Went to see a couple of friends of mine, who play mainly fretted-string instruments (guitar, zouk, mandolin), give a concert the other night. They needed to do a fair amount of tuning and retuning in between songs and tune sets, which prompted one of my friends to remark how, as an audience member, he always hated performers who felt compelled to talk while tuning because they almost always say the same things -- but as a performer he usually finds himself committing the same sin.
He then recited the most common "things to say while tuning," to which I've added one or two others:
-"We tune because we care."
-"And now, a traditional Chinese melody, 'Tu-Ning.'"
-"Gee, these strings were in tune when I took them out of the package."
-Some variation on "All this weather/traveling has really been hard on my guitar/mandolin/bouzouki"
...and, of course:
-"Close enough for folk!"
So now, I put it to all you out there: What are the most original/creative/outrageous tuning-related statements you've heard -- or even said yourself -- in concert?
I always say that nothing sounds worse than an out-of-tune harp, apart from two out-of-tune harps.
Personally I don't mind hearing people tuning up in a concert, provided they don't do it during the applause (that's a horrible thing orchestras sometimes do and it ruins my memory of the music I've just heard).
How do you get people to not play while you are tuning? I never tune drones at a session (and therefore keep them switched off) and at times struggle to tune the chanter because lots of sessions will give you about 20 seconds to tune and then be off into the next set. With pipes, I can't tweak strings or pull a tuning slide out or in as need be, which only takes about 20 seconds. I have to take the chanter cap off, fuss with the reed and it's usually just guessing how much I need to move the reed or open the bridle or whatever, and then test it against another instrument. If my "shooting in the dark" futzing didn't work, I need to repeat the process. This takes more than 20 seconds.
I'm a performing folk musician (but not professional), and personally, I think all of those rehearsed tuning phrases are dreadfully corny. Not only that, but it's a waste of time by stating the obvious. Most intelligent audiences will not only understand that you tune because you care - they will be grateful that you do it.
I've played in several groups over the years, and now I've learned to always try to make sure that at least one person does not tune at the same time, so that person can tell a cute story or joke while the others tune. I think it's much, much more polished and professional-looking. A casual session is another thing, however.
I read that the old pipers purposefully put their pipes out of tune so they could sit there as centre of attention, telling the tale and getting more laughs whilst the tuning went on (and also stop other pipers hogging any limelight).
"why don't you get your banjo in tune and saw the machine-head off so it wil stop in tune?"
At a Planxty concert many years ago, Andy and Dónal were having tuning difficulties. This went on for a long time until Christy, in his own inimitable way, brought the house down with the remark 'There's nothin' like a bit of aul tuning!'.
You'd have to have been there to appreciate the joke.
Feeble tuning jokes by painfully screwed-up, exasperated and entirely humourless young men desperately trying to tune recalcitrant guitars prior to doing dire floor spots is one of those facts of Seventies folk club life I'd rather forget.
A shout of "Shut up, you moronic b*stards, I'm trying to tune up!" strikes me as far preferable.
piano tuners love to retell the story of the Maine farmer who hated to spend good money having his piano tuned. He watched the tuner carefully, then after the tuner left, the farmer welded all the tuning pins to the plate so it would never need tuning again (or so the thought)
You've forgotten the one about Operknockety, who got a brief reference in an earlier post - he sold guitars in Tin Pan Alley, and always let them out of the shop tuned, but turned down anyone who brought one back, because "Operknockety only tunes once !"
Also, as Stephen Sondheim wrote, "Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor."
Tom Paley is a frequent performer at London folk clubs, and he used to be famous for how long he would spend tuning his 5-string banjo. Of course you tune one string, increasing or decreasing the pressure on the vellum, and the others all change. But then he took up the fiddle.......
There is a video, knocking about somewhere on Youtube, of De Danann performing in a folk club somewhere, with Johnny Moynihan in the line up. For about half the duration of the set, he is trying in vain to get his bouzouki in tune. In the end, the poor fella just gives up and sits out. I'm not the empathic type, but I could feel his frustration watching that.
If you're going to quote Last Night's Fun, could I just say that, after only one hearing, I reckon they should talk less and play more.
People who know me might be surprised I would suggest this, with my tendency to rabbit on.
Unfortunately, I have heard all of these bad, inane jokes and comments about tuning at one time or another.
Also, I am the guilty party who mentioned Opporknockity the piano tuner.
It is a bit bonkers how long people can spend tuning - even my 34-string harp doesn't take that long (considering!) to get it into tune - probably no more than about 6 seconds to adjust between sets once it's been initially tuned in the venue.
Maybe for some people, tuning is the equivalent of a musical nervous tic? One member of our band spends an inordinate amount of time tuning, and we refer to it as "Compulsive un-necessary tuning" - but there's a shorter acronym for this which does just as well.
"Tom Paley is a frequent performer at London folk clubs, and he used to be famous for how long he would spend tuning his 5-string banjo..."
Tom Paley is still in London, GP?
Of course, his reputation as a mathematician preceded his rep as a musician. That might explain it.
you could always just tune to the pipes, like we seem to do 'round where I live.
some people are extra sensitive to overtones and can't stand playing out of tune. some people like to show off how good their ear is, and tune all the time (and make everyone else retune after every freakin' set). I played with a guitarist like that a few years. drove me bonkers, "yes, I know my fiddle is flat, we're playing an outdoor gig in the middle of november: of course it's going to go flat!"
I've found at gigs, the most professional thing to do is to tune quickly, and quietly, and then thank the audience for their patience and move right into the next set. tuning is part of the business.
A YouTube comment from someone on one of my early harp videos:
"Just one little critique - I have perfect pitch, so the fact that some of your strings are 1/16th and 1/32nd of a tone out of tune jars my ears a bit."
I'm sure there's a witty put-down for those afflicted with the curse of perfect pitch but I can't think of one right now...
Caoimhin o'Raghallaigh has remarked, "Let me just pretend to tune my fiddle while I think of what to play," usually followed by "I don't actually know what in-tune sounds like anyway".
Last spring, The Museum of Fine Arts in Boston had a gentleman come in and give a lecture/demonstation on some of the citterns in the Museum's collection. Some were reproductions but some were quite old and all required a lot of tuning to get right. This fellow simply did what he needed to do calmly and without comment. He looked up and smiled now and then, but offered no apologies for getting the instruments to sound good. I think his attitude enabled him to focus on the job at hand and get tuned more quickly than might have been the case if he felt compelled to make nervous jokes.
It was well worth waiting for to hear these things come to life.
-Some variation on "All this weather/traveling has really been hard on my guitar/mandolin/bouzouki" her'es a piper one-
"so if you hear any weird squeaks and squacks...(pause)
...ignore 'em" -Paddy Keenan
Hilarious because it was a pure ad-lib, not some corny stock-phrase
What to say, and not to say, while tuning
What to say, and not to say, while tuning
Went to see a couple of friends of mine, who play mainly fretted-string instruments (guitar, zouk, mandolin), give a concert the other night. They needed to do a fair amount of tuning and retuning in between songs and tune sets, which prompted one of my friends to remark how, as an audience member, he always hated performers who felt compelled to talk while tuning because they almost always say the same things -- but as a performer he usually finds himself committing the same sin.
He then recited the most common "things to say while tuning," to which I've added one or two others:
-"We tune because we care."
-"And now, a traditional Chinese melody, 'Tu-Ning.'"
-"Gee, these strings were in tune when I took them out of the package."
-Some variation on "All this weather/traveling has really been hard on my guitar/mandolin/bouzouki"
...and, of course:
-"Close enough for folk!"
So now, I put it to all you out there: What are the most original/creative/outrageous tuning-related statements you've heard -- or even said yourself -- in concert?
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by sts
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
Try this:
"Here's one that's just been posted to thesession"
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by Mix O'Lydian
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
"That's really clean. You could eat your dinner off that!"
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by John J.
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
I always say that nothing sounds worse than an out-of-tune harp, apart from two out-of-tune harps.
Personally I don't mind hearing people tuning up in a concert, provided they don't do it during the applause (that's a horrible thing orchestras sometimes do and it ruins my memory of the music I've just heard).
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by Mark Harmer
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
How do you get people to not play while you are tuning? I never tune drones at a session (and therefore keep them switched off) and at times struggle to tune the chanter because lots of sessions will give you about 20 seconds to tune and then be off into the next set. With pipes, I can't tweak strings or pull a tuning slide out or in as need be, which only takes about 20 seconds. I have to take the chanter cap off, fuss with the reed and it's usually just guessing how much I need to move the reed or open the bridle or whatever, and then test it against another instrument. If my "shooting in the dark" futzing didn't work, I need to repeat the process. This takes more than 20 seconds.
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by DrSilverSpear
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
Chris Sherburn to piper Nick Scott at a Last Night's Fun gig - "Are you going to tune up, or are you going to play like you usually do!"
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by Mike C
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
I'm a performing folk musician (but not professional), and personally, I think all of those rehearsed tuning phrases are dreadfully corny. Not only that, but it's a waste of time by stating the obvious. Most intelligent audiences will not only understand that you tune because you care - they will be grateful that you do it.
I've played in several groups over the years, and now I've learned to always try to make sure that at least one person does not tune at the same time, so that person can tell a cute story or joke while the others tune. I think it's much, much more polished and professional-looking. A casual session is another thing, however.
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by Quarter Irish
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
I read that the old pipers purposefully put their pipes out of tune so they could sit there as centre of attention, telling the tale and getting more laughs whilst the tuning went on (and also stop other pipers hogging any limelight).
"why don't you get your banjo in tune and saw the machine-head off so it wil stop in tune?"
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by geoffwright
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
"Close enough for music".
"If it sounds in tune, it's in tune".
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by CreadurMawnOrganig
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
At a Planxty concert many years ago, Andy and Dónal were having tuning difficulties. This went on for a long time until Christy, in his own inimitable way, brought the house down with the remark 'There's nothin' like a bit of aul tuning!'.
You'd have to have been there to appreciate the joke.
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by amhrán
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
Feeble tuning jokes by painfully screwed-up, exasperated and entirely humourless young men desperately trying to tune recalcitrant guitars prior to doing dire floor spots is one of those facts of Seventies folk club life I'd rather forget.
A shout of "Shut up, you moronic b*stards, I'm trying to tune up!" strikes me as far preferable.
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by nicholas
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
slight hijack here-
piano tuners love to retell the story of the Maine farmer who hated to spend good money having his piano tuned. He watched the tuner carefully, then after the tuner left, the farmer welded all the tuning pins to the plate so it would never need tuning again (or so the thought)
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by Greg the Piano Tuner
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
You've forgotten the one about Operknockety, who got a brief reference in an earlier post - he sold guitars in Tin Pan Alley, and always let them out of the shop tuned, but turned down anyone who brought one back, because "Operknockety only tunes once !"
Also, as Stephen Sondheim wrote, "Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor."
Tom Paley is a frequent performer at London folk clubs, and he used to be famous for how long he would spend tuning his 5-string banjo. Of course you tune one string, increasing or decreasing the pressure on the vellum, and the others all change. But then he took up the fiddle.......
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by Guernsey Pete
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
There is a video, knocking about somewhere on Youtube, of De Danann performing in a folk club somewhere, with Johnny Moynihan in the line up. For about half the duration of the set, he is trying in vain to get his bouzouki in tune. In the end, the poor fella just gives up and sits out. I'm not the empathic type, but I could feel his frustration watching that.
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by CreadurMawnOrganig
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
If you're going to quote Last Night's Fun, could I just say that, after only one hearing, I reckon they should talk less and play more.
People who know me might be surprised I would suggest this, with my tendency to rabbit on.
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by Guernsey Pete
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
Unfortunately, I have heard all of these bad, inane jokes and comments about tuning at one time or another.
Also, I am the guilty party who mentioned Opporknockity the piano tuner.
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by fauxcelt
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
It is a bit bonkers how long people can spend tuning - even my 34-string harp doesn't take that long (considering!) to get it into tune - probably no more than about 6 seconds to adjust between sets once it's been initially tuned in the venue.
Maybe for some people, tuning is the equivalent of a musical nervous tic? One member of our band spends an inordinate amount of time tuning, and we refer to it as "Compulsive un-necessary tuning" - but there's a shorter acronym for this which does just as well.
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by Mark Harmer
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
"Tom Paley is a frequent performer at London folk clubs, and he used to be famous for how long he would spend tuning his 5-string banjo..."
Tom Paley is still in London, GP?
Of course, his reputation as a mathematician preceded his rep as a musician. That might explain it.
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by oldstrings
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
"If we sound out of tune, you're not drinking enough"
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by Jameson Stew
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
you could always just tune to the pipes, like we seem to do 'round where I live.
some people are extra sensitive to overtones and can't stand playing out of tune. some people like to show off how good their ear is, and tune all the time (and make everyone else retune after every freakin' set). I played with a guitarist like that a few years. drove me bonkers, "yes, I know my fiddle is flat, we're playing an outdoor gig in the middle of november: of course it's going to go flat!"
I've found at gigs, the most professional thing to do is to tune quickly, and quietly, and then thank the audience for their patience and move right into the next set. tuning is part of the business.
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by meredithrachael
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
A YouTube comment from someone on one of my early harp videos:
"Just one little critique - I have perfect pitch, so the fact that some of your strings are 1/16th and 1/32nd of a tone out of tune jars my ears a bit."
I'm sure there's a witty put-down for those afflicted with the curse of perfect pitch but I can't think of one right now...
# Posted on October 16th 2008 by Mark Harmer
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
The cure for all this nonsense is to take a 13-course lute on stage and start tuning it.
# Posted on October 17th 2008 by Trevor Jennings
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
Caoimhin o'Raghallaigh has remarked, "Let me just pretend to tune my fiddle while I think of what to play," usually followed by "I don't actually know what in-tune sounds like anyway".
--DtM
# Posted on October 17th 2008 by Dan the Man
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
Last spring, The Museum of Fine Arts in Boston had a gentleman come in and give a lecture/demonstation on some of the citterns in the Museum's collection. Some were reproductions but some were quite old and all required a lot of tuning to get right. This fellow simply did what he needed to do calmly and without comment. He looked up and smiled now and then, but offered no apologies for getting the instruments to sound good. I think his attitude enabled him to focus on the job at hand and get tuned more quickly than might have been the case if he felt compelled to make nervous jokes.
It was well worth waiting for to hear these things come to life.
# Posted on October 17th 2008 by Steve L
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
-Some variation on "All this weather/traveling has really been hard on my guitar/mandolin/bouzouki" her'es a piper one-
"so if you hear any weird squeaks and squacks...(pause)
...ignore 'em" -Paddy Keenan
Hilarious because it was a pure ad-lib, not some corny stock-phrase
# Posted on October 17th 2008 by pipewatcher
Re: What to say, and not to say, while tuning
Be glad I'm tuning and not farting.
# Posted on November 6th 2008 by Leendah