Spring! A mush of foliage bedizens the trees, dubious beasties furrow about in the grass, the bumble-bee resumes its improbable flight. Otherwise, it stays much the same: it chucks it down, and a young man's fancy lightly turns to doing the Tesco run principally because he's run out of fags and is getting pretty desperate for a hit.
But for some, this spring will be a time of testing and gruelling travail. These are the Hogwarts kiddies - the Folk Music Degree students of Limerick, Glasgow and Newcastle. Soon they must cease from their revels and quail with awe before their august preceptors as they sit their end-of-year or final ...EXAMINATIONS!!
To set their little hearts at rest and give them a helpful foretaste of what, in my admittedly twisted imagination, they might reasonably expect, I thought I might begin with a few likely-seeming questions and then throw the floor open to *you*, the ladies and gentlemen of The Session, to add to this gift of philanthropy.
SO:-
*Answer all questions. Do NOT write on more than two sides of the paper.*
1. Spell the following:
Mairead Ni Mhaonigh
Caoimhin O' Rallaghaigh
Breandan Breathnach
2. Well done, no marks for that I'm afraid, that was just to get
you settled in - now, translate these names into:
English,
Breton,
Faroese.
- And while you're about it , spell the full name of the chap
who sang for The Pogues. (Getting this wrong forfeits thirty
marks.)
3. Answer all the following:
Why is the piano-accordion?
How long is a string?
Is the bouzouki real?
4. Name twenty distinct fretted instruments currently played in
Irish trad, giving a history of each and whoever brought it in
or devised it. If he slept on your floor, give us the goss, you'll
get bonus marks if it's good enough.
5. You are a member of a scratch ceilidh band come to a
make-or-break gig; you're in front of a sea of well-oiled
people who are starting to get ominously restive; it's getting
more and more dreadfully apparent that the confident-
seeming guy who promised to do the calling has made
other arrangements and stood you up.
How many tunes are in the thesession.org data base?
This question not only requires you to go through every tune and isolate the duplications, it also requires a 4,000 word essay on the definitions of "variation" and "version".
It will probably take you at least a couple of years, but the upside is that you'll be a couple of years older and wiser. And you'll realise what a stupid waste of time it has been.
A. What is the difference between:
1. A violin and a fiddle?
2. A tin whistle and a pennywhistle?
Hint: "There is no difference" and any variations thereof are not sufficient answers.
B. Choose 500 of the 2,000 tunes listed below. From memory, write them out in both ABC and dots, including common ornamentation, and give brief 10-paragraph histories on each tune.
9. Write a biography of Carolan's life and times as if he'd been born on the fourth Zarg in the galactic quadrant of xx-beta-325 in the year 6800. Make it as unlike the real Carolan as possible.
10. Is playing an instrument reading the melody from ABC as correct as reading it from the Dots? Discuss, in 54 words none of which must contain the letter 'e'.
10. Listen to the following 9 players doing their renditions of the same jig and
Identify the
1) fiddler,
2) tin whistle player,
3) dot addict
4) bodhran player
5) American
6) Australian
7) annoying guy who sits next to you in my lectures
8) the publican at your local
9) your favourite lecturer
Mark Harmer - Your comment on bagpipe DNA obviously alludes to the disturbing possibility that somewhere down the historical timeline certain bagpipes reproduced and hybridised by mating.
The bagpipe world knows this is true, of course, but for reasons that escape me this topic was not covered in the syllabus.
Nicholas, yes, a disturbing possibility indeed, but please, mightn't it have been parthenogenesis, like a virgin birth ? or even artificial insemination ? (I'm desperately trying to avoid any mental picture of copulating bagpipes...)
Practical examination pt.II
Replace sound post which has fallen over in the fiddle at the session using a bit of soft wire and two knives borrowed from the restaurant. Extra marks awarded for no damage to the instrument (the owners 18C pride and joy) and subsequent adjustments to positioning.
11f:
You go to a session rumoured to be good but you find that:
a) it doesn't start at the advertised time
b) it doesn't seem to be well-organised at all
c) it's just a bunch of old guys who learned how to play trad music from a bunch of even older guys. They haven't even done a course on trad music! They haven't even been to a festival workshop!
d) they play dreadfully clichéd tunes that you and your mates wouldn't be seen dead playing
e) they seem to spend as much time drinking and gabbing as playing
f) they are also talking to non-musicians! Who seem to be enjoying the music!
How do you explain to them how wrong, *wrong*, WRONG they are?
Name three former prominent members of The Session.org and describe in brief sentences what they are doing now.
(Marks will be deducted for slanderous or libelous accusations.)
Just for the record, a friend of mine is currently working on Harry Potter VI, that is to say he has been hanging about in costume, and, at the last communication, still hadn't been on set. He was suggesting to his fellow Background Artists that, the next day, they all bring harmonicas and start a band; the Assistant Director remarked that "When you came here you were a bunch of individuals, but you're beginning to look ominously like a group."
I'm on it in about ten days time, including one day currently sheduled with my friend.
PS Unlike most other contributors here, I have actually been inside the Great Hall at Hogwarts, which does look magnificent.
What is the "diabolus in musicus"?
a) a bodhoran
b) a piano accordion
c) a tritone
Q. What is the difference between a bodhoran and a musical instrument?
a) One is a musical isntrument, the other is a bodhoran
b) Lots
c) Neither of the above
1. Referencing Galen, analyse and distinguish between the nature of the humours present in:
a) whiskey;
b) Ennistymon;
c) the Flip.
2. Discuss with due dereliction whether Jackson's bottles of punch, brandy and claret, and his coggie and nightcap, inevitably lead to his dream and much time spent over the water.
3. Utilising Boyle's law, identify the likely pressure points during osculation involving action behind one of the following:
a) a barrel;
b) a byre;
c) a door.
4. In no more or fewer than seventy-three words determine whether Kitty deserved to get a clinking.
4. It was race day so Kitty went along. She approached a rider: "Got a light?" Reaching down to light her fag, he fell off. She mounted the horse, which bolted into mid- Shannon and drowned. The punters ran to bet on her chances. She got ashore. The Revenue turned up. Big fight, races broken off, dead racehorse, sacked jockey, not good. But no cause for clinking, in my opinion.
Let's help the Hogwartians!
Let's help the Hogwartians!
Spring! A mush of foliage bedizens the trees, dubious beasties furrow about in the grass, the bumble-bee resumes its improbable flight. Otherwise, it stays much the same: it chucks it down, and a young man's fancy lightly turns to doing the Tesco run principally because he's run out of fags and is getting pretty desperate for a hit.
But for some, this spring will be a time of testing and gruelling travail. These are the Hogwarts kiddies - the Folk Music Degree students of Limerick, Glasgow and Newcastle. Soon they must cease from their revels and quail with awe before their august preceptors as they sit their end-of-year or final ...EXAMINATIONS!!
To set their little hearts at rest and give them a helpful foretaste of what, in my admittedly twisted imagination, they might reasonably expect, I thought I might begin with a few likely-seeming questions and then throw the floor open to *you*, the ladies and gentlemen of The Session, to add to this gift of philanthropy.
SO:-
*Answer all questions. Do NOT write on more than two sides of the paper.*
1. Spell the following:
Mairead Ni Mhaonigh
Caoimhin O' Rallaghaigh
Breandan Breathnach
2. Well done, no marks for that I'm afraid, that was just to get
you settled in - now, translate these names into:
English,
Breton,
Faroese.
- And while you're about it , spell the full name of the chap
who sang for The Pogues. (Getting this wrong forfeits thirty
marks.)
3. Answer all the following:
Why is the piano-accordion?
How long is a string?
Is the bouzouki real?
4. Name twenty distinct fretted instruments currently played in
Irish trad, giving a history of each and whoever brought it in
or devised it. If he slept on your floor, give us the goss, you'll
get bonus marks if it's good enough.
5. You are a member of a scratch ceilidh band come to a
make-or-break gig; you're in front of a sea of well-oiled
people who are starting to get ominously restive; it's getting
more and more dreadfully apparent that the confident-
seeming guy who promised to do the calling has made
other arrangements and stood you up.
What the F*CK do you do??!
You get the idea? Over to you then, folks!
# Posted on April 26th 2008 by nicholas
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Ni Mhaonigh? O' Rallaghaigh?
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Björn
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
6. How long does it take to tune a harp?
7. Is it better to be supportive or critical when talking about other musicians? Please give examples.
8: A piece starts in G. You don't know it but which of the following applies:
a) you listen and see if you can subtly join in without throwing anyone else off track
b) you decide not to play and buy a round for everyone
c) you noodle randomly on your guitar. What the f*ck's G anyway?
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Mark Harmer
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
I looked them up on the Net, but the Net might have got them wrong!
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by nicholas
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
6. Which "instrument" was invented by the Kerry man B. O'Dhrán?...(5)
7. Correctly match the psychosis in column A to the player of instrument in column B. They may or may not be already matched :
A___________________________________B________________
Manic Depression (Bipolar)-------------------------Fiddle----------
Depression----------------------------------------------Flute-----------
Learning Difficulties-----------------------------------Bodhrán------
Delusions of Grandeur-------------------------------Pipes---------- Psychopathic Personality Disorder---------------Button Accordion
Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder------------------Spoons------------
Neurotic---------------------------------------------------Whistle------------
Catatonic Schizophrenia-----------------------------3-chord guitarist-
Alcoholic-----------------------------------------------None of the players
Normal/well adjusted------------------------------All of the players----
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Rudall the time
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
You clearly are the Snape of the ITM world.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by grumblingoldwoman
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
lovely place, never played a session there though:
http://www.snapemaltings.co.uk/concerts.asp
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Rudall the time
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
How many tunes are in the thesession.org data base?
This question not only requires you to go through every tune and isolate the duplications, it also requires a 4,000 word essay on the definitions of "variation" and "version".
It will probably take you at least a couple of years, but the upside is that you'll be a couple of years older and wiser. And you'll realise what a stupid waste of time it has been.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by ...
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
invisable cloak/ the lurker
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Lint - upon - Tweed
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
A. What is the difference between:
1. A violin and a fiddle?
2. A tin whistle and a pennywhistle?
Hint: "There is no difference" and any variations thereof are not sufficient answers.
B. Choose 500 of the 2,000 tunes listed below. From memory, write them out in both ABC and dots, including common ornamentation, and give brief 10-paragraph histories on each tune.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Whiddler
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
9. Write a biography of Carolan's life and times as if he'd been born on the fourth Zarg in the galactic quadrant of xx-beta-325 in the year 6800. Make it as unlike the real Carolan as possible.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Mark Harmer
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
10. Is playing an instrument reading the melody from ABC as correct as reading it from the Dots? Discuss, in 54 words none of which must contain the letter 'e'.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Mark Harmer
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
11. Using anatomical drawings and with reference to DNA sequencing, explain how bagpipes evolve.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Mark Harmer
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
10. Listen to the following 9 players doing their renditions of the same jig and
Identify the
1) fiddler,
2) tin whistle player,
3) dot addict
4) bodhran player
5) American
6) Australian
7) annoying guy who sits next to you in my lectures
8) the publican at your local
9) your favourite lecturer
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by FiddleFancy
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Mark Harmer - Your comment on bagpipe DNA obviously alludes to the disturbing possibility that somewhere down the historical timeline certain bagpipes reproduced and hybridised by mating.
The bagpipe world knows this is true, of course, but for reasons that escape me this topic was not covered in the syllabus.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by nicholas
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Explain the nine definitions of "jig" and how each relates to traditional music as a whole.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by ethical blend
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Practical examination:
Pick up a tune on the fly from a bones player.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by CreadurMawnOrganig
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
....Sorry, a bit of an 'eats shoots and leaves' scenario there.
Pick up a tune on the fly, from a bones player.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by CreadurMawnOrganig
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Nicholas, yes, a disturbing possibility indeed, but please, mightn't it have been parthenogenesis, like a virgin birth ? or even artificial insemination ? (I'm desperately trying to avoid any mental picture of copulating bagpipes...)
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by wolfbird
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Practical examination pt.II
Replace sound post which has fallen over in the fiddle at the session using a bit of soft wire and two knives borrowed from the restaurant. Extra marks awarded for no damage to the instrument (the owners 18C pride and joy) and subsequent adjustments to positioning.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by john knoss
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
11f:
You go to a session rumoured to be good but you find that:
a) it doesn't start at the advertised time
b) it doesn't seem to be well-organised at all
c) it's just a bunch of old guys who learned how to play trad music from a bunch of even older guys. They haven't even done a course on trad music! They haven't even been to a festival workshop!
d) they play dreadfully clichéd tunes that you and your mates wouldn't be seen dead playing
e) they seem to spend as much time drinking and gabbing as playing
f) they are also talking to non-musicians! Who seem to be enjoying the music!
How do you explain to them how wrong, *wrong*, WRONG they are?
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Bren
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Prove, using simultaneous equations, and cartesian plots,
why
a session = a performance.
Show your working to obtain full marks.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Rudall the time
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
!2a. What does ITM stand for?
(Marks will be deducted for any answer containing the words Irish, Traditional or Music)
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Rudall the time
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Name three former prominent members of The Session.org and describe in brief sentences what they are doing now.
(Marks will be deducted for slanderous or libelous accusations.)
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Rudall the time
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Bren - In that sort of situation, the equivalent of castor oil is required.
A lad with a pure, clear voice should take his stand fearlessly in the middle of the room and begin to sing the song "Tomorrow Belongs To Me..."
That might stop them playing The Gravel Walk in random time.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by nicholas
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Mind, Bren, you provided a pretty unbeatable summary of sessions as they really are.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by nicholas
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
God forbid reality should enter these discussions nicholas
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Bren
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
1. Give 35 good reasons to add a tune to your repertoire. "I like it" doesn't count.
2. Define the expression 'a BIG reel/jig'.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by kuec
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Just for the record, a friend of mine is currently working on Harry Potter VI, that is to say he has been hanging about in costume, and, at the last communication, still hadn't been on set. He was suggesting to his fellow Background Artists that, the next day, they all bring harmonicas and start a band; the Assistant Director remarked that "When you came here you were a bunch of individuals, but you're beginning to look ominously like a group."
I'm on it in about ten days time, including one day currently sheduled with my friend.
PS Unlike most other contributors here, I have actually been inside the Great Hall at Hogwarts, which does look magnificent.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Guernsey Pete
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
PS Once one has actually graduated from Hogwarts, sorry, the Folk Music degreed, what does one actually do ?
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Guernsey Pete
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
...degreeS........sack the proofreader.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by Guernsey Pete
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Out any tutor or other figure in traditional music you believe to be descended from a bagpipe (see posts above), giving copious evidence for this.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by nicholas
Re: Adiutare Hogwartiensis!
What is the "diabolus in musicus"?
a) a bodhoran
b) a piano accordion
c) a tritone
Q. What is the difference between a bodhoran and a musical instrument?
a) One is a musical isntrument, the other is a bodhoran
b) Lots
c) Neither of the above
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by geoffwright
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
1. Referencing Galen, analyse and distinguish between the nature of the humours present in:
a) whiskey;
b) Ennistymon;
c) the Flip.
2. Discuss with due dereliction whether Jackson's bottles of punch, brandy and claret, and his coggie and nightcap, inevitably lead to his dream and much time spent over the water.
3. Utilising Boyle's law, identify the likely pressure points during osculation involving action behind one of the following:
a) a barrel;
b) a byre;
c) a door.
4. In no more or fewer than seventy-three words determine whether Kitty deserved to get a clinking.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by MacCruiskeen
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Once you graduate Hogwarts with a Degree in Music you become an Auror of ITM leading sessions at the Leaky Cauldron.
# Posted on April 27th 2008 by grumblingoldwoman
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
4. It was race day so Kitty went along. She approached a rider: "Got a light?" Reaching down to light her fag, he fell off. She mounted the horse, which bolted into mid- Shannon and drowned. The punters ran to bet on her chances. She got ashore. The Revenue turned up. Big fight, races broken off, dead racehorse, sacked jockey, not good. But no cause for clinking, in my opinion.
(73(?) words)
# Posted on April 28th 2008 by nicholas
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
Nicholas, your submission does not meet the 73-word criterion and, furthermore, reveals a fundamental misunderstanding of the term 'clinking'.
Please see Senior Master Gill for extra homework.
# Posted on April 28th 2008 by MacCruiskeen
Re: Let's help the Hogwartians!
WELL!.. you learn something new every day!!
# Posted on April 28th 2008 by nicholas