Last night at a certain session in fab South London some of us were discussing the comparative merits of the traditional instruments as poking sticks.
Sarah poked Ed most efficiently with her flute, stopping him yacking and gaining his attention straightaway.
A fiddle is rather too delicate for person poking although a bow is most useful and with a sharp end.
Boxes are just too blunt.
The pipes are a bit cumbersome for poking but would be quite good for fetching some bloke's eye out at a reasonable distance.
Whistles of course make a very good short range poker and can be kept neatly in the pocket until any pokage is required.
Bodhrans are a bit blunt but could be used like a frisby to poke someone right over the other side of the boozer.
Of the fretted instruments banjoes were considered a bit heavy for serious poking and the six string devils would prove awkward. The bouzouki/ mandola/ octave mandolin/ cittern has a good reach but do you poke the person with the headstock or the body? Holding it at the body end is not accurate enough for filligree poking. Holding it by the neck and poking with the body may prove injurious to the neck. Mandolins just aren't the right shape.
My treble ukulele is light and a useful poker (with a nice sharp point to the head stock), the tenor and baritone maybe OK in certain conditions.
Piano(not any good for poking at all), spoons and bones (poking range just too small). And now very much on the periphery of Irish instruments : Indian Harmonium (a.k.a. Punjabi Squeezebox) no good - too heavy to pick up and poke with, didjareedoo- probably been used in Australia for generations for Aboriginal poking, shaky egg- possibly the least useful poker one could have. Clarinet- nearly as good as the flute but the delicate reed may incur poke damage (as with bombarde, racket, crumhorn, oboe and sax).
No! It's the flute, that's the best trad Irish instrument as regards poking people.
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Inquiry posed, then answered yourself, eh? Well then, I'll gladly step up to your flute with my bow in hand. En garde! I'll have you know, good sir, that I was a youth orchestra goofing-off and fencing champion in my day, now stand fast! Ho there! [thrust, parry, parry, thrust]
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Certain ITM musicians have a penchant for chewing small wads of paper, loading them into their flutes, and launching them with a sharp exhalation into the mouthpiece. Efficiently aimed, this is a very effective means to discompose people who have launched into their third or fourth hornpipe, with no sign of abatement. It works also for uninvited players of slow airs, and for gobs h i t es of all descriptions, without the need to spill pints as you lean over a crowded table to attain minimal poking distance.
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
I'm seeing a bit of a battalion taking shape here. We have phalanxes of fiddlers with bows in hands, sturdy rows of stout warriors bristling with flutes and low D whistles, and on the flanks, ready to pour it on from the wings stand the proud companies of spit-balling flautists, much like Henry V's Longbowmen at Agincourt.
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Strangely, we had a similar conversation at a session last night, but we were mostly talking about using instruments as weapons. Swinging a banjo takes some planning and coordination, but packs a punch if the blow lands. But never underestimate the power of a bit of flute drool...
I have heard story of an annoying fiddler that was noodling on every tune is a session with Tommy Peoples, once. Apparently, Tommy reached over and bapped him on the head with his bow, and they guy kept *playing*!!! Can you believe it?
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
A load annoying stag party turned up at our session a couple of months ago. A particularly drunk lad thought it would be funny to detune the Mandola (our only string backing) mid tune. My fellow players were delighted to see me drop out of the last two bars of a reel and smack him firmly across the knuckles with my Low D and still manage to be in for the first bar of the next tune. Overtons make the best knuckle rappers If he thought about retalliating then the bar full of hairy highlanders giving the eye dissuaded him. Nice to get one over the plonckers.
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Our man Jolly Jock, could use his trombone for poking without loosing the groove, but I'm sure he would'nt spoil anyones fun like that, we would have to re-name him, er..Grumpy Jock.
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
while practicing a very long time ago, my sister hit me over the head with a barbie doll. I retaliated with my bow. It broke. fearing the worst when my father got home, I tried to put it in a "good news, bad news" context. Bad news, I broke my bow, good news, he wouldn't have to hear me practice. he was not amused. But he did do something incredilbe: he put his arm around me, and said "Everybody makes mistakes, and you just made one of them." I got a new bow. That bow broke when it fell off my lap in a class of 5th graders I was teaching. I had to swallow my vomit so as not to puke in front of the kids!
I have a carbon fiber bow now. Ready to poke....
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
During a football game brawl, I once saw someone lay out an opponent by deeply bowing from the waist. You see, he was wrapped in a big brass sousaphone at the time, and the bowing motion brought the large bell of the instrument right down onto the guy's head. Ouch!
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
In a mob-scene of a brawl, make it tipper and bodhran in lieu of sword/mace/ax and shield.
Much easier to close up with your oponent with a bit of a shield to parry, then strike with the tipper (teakwood makes a lovely one).
Second choice: Florentine spoons.
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Generation Bb whistle. You don't even mind breaking it at that price.
In the mob scene of a brawl as above, in Gorton in Manchester I carefully hid the bodhran and tipper and armed myself with the spikes that tethered the bass drum to the floor.
Excellent weapons, like some villain from James Bond with spikes instead of hands.
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
I reckon if you put a shaky egg down a didgeridoo, and gave it a good "Huff", then you might get some range out of it, maybe a bit of shrapnel effect on impact. And there'd be one less shaky egg.....
My SO keeps giving my 'zouk a ding without noticing what she's doing, feel inclined to clock her with the head, those tuning machines might make an interesting cranial dent. Alternatively, we swap seats and don't have to fence with each other at a crowded session.
"Zouk and banjo don't make good prodders, too large and imprecise a handle.
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
What about mutual poking between couples...."Traditional instruments, and their usages in courting and matrimony." I can just see the paper presented, at the EFDSS, for instance, or CCE.
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
As the person who prompted the post with an initial perfectly poised poke I would have to disagree with Mr Yhaal....the perfect instrument for poking has to be the pipes because that way you can get several targets at once!
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
The Jew's harp, gew-gaw or trump could be a highly effective poking device, as it often has a fairly sharp point and can easily be concealed in the palm of the hand. It can also be used for removing earwax, thus reducing or avoiding the need for syringing.
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
The wife of the local physician
Found herself in an awkward position
While doc sat in his suit
She was poked by the flute
Of a puffing young session musician
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
A long scale bouzouki with untrimmed string-ends protruding 180 degrees from the headstock would provide the opportunity to poke the most people with maximum discomfort with the longest reach.
ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Last night at a certain session in fab South London some of us were discussing the comparative merits of the traditional instruments as poking sticks.
Sarah poked Ed most efficiently with her flute, stopping him yacking and gaining his attention straightaway.
A fiddle is rather too delicate for person poking although a bow is most useful and with a sharp end.
Boxes are just too blunt.
The pipes are a bit cumbersome for poking but would be quite good for fetching some bloke's eye out at a reasonable distance.
Whistles of course make a very good short range poker and can be kept neatly in the pocket until any pokage is required.
Bodhrans are a bit blunt but could be used like a frisby to poke someone right over the other side of the boozer.
Of the fretted instruments banjoes were considered a bit heavy for serious poking and the six string devils would prove awkward. The bouzouki/ mandola/ octave mandolin/ cittern has a good reach but do you poke the person with the headstock or the body? Holding it at the body end is not accurate enough for filligree poking. Holding it by the neck and poking with the body may prove injurious to the neck. Mandolins just aren't the right shape.
My treble ukulele is light and a useful poker (with a nice sharp point to the head stock), the tenor and baritone maybe OK in certain conditions.
Piano(not any good for poking at all), spoons and bones (poking range just too small). And now very much on the periphery of Irish instruments : Indian Harmonium (a.k.a. Punjabi Squeezebox) no good - too heavy to pick up and poke with, didjareedoo- probably been used in Australia for generations for Aboriginal poking, shaky egg- possibly the least useful poker one could have. Clarinet- nearly as good as the flute but the delicate reed may incur poke damage (as with bombarde, racket, crumhorn, oboe and sax).
No! It's the flute, that's the best trad Irish instrument as regards poking people.
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by yhaalhouse
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Inquiry posed, then answered yourself, eh? Well then, I'll gladly step up to your flute with my bow in hand. En garde! I'll have you know, good sir, that I was a youth orchestra goofing-off and fencing champion in my day, now stand fast! Ho there! [thrust, parry, parry, thrust]
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
http://www.thesession.org/discussions/display/8239/comments#comment176068
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by oldstrings
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
And, not strictly ITM, but certainly the longest reach:
http://www.alphorn-center.de/
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by oldstrings
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Low D whistle.
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by piobagusfidil
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Bits sometimes fly off our piper's kit when the air is too dry. Works like a rubber bullet - type gun to get people's attention.
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by grego
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Id definately poke you with whatever was in my hand, if you came into my session... : L
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by mise
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Foley Bazoukis are designed with a head bit for head butting drunks who get in the way
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by bazouki dave
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Baroque fiddle bow.
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by Trevor Jennings
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Certain ITM musicians have a penchant for chewing small wads of paper, loading them into their flutes, and launching them with a sharp exhalation into the mouthpiece. Efficiently aimed, this is a very effective means to discompose people who have launched into their third or fourth hornpipe, with no sign of abatement. It works also for uninvited players of slow airs, and for gobs h i t es of all descriptions, without the need to spill pints as you lean over a crowded table to attain minimal poking distance.
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by Dragut Reis
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
I'm seeing a bit of a battalion taking shape here. We have phalanxes of fiddlers with bows in hands, sturdy rows of stout warriors bristling with flutes and low D whistles, and on the flanks, ready to pour it on from the wings stand the proud companies of spit-balling flautists, much like Henry V's Longbowmen at Agincourt.
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by SWFL Fiddler
Re: spike island...
cello spike
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by biggus dave
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Strangely, we had a similar conversation at a session last night, but we were mostly talking about using instruments as weapons. Swinging a banjo takes some planning and coordination, but packs a punch if the blow lands. But never underestimate the power of a bit of flute drool...
I have heard story of an annoying fiddler that was noodling on every tune is a session with Tommy Peoples, once. Apparently, Tommy reached over and bapped him on the head with his bow, and they guy kept *playing*!!! Can you believe it?
Pete
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by Reverend
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
A load annoying stag party turned up at our session a couple of months ago. A particularly drunk lad thought it would be funny to detune the Mandola (our only string backing) mid tune. My fellow players were delighted to see me drop out of the last two bars of a reel and smack him firmly across the knuckles with my Low D and still manage to be in for the first bar of the next tune. Overtons make the best knuckle rappers
If he thought about retalliating then the bar full of hairy highlanders giving the eye dissuaded him. Nice to get one over the plonckers.
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by bogman
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
A 'loud' annoying stag party - of course. Me splelnig no vrey good
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by bogman
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Since when were ukuleles ITM instruments? Is this in the sessions in Honalulu
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by blueveetwo
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Our man Jolly Jock, could use his trombone for poking without loosing the groove, but I'm sure he would'nt spoil anyones fun like that, we would have to re-name him, er..Grumpy Jock.
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by Pete Stephenson.
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
while practicing a very long time ago, my sister hit me over the head with a barbie doll. I retaliated with my bow. It broke. fearing the worst when my father got home, I tried to put it in a "good news, bad news" context. Bad news, I broke my bow, good news, he wouldn't have to hear me practice. he was not amused. But he did do something incredilbe: he put his arm around me, and said "Everybody makes mistakes, and you just made one of them." I got a new bow. That bow broke when it fell off my lap in a class of 5th graders I was teaching. I had to swallow my vomit so as not to puke in front of the kids!
I have a carbon fiber bow now. Ready to poke....
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by wyogal
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
During a football game brawl, I once saw someone lay out an opponent by deeply bowing from the waist. You see, he was wrapped in a big brass sousaphone at the time, and the bowing motion brought the large bell of the instrument right down onto the guy's head. Ouch!
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by AlBrown
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
In a mob-scene of a brawl, make it tipper and bodhran in lieu of sword/mace/ax and shield.
Much easier to close up with your oponent with a bit of a shield to parry, then strike with the tipper (teakwood makes a lovely one).
Second choice: Florentine spoons.
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by Piece
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Generation Bb whistle. You don't even mind breaking it at that price.
In the mob scene of a brawl as above, in Gorton in Manchester I carefully hid the bodhran and tipper and armed myself with the spikes that tethered the bass drum to the floor.
Excellent weapons, like some villain from James Bond with spikes instead of hands.
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by bodhran bliss
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
I reckon if you put a shaky egg down a didgeridoo, and gave it a good "Huff", then you might get some range out of it, maybe a bit of shrapnel effect on impact. And there'd be one less shaky egg.....
My SO keeps giving my 'zouk a ding without noticing what she's doing, feel inclined to clock her with the head, those tuning machines might make an interesting cranial dent. Alternatively, we swap seats and don't have to fence with each other at a crowded session.
"Zouk and banjo don't make good prodders, too large and imprecise a handle.
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by Guernsey Pete
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
What about mutual poking between couples...."Traditional instruments, and their usages in courting and matrimony." I can just see the paper presented, at the EFDSS, for instance, or CCE.
# Posted on October 24th 2007 by Guernsey Pete
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
As the person who prompted the post with an initial perfectly poised poke I would have to disagree with Mr Yhaal....the perfect instrument for poking has to be the pipes because that way you can get several targets at once!
heh heh heh!
# Posted on October 25th 2007 by Sarah the Flute
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
The Jew's harp, gew-gaw or trump could be a highly effective poking device, as it often has a fairly sharp point and can easily be concealed in the palm of the hand. It can also be used for removing earwax, thus reducing or avoiding the need for syringing.
# Posted on October 25th 2007 by CreadurMawnOrganig
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
The wife of the local physician
Found herself in an awkward position
While doc sat in his suit
She was poked by the flute
Of a puffing young session musician
# Posted on October 25th 2007 by Bren
Best poking tunes?
http://www.thesession.org/tunes/display/7162
http://www.thesession.org/tunes/display/5957
# Posted on October 25th 2007 by yhaalhouse
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
Poison darts fire well from penny-whistles!
# Posted on October 25th 2007 by geoffwright
Re: ITM Instruments as People Pokers. Which is best?
A long scale bouzouki with untrimmed string-ends protruding 180 degrees from the headstock would provide the opportunity to poke the most people with maximum discomfort with the longest reach.
# Posted on October 25th 2007 by Steve L