And my sanity/frame of mind was questioned if I said something about it.
Now that I am playing more, have gotten a few years older, my attitude is increasingly 'f 'em' if they don't like it. Ironically, the more I take that attitude, people start thinking what i do is really interesting and even listen.
I have a great cartoon on the wall... It has a bunch of boys in hockey paraphenalia (one of my other passions Herself can not understand), standing around one other playing an accordion. The text balloon (with a little bit of help from photoshop) says "Cool! Your Wife (original text was 'parents') lets you take accordion lessons!"
That's the attitude a person has to take regarding being self-conscious. Make believe everyone loves what you are doing!
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by zippydw
Re: self-conscious about playing?
I studied classical music (oboe) in my youth, but had a huge phobia of being heard practising, so bad that I hardly ever did practice - maybe that is why I'm a whizz at sightreading.
I stopped playing any music for about 18 years, and now that I'm playing again, I only play mostly Irish/Scottish music, and I practice for my enjoyment.
I still have a thing about being listened to, even by my own family. I keep perservering with playing while they are in the house, but tend to stop if somebody comes into the room, and definitely are more comfortable if I have the house to myself. I'm not so worried by the neighbours, but I do have a detached house.
The more I work at overcoming my phobia, the easier it gets, so my advice is to keep pushing your boundaries.
# Posted on July 14th 2009 by Bredna
Re: self-conscious about playing?
My banjo's stuffed with blankets
Her guitar's filled with sand
His whistle's packed with cotton balls
Ach, zooch ein qviet band! Yah?
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by NEW Pure Drop® Ear Canal Oil
Re: self-conscious about playing?
I don't really practice unless my wife is out of the house, out of respect for her ears. She hears me play tunes, but going over and over one passage, or repeating a roll over and over, those I save for when she is out. For example, like this evening, when she is at a knitting class. Come to think of it, what am I doing on the computer? The box is calling.....
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by AlBrown
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Do you play at sessions or with other people? Playing in front of ,or with, a crowd of people a couple of times will get rid of this. If there's no people near you to play with go to a public place like a park and just play. You'll be surprised by the positive attitudes and it may help you feel less self consious.
Not wanting to bother the neighbors is one thing but you shouldn't be self consious about playing music. Playing music is a gift.
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by shanty
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Her B/C's got a puncture
I stuffed his pipes with game
der qviet band has gig soon
too bad we sound so lame!
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by airport
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Yes shanty, I play at a session every week and have performed many times throughout my teenagehood. It's different, in my opinion, because you know the people listening are there to listen.
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by Glass of Beer
Re: self-conscious about playing?
I've always lived with parents, flatmates etc. (you mean people have their own flats? really?) so pretty much got used to practicing where people could hear me beating a tune to death and making pretty horrible noises for prolonged periods of time. You just become desensitized to the fact that other people can hear you mangling a tune.
That said, I have been lucky with a series of very cooperative flatmates. Or in the case of the last one, flatmates who may have hated the pipes (I'm sure she did) but who's stay in the flat only crossed mine very briefly. Two weeks of listening to the pipes for a couple hours per day won't kill you.
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by DrSilverSpear
Re: self-conscious about playing?
I'm fortunate enough to live on a big piece of land, farmer that I am, so I can practice away without much fear of bothering anybody(til I take up the pipes I guess..... ;) ) But recently I was away and staying at a campground and I had taken my whistles with me as they are more portable than the fiddle- and I was all set to start playing at the campsite and realized how self-conscious I felt....... especially as I somewhat new to the whistle.....
I think that really the only solution is that EVERYONE should play music- if that were the norm how cool would that be, music emanating from everyone's apartment or house or campsite.......
There was an article in the NY Times recently about an apartment building in Brooklyn NY where everyone was a musician-that was sort of a requirement for the landlord to rent to you and thus music of all sorts filled the building......
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by fiddlinfarmer
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Classic stuff reverend I will remember that one.
Playing a number of load instruments I always make sure I have plenty of space around where I live.
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by piobagusfidil
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Well then, as someone stated above, unless you're playing late nights/early mornings I wouldn't worry about it. A couple of weeks ago someone was playing pipes for about two hours in my neighborhood and almost every Sunday there's Mexican music for about three hours during the afternoon. Maybe the people who can hear you actually....enjoy it!
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by shanty
Re: self-conscious about playing?
I took up busking about 12 years ago, as a way of supporting myself while travelling and as a way of keeping in practiice (I know accepting money for practising is morally questionable, but sometimes the line between playing and practising is blurred). My first real experience of busking (unless you count a jaunt to Central London with a couple of friends, aged 16, performing Beatles songs badly) was in N. Scotland, having played mandolin for a couple of years. I was well aware that I was in a place with a strong musical tradition of its own and that I would be outclassed by many local musicians. So I was pleasantly surprised when a man approached me in Inverness saying, "It's such a shame that someone with your talent has to resort to this to make a living." Now, in a sense, he'd got the wrong end of the stick, as busking was exactly what I wanted to be doing at that moment. And I also knew that my playing was really nothing special (12 years on, I'm still no extraordinary musician). But it made me realise that my music was appreciated by people, despite its flaws. I had had to make a certain leap of faith to go out busking in the first place, but that man's comment helped me to overcome any doubts about playing in front of people, and also gave me the confidence to accept the occasional negative comment as par for the course.
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by CreadurMawnOrganig
Re: self-conscious about playing?
ragaman has a point.
It seems that the toughest part is always the first step...his 'leap of faith'.
Not a music thing..a mental one.
I like being an old f**t some times. At that point, you have been through so many things that at the time seemed to have signficant import, worried what bosses, the folks next door, spouses, kids, parents, clergy, the dog, the cat, the parakeet, you name it might think, and now know much of it has no part of the grand scheme of things.
So, I do what I think I should do and take a firm 'f-em' position with everyone else. (with notable exceptions when Herself is standing there giving you that patented Catholic School Teacher glare!)
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by zippydw
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Probably no help in your situation, but I've worked to overcome my self-consciousness about playing so I can be a good example to my kids. They love to come and sit and listen when I practice, and I am sure it is no coincidence that soon after I started playing traditional music, they started gravitating toward it as well. So far they seem to have no self-consciousness about playing and practicing, and I hope I can keep my own baggage out of the way so it doesn't mess with their natural confidence. I fight the constant urge to apologize for my mistakes, for example.
I do ask them to find a distant spot for practicing when they are playing the whistle. Lucky for us, we live in the country and our neighbors aren't close enough to be bothered. (That move was strategic, though not practical for everyone I am sure.)
Whoever said to keep pushing your boundaries, I agree with you. Also I think it's good to err on the side of assuming people will enjoy your music rather than the opposite. And not take it personally if that turns out not to be true - it's the listener's inability to appreciate your playing, not your playing. (Assuming you're being generally courteous and, say, not playing the pipes while your spouse is napping off a migraine...)
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by worthy
Re: self-conscious about playing?
"I think being self conscious is a valuable gift, not a defect."
Sergio is right, of course. It pays to be aware of your shortcomings as a musician - How else can you possibly improve? Plus, you have a responsibility, when playing in front of other people, to do your best and not be complacent. But it also pays to have an awareness of how others hear you, and take on board any compliments you may receive. It is easy to believe that your own low opinion of your playing is the only *true* one, and anyone who disagrees with it is just being polite or 'doesn't know any better'. Music is, by definition, as good as it sounds.
# Posted on July 15th 2009 by CreadurMawnOrganig
Re: self-conscious about playing?
I've had to get over a lot of self-consciousness myself. Although my family is musical, my parents can only take so much of Irish music at a time. Thank goodness they had a big house, or I couldn't have practiced as much. With my family, I was never self-conscious, but in front of others I was. Of course, I'd played piano in front of my family since I was young, so I have years of experience. I've rented rooms several times, but I always wonder, do they like the music, or do they not like the music and just don't want to say anything. What I ended up doing was playing in public parks and at a local college. At first it made me very very self-conscious, I would play as quietly as possible. But, especially at the college, people would say they loved the music, so I would feel less uncomfortable. Even still, I get a little self-conscious if I play at a new place.
Whenever I move, I always start out slow. I don't like to play more than a few hours at a time, even if my landlord says it's okay. When I get my own house, maybe a different story!
But it's totally not silly to feel self-conscious. I think playing more and more will help overcome this feeling. If you tell your landlord to let you know when you're playing too much, then just play until they complain, or a little before you think they might complain.
If you live near a beach, that's an excellent place to play. The sound is mostly carried off.
From my experience, most people are very glad to hear music. In fact, to them it sounds much much better than it does to you. For example, I got a $40 fiddle off ebay, fixed it up a little, and would play that at college, after I'd only been playing 1 1/2 to 2 years, and people would say it sounded great. I think this is because the general public is not musically at the same level as musicians are.
If your landlord is fine with your music, that's so cool, cause I've heard of lots people whose neighbors can't stand their music.
So, basically, playing a lot will help. Also being self-conscious is not a bad thing. Consider that your music is a gift to the world. With all the focus on recorded music these days, a live musician is a treasure.
Hope this all helps!
# Posted on July 16th 2009 by enirehtac
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Slightly off-topic but whenever my wife or I run music sessions for adults, you can guarantee that at least one person will say "I'm not musical" and / or "I was told by [teacher...parents] that I can't sing". It often takes most of a lifetime to undo that damage. For some reason we tend to believe the first thing we hear even in the face of overwhelming later evidence to the contrary...and we also tend to put more belief in the negative comments rather than the positive ones. I guess that last comes from a desire to improve, so naturally we work on the things that most need addressing - but it's good to remember (notice, even!) the positive comments you get.
# Posted on July 16th 2009 by Mark Harmer
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Reading the comments, i decided to give a look deeper to the meaning of "self conscious" term. I was referring to self awareness, to the ability to listen to ourselves while playing, like we was others.
So Ragaman probably got the meaning i was thinking about, thanks!
If being self conscious means loosing self-esteem, it's not a gift in my opinion. But also playing (and doing whatever else) despite what other people living in the same environment, or in the surrounding feel about is not such a good thing, I feel.
It's a matter of balance and respect between me and the others, i think.
But it's just an opinion...
# Posted on July 16th 2009 by Sergio Corriero
Re: self-conscious about playing?
In my experience people like the sound of music, especially acoustic. Consider the alternative. You could be a fan of headbanger music or <shudders> Rap!
I teach out of my home and in the spring and summer with the windows open. I know my neighbors can hear the sounds and no one has complained yet.
# Posted on July 16th 2009 by celticagent
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Sergio - 'Self-consciousness' is often taken as a by-word for something akin to 'embarrassment' - the kind of heightened awareness that we sometimes feel when we know, or think, we are at the centre of people's attention, which results in becoming acutely aware and critical of aspects of ourselves or our behaviour that we would not normally notice. I don't think what you are referring to is really any different, just another aspect, or 'use', if you like, of the same thing. At worst, it can lead to crippling fear, leaving us unable to play a note. At best, it can allow us to fine-tune our playing to perfection.
# Posted on July 16th 2009 by CreadurMawnOrganig
Re: self-conscious about playing?
Thanks!
# Posted on July 17th 2009 by Sergio Corriero